Sponsorship

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Susan Peabody

In 1982, I went to my first 12-Step meeting. The speaker caught my attention when she said, “I know it will be hard, but you will have to reach out for help if you want to get better.” I remember saying to myself “Never. I can do this on my own.” I laugh now because I was so wrong. I really did need help and I got it by the grace of God.

A week later, a woman spoke at a meeting I was attending and I really identified with what she was saying. We had similar stories of addiction. I approached her and she asked for my phone number. It was like she was reading my mind. We exchanged numbers and began a new adventure together.

Joan became my sponsor and she helped me, and I helped her, because she said she needed me to maintain her own recovery. I didn't understand this at first until I began sponsoring others. “Carrying the message,” prompts me to keep up my studies and to get away from my tendency to isolate. It also makes me feel good about myself and about life.

In LAA we are all “wounded healers.” We know all about addiction from our experience with both the problem and the solution.

Here is a list of the qualities of a sponsor and wounded healer:

1. They experienced something similar to me. Not identical but close enough.

2. They are a good listener.

3. They give you positive feed back whether you want it or not.

4. They confront you when necessary.

5. They are sympathetic, but keep their boundaries and do not get lost in your pain.

6. They can practically read your mind.

7. They never gave up on you.

8. They are encouraging.

9. They are hopeful.

10. They mirror back to you your inner beauty.

11. They never judge you.

12. They always encourage you to process all of your pain and not stuff it or take it out on others.

13. They encourage you to forgive those who hurt you and to forgive yourself.

14. They know when to talk and when to listen.

15. They are willing to share their story and shortcomings.

16. They are willing to witness your pain.

17. They have at least gotten to the eighth step in LAA or another 12-Step program.

18. They will help you find a Higher Power, but they will not ram spirituality down your throat.