Can a Christian Love Too Much?

Is it possible for a Christian to love too much? Yes and no. You cannot love God too much, but you can love the person you are addicted to in unhealthy ways. You can make the person you love more important than Christ and neglect yourself in the process.

The whole concept of loving too much comes from the book, Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood. It was applauded in the self-help community and frowned on in many Christian churches. There has been a controversy ever since.

This controversy is unnecessary as recovery from love addiction is exactly what Christ wants for us. It does not contradict Christian concepts. For example, the Bible says to love with all your heart, but it is referring to our love for God not the love of someone we are addicted to. For the Christian, addictive love is idolatry.

To understand this further, let me give you some examples of Christians loving too much.

1. You are loving too much when you lose yourself in a relationship to the point where you no longer exist as a child of God.

2. You are loving too much when you neglect your children in pursuit of pleasing your partner.

3. You are loving too much when you have no love left for God because you are consumed by your love addiction.

4. You are loving too much when you put your life in danger for the sake of romantic love or an addictive relationship.

5. You are loving too much when you stay loyal to an abusive partner.

6. You are loving too much when you really believe it is your Christian duty to lay down your life for another. John 15:13 1

Solutions for Christian Codependents

1. Follow the great commandment and love others as you love yourself. The word “as” implies that you love yourself as much as you love others.

2. Remember that leaving an unhealthy relationship is the right move sometimes, despite what the church says about divorce.

3. Build up your self-esteem. People with high self-esteem just naturally have healthy relationships. You are a special child of God. Don’t forget that. Humility is important, but that does mean we should neglect ourselves.

4. If you are a needy person, put God first, and let him fill the hole in heart left over from a difficult childhood. Only God can really do this, not another human being.

5. Consider expanding your reading list to include books about recovery. They Bible does not always address our modern need for recovery information.

6. Love is a gift and you do not “throw pearls before swine.” Let go of addictive relationships and look for someone healthy with whom you can become “equally yoked.”