Obsessive Love Disorder

“Obsessive love disorder” (OLD) refers to a condition where you become obsessed with one person you think you may be in love with.  You might feel the need to protect your loved one obsessively, or even become controlling of them as if they were a possession.


What are the symptoms of obsessive love disorder?

1. An overwhelming attraction to one person.

2. Obsessive thoughts about this person.

3. Feeling the need to “protect” the person you’re in love with—possessive thoughts and actions.

4. Extreme jealousy over other interpersonal interactions.

5. Low self-esteem


People who have OLD do not take rejection well. Usually, the symptoms worsen at the end of a relationship if the other person rejects you. There are other signs of this disorder, such as:

1. Repeated texts, emails, and phone calls to the person you’re in love with.

2. A constant need for reassurance.

3. Difficulty having friendships or maintaining contact with family members because of the obsession.

4. Monitoring the actions of the other person.


What causes a person to develop obsessive love disorder? There’s no one single cause of OLD. Instead, it may be linked to other types of mental health disabilities such as:

1. Attachment Disorders: This group of disorders refers to people who have emotional attachment issues, such as an obsession with another person.

2. Borderline Personality Disorder: This mental health disorder is characterized by a disturbance with self-image coupled with severe mood swings. Borderline Personality Disorder can cause you to vacillate between extreme anger and other moods within a matter of minutes or hours.

3. Erotomania: You believe that someone you love secretly loves you. This can lead to harassment of the other person, such as showing up at their home or workplace.

4. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): This is a combination of obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals. These are severe enough to interfere with your everyday life. OCD can also cause you to need constant reassurance, which can affect your relationships.

5. Obsessional Jealousy: Obsessional Jealousy is a preoccupation with a partner’s perceived infidelity. This preoccupation can lead to repetitive and compulsive behaviors in response to infidelity concerns.


Here are some initial steps for breaking the pattern of this compulsion:

1. Recovery: Stop what you are doing and stand back to observe your own behavior. Take an inventory of your dysfunctional pattern in your current and past relationships. Write it down. Be honest without blaming anyone else for your choices. Unless you are in a committed relationship, do not engage in any potentially romantic

interactions for at least six months. That includes no texting, emailing, online dating sites, hookups, or introductions by well-intentioned friends and family.

2. As you list your inventory, look for the common themes in your relationships. Does there appear to be a similarity between your childhood experiences and your choices as an adult? If so, this is no accident.

3. If you are not in a relationship right now, consider getting professional help with your self-evaluation before you begin your search again. If you are in a relationship, unless you are being abused, don't make any decisions or demands until you look at yourself honestly.

4. Ask yourself how life would be if you took responsibility for your own happiness, successes, and failures, and loved yourself the way you want to be loved.

5. Make a plan and follow through daily. You will be lonely, sad, and frustrated at times, but in the end you will have the most valuable gift of all. You will know and love yourself. Only then can you choose well and have the healthy relationship you deserve.