Post by RoseNadler on Jul 13, 2020 8:38:08 GMT -8
This is the first time I’ve really been annoyed with L since we got back together 16 months ago. And “annoyance” is the I’m looking for; “anger” is too strong a word.
I cook a decent dinner maybe two or three times a week; I really want to get us away from our long habit of heating up microwave meals most nights, and then eating out (or getting takeout, since COVID) for the other days of the week. Simply put, I want to eat better. Cooking at home is better for your health than microwave frozen dinners and restaurant food every single day. I’m in no way planning to cook every day! When COVID is over, if I have to give up working from home and go to an office again, I will feel a lot less like cooking dinner!
Anyway.....yesterday he knew I was planning to cook dinner, and he basically said not to bother; he wanted to “eat lightly” that night. (That means he wanted to eat potato chips and onion dip instead of a normal dinner.)
So - I didn’t cook dinner. He ate his potato chips and I ate a frozen microwave meal. But I was kind of mad.
Part of it was that he was rejecting something good that I wanted to give him. That hurts.
I think a bigger part of it was that going along with his idea meant that *I* wouldn’t get a good dinner that night - and I had been looking forward to that all day. I ate cereal for breakfast, a skimpy sandwich for lunch; and by God, dinner was going to be my reward at the end of the day.
I didn’t talk to him about it yesterday, because I’m still thinking about a sane, healthy, 12-Step way of dealing with things like this.
So, this is one way of dealing with it: Just going along with what he wants, not getting a good meal my own self, and quietly being annoyed at him. This is a pretty common way for me to deal with things like this.
Years ago, when I was younger, more emotional, more sure of my attractiveness, and more volatile, I might have gotten visibly angry (facial expression, tone of voice, overall demeanor), may have said a few sarcastic words, that kind of thing. And one part of me was tempted to go that way.
I need to find a healthy middle ground for situations like this. I’ve been thinking about it pretty much for the past 24 hours. What could I do differently?
The first answer that comes to my mind is this:
He says, “Don’t bother to cook,” but I was really looking forward to the meal.
Me: “Well, I already ate lightly all day long, and I’m really looking forward to a good meal. I’m going to go ahead and cook for me.”
And that’s as far as I got in the script.
I cook a decent dinner maybe two or three times a week; I really want to get us away from our long habit of heating up microwave meals most nights, and then eating out (or getting takeout, since COVID) for the other days of the week. Simply put, I want to eat better. Cooking at home is better for your health than microwave frozen dinners and restaurant food every single day. I’m in no way planning to cook every day! When COVID is over, if I have to give up working from home and go to an office again, I will feel a lot less like cooking dinner!
Anyway.....yesterday he knew I was planning to cook dinner, and he basically said not to bother; he wanted to “eat lightly” that night. (That means he wanted to eat potato chips and onion dip instead of a normal dinner.)
So - I didn’t cook dinner. He ate his potato chips and I ate a frozen microwave meal. But I was kind of mad.
Part of it was that he was rejecting something good that I wanted to give him. That hurts.
I think a bigger part of it was that going along with his idea meant that *I* wouldn’t get a good dinner that night - and I had been looking forward to that all day. I ate cereal for breakfast, a skimpy sandwich for lunch; and by God, dinner was going to be my reward at the end of the day.
I didn’t talk to him about it yesterday, because I’m still thinking about a sane, healthy, 12-Step way of dealing with things like this.
So, this is one way of dealing with it: Just going along with what he wants, not getting a good meal my own self, and quietly being annoyed at him. This is a pretty common way for me to deal with things like this.
Years ago, when I was younger, more emotional, more sure of my attractiveness, and more volatile, I might have gotten visibly angry (facial expression, tone of voice, overall demeanor), may have said a few sarcastic words, that kind of thing. And one part of me was tempted to go that way.
I need to find a healthy middle ground for situations like this. I’ve been thinking about it pretty much for the past 24 hours. What could I do differently?
The first answer that comes to my mind is this:
He says, “Don’t bother to cook,” but I was really looking forward to the meal.
Me: “Well, I already ate lightly all day long, and I’m really looking forward to a good meal. I’m going to go ahead and cook for me.”
And that’s as far as I got in the script.