I have gone to see a mental doctor for years. There’s also a councelor in the clinic and I see the counselor once in two weeks. One day, the counselor told me that I didn’t talk about my father. Actually, most topics of mine there were about my mother and my brother, who had schizo at his young age. I replied that my father was a good father. He was a silent person. He cared about me but when I wanted his suggestions, he just told me to do what I wanted. I felt he was cold in my mind but I guess he acted like that because he respected me.
Is there some reason why you don’t want to talk about your father?
It was not that I didn't want to talk about my dad, I just didn't think of anything about him. I think I was looking for an example for an adult man in the process of growing up. I think my father is a good person. Although he had a hard time since he was little and had no education, he was self-taught and qualified as an architect and was famous in the town. My elder brother rebelled against the hard-working father's discipline and eventually suffered a mental illness. Neither my father nor my brother served as an example to me, and I especially hated the overbearing attitude of older people. Many of the counselors are women, and men's counselors are not intimidating, so I felt comfortable when I first received counseling. To my eyes, my mother seemed to be fond of my brother, using my father, who was financially strong, behind my father. I think my counseling was only talking about mothers and women, as I believed that my brother's mental illness and my unstable mental situation were also caused by my mother.
That's it right there- "I just didn't think of anything about him."
Whatever the relationship, there was still a relationship. I mean, your mother didn't just create you on her own. There had to be another 23 chromosomes which went into your creation.
Look at it from your mother's position. Your father had the money and the position. Which created a comfortable life for her and her sons. Nobody wants to live in poverty. Your father & his position were a means for her (and her sons) to live "comfortably".