RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Sept 28, 2020 6:58:49 GMT -8
Last night I was on LinkedIn. A former POA from 23 years ago had checked out my profile.
I hope he does not attempt to communicate with me. (Although if he does, that would be an opportunity to offer an amends.)
This is just one more reminder that your past can come back to haunt you.
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RoseNadler
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Newcomer Greeter & Moderator
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Post by RoseNadler on Jan 14, 2021 18:08:47 GMT -8
I need some advice.
I was on LinkedIn this evening, and the same guy viewed my profile again. This time he sent me a request to connect. He worded it politely (“I think we know each other from XYZ in 1998”.)
That’s the understatement of the century. We were both married to other people at the time, and fooling around with each other. Things went pretty far physically (not complete consummation but close) and he actually moved out of his wife’s home for a while, thinking he and I would get together.
[Ironic aside: Years later, I moved out of my home with my partner, hoping my POA at that time would get together with me.]
I just want to block him and not even answer his message.
Should I instead answer his message, saying, “I’m sorry I did what I did all those years ago. I was wrong to do that. But I feel it will be best if we don’t contact each other again.” That would be a more Step Nine-ish thing to do.
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Post by Linda S. on Jan 15, 2021 14:15:13 GMT -8
Thanks for sharing this. If you feel you owe him an amends and it is unlikely to injure anyone else in the process, then it could be an opportunity to remove another person from your Step 8 list, if he is on there. I would be praying to be sure that my motives are pure and there is no risk of me getting hooked back in, even after all these years. I know I have been at risk of that with an ex in the past, even though there was also a nobler aspect to it.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Jan 16, 2021 6:45:25 GMT -8
I no longer feel the addictive pull towards him. At this point in my life, my addiction seems to be in remission - I’m not on the lookout for men to pay attention to me.
That’s what it really was, all those years ago. I didn’t love him. My hormones got me attracted to him - that, and my addictive desire to get lots of attention from a man. I used him.
My main concern is that this is on LinkedIn - a social media app that people use for career and job purposes. It’s the only place on the whole internet where I use my real name, except when I’m buying something. LinkedIn claims that whatever you send on their platform as a private message, stays private. But just in case it doesn’t - I think I want to word my amends discreetly. Something like, “I now understand that what I did back then was wrong. I would like to apologize for my behavior. However, I also feel that because of this, I can’t be in contact with you. I hope you understand.”
What do you think about that? (You, and anybody else reading this.)
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Post by Linda S. on Jan 16, 2021 7:02:43 GMT -8
I understand. I think with that as the criteria, I might make it even more general, perhaps simply saying
"I would like to apologize for my behavior in the past. I feel that because of this, I can’t be in contact with you. I hope you understand.” It's still an amends, and probably recognizable as such by anyone in recovery, but also sufficiently vague. But what you have written is fine, too, whichever you feel best expresses what you want to say without putting yourself in a vulnerable position, if it should become visible to others.
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RoseNadler
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Newcomer Greeter & Moderator
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Post by RoseNadler on Jan 16, 2021 10:23:10 GMT -8
I like your version, and I think I’ll use it. Thanks for your help!
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