I've gone completely NC with my PoA after our breakup. Though my cousin is now dating his sister, and I've had some exposure about him through them. It hurts. I'm trying all i can do avoid contact, since we're in different cities it is a bit easier. I've blocked him from all social media and even changed my contact number to avoid any sort of contact. Yet in my mind I'm always imagining fake scenarios or conversations with him. Or even thinking about running into him in future or sometimes,the most sickening thing i find myself doing is somehow planning to "accidently" drop him a text or somehow initiate conversation with him. My mind is killing me with these obsessive thoughts and fantasies all day.
And the madness doesn't end there! I often end up dreaming about him. All this is very discouraging for me, makes me think i might never recover from such addiction.
I know the best thing for me is to move forward and forget about him; he displays narcissistic traits somewhat and even has borderline shizophernia. Yet i find myself "in-love" with him, unable to forget him and move on. Still thinking of ways to reconnect with him somehow even if in my rational mind i know it is not right. It's like I'm being painfully pulled in two different directions and i am losing energy to fight my instinct to just give up and text him.
Please someone help. I'm in so much pain... I'm exhausted beyond my capacity.