Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 3, 2021 14:32:48 GMT -8
There are different types of Torchbearers. Some worship movie stars from afar. Some obsess about someone they were once in happy relationship with. Some fantasize about the man or woman that they will someday meet. Some fantasize about someone they were attracted to and then projected on to them all their fantasies about living happily ever after. Most Torchbearers just fall in love with an unavailable person and pine away for years and years.
It is all about projection. I saw a video about a love addict who was stalking his high school sweetheart for 20 years on the internet. She had him arrested and in court he saw her for the first time since high school. He said, “"that is not the woman I am stalking.” Then he took a picture out of his wallet and said this was the woman he loved. It was a picture of the woman when she was in high school.
Most Torchbearers are also fantasy addicts and can easily be identified by the longevity of their infatuation: 10, 20, 30, 40 years.
Torchbearers, often ambivalent love addicts, obsess about someone from afar who is unavailable. This can be done without acting out (suffering in silence) or by pursuing the person they are in love with. Some torchbearers are more addicted than others. This kind of addiction feeds on fantasies and illusions.
Torchbearers are by nature both imaginative and romantic. They need to learn how to stop projecting this on to unavailable people.
Torchbearers are usually trying to distract themselves from negative emotions like anger, fear and depression.
For the most part, Torchbearers are addicted to unrequited love which is characterized as an individual who both deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment and unconditional love, while at the same time experiencing fears of emotional intimacy—relating deeply to another person. Such people end up consciously or unconsciously pushing AVAILABLE love away or holding it at a distance.
The solution to this is to reach out for help with someone who understands love addiction. Then make the decision to change how you think about love. Then ask yourself if unavailable love is enough for me? Am I really happy loving someone who does not love me. Finally, take action. There are books written about how to stop loving the wrong person like: "How to Fall Out of Love," by Deborah Phillips.
Finally, learn to love yourself enough to give up your obsession for the wrong person. Channel this need to be loved into your spiritual life. Let God love you. God is available day and night and his/her love is unconditional.