Post by Linda S. on Apr 25, 2021 6:01:09 GMT -8
I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this, but we discussed this article by Jim Hall (some of whose resources are on our recommended literature list), in a recent LAA meeting and a lot of us found it really helpful: www.loveaddictionhelp.com/28-recovery-self-care-tips-for-love-addicts
The only one of these points I really baulked at was this one:
"Stop feeling you should be ‘nice’ to everyone -- only be nice to/respect those who are nice back."
I shared about this in the meeting and also discussed it with a programme friend yesterday as it troubled me. I know my codependency and Christian values can take me astray in this area. My friend helped me by pointing out that being as kind as possible is not the same as trying to be "nice" to everyone. Being nice is often connected with my people pleasing tendencies, wanting to gain approval etc. Being kind comes from a different place and is more tied in with this saying, which I love:
"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
Still more reflection to do on this one and I think it ties in with Susan Peabody's article on this theme:
loveaddictsanonymous.boards.net/thread/19832/where-kindness-leaves-codependency-begins
The only one of these points I really baulked at was this one:
"Stop feeling you should be ‘nice’ to everyone -- only be nice to/respect those who are nice back."
I shared about this in the meeting and also discussed it with a programme friend yesterday as it troubled me. I know my codependency and Christian values can take me astray in this area. My friend helped me by pointing out that being as kind as possible is not the same as trying to be "nice" to everyone. Being nice is often connected with my people pleasing tendencies, wanting to gain approval etc. Being kind comes from a different place and is more tied in with this saying, which I love:
"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
Still more reflection to do on this one and I think it ties in with Susan Peabody's article on this theme:
loveaddictsanonymous.boards.net/thread/19832/where-kindness-leaves-codependency-begins