The Inner Critic

The inner critic is the internal judge and jury—the critical inner voice. This voice tells us:

I am not good enough.
I’m a failure.
I should give up.
I should be over this by now.
I’m fat and ugly.
No one likes me.
I’ll never succeed.
I’m useless.
I’m weak.
I’m crazy.
I’m damaged.
No one could love me.

Every time I find myself explaining the “inner critic” concept to a client, I am met with an all-knowing head nod as if to say, “Yes, I know that voice well.” Some of my adolescent clients respond more poetically with, “Oh yea, that part is a total drag.”

The inner critic can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, depression and can at times feel debilitating. Our inner critic is shaped by our experiences throughout our lives and especially by our primary attachment figures (care givers and parents). Were you bullied throughout school? Was your mother or father especially harsh or perhaps neglectful? Did you attend a school where the culture focused on perfectionism and achievement? Have you experienced a trauma in your life? The legacy of these experiences and the voices of these people throughout our childhood and throughout our lives can sneakily become huge influences of our inner dialogue.

There are healthy ways to cope with our inner critics and I have provided some tips below. As we are all unique and different, I encourage you to experiment with the below ideas and see for yourself what works best.

1. Practice becoming aware of the inner critical voice.

2. Practice self-compassion.

3. Gently challenge it.

I have done well in past interviews.
I have 5 years experience in this area.
I have been offered jobs before.
The worse that will happen is I do not get hired.
It’s normal to feel nervous or scared before an interview.

4. Do not become or stay immobilized in shame. Use a positive affirmation

When you notice your inner critic is as I say, standing on a table with a megaphone, have a pre-chosen affirmation ready. Affirmations such as, “I am enough” or “My worth is not negotiable” or “I am trying my best today.” Reset and repeat your affirmation as many times as you need.



To sum all this up:

Develop awareness of your inner critic. A quiet mind can distinguish more effectively between your inner critic and your inner guidance.

Respond with self-compassion- would I speak this way to my best friend?

Gently challenge with curiosity and understanding.

Take action.

Talk to a trusted family member, friend or therapist.

Exercise or move your body—fresh air if possible.

Use a positive affirmation.

Name your inner critic.