Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 25, 2021 9:37:23 GMT -8
Chemistry
Susan Peabody
Since the end of arranged marriages, attraction and chemistry has become the number one reason people choose to get to know someone in pursuit of a relationship. Unfortunately, this is not the best reason to get to know someone if you are a love addict. It is like a flower with no roots.
Over the years, I have tried encouraging people to get to know someone before they decide whether or not to proceed. I rarely get through to them.
In my last relationship, there was no chemistry at first, but I liked this person because we got along and laughed a lot. A few months later we were going for a drive and I suddenly realized how happy and relaxed I was. It was amazing. I looked over at my friend and felt the first strirrings of romance. From that point on I looked at him differently. Eventually I fell in love.
Loving this man was not painful and did not cause me any anxiety because we were so compatible. I believe that this is the way romantic love is supposed to feel. I had no fear of being abandoned. I was not always waiting for some disaster to happen. I was happy, but not high.
Many people use the euphoria of romantic love in childhood to cope with the lack of love from their peers and family of origin. Over time they romanticize the romance and get hooked on the feelings of romantic love. As love addicts in recovery we have to get over this idea that life is not worth living without the high of romantic love. This is a shift in our attitude about love. Then we must think differently about the people we meet. We must not judge them unworthy because of the lack of instant attraction. This shift in consciousness will change your life.
This is sometimes even harder than withdrawal. It means a whole new mindset. But it will change your life forever. It will bring love with longevity. It will bring love without all the drama that you used to be addicted to. If you are tired of the same old merry-go-round of highs and lows, give this new concept about love a chance.