Post by bealtaine45 on Jan 18, 2022 15:10:02 GMT -8
Hi everyone,
I have been attending meetings for a couple of weeks now and although it is painful, it is really helping me so much! Thank you to everyone who has been doing service and sharing.
I think I have been a love addict since I was 14 or 15. I remember desperately wanting to have a boyfriend. I grew up in an alcoholic home so my childhood was full of trauma and pain. I think I sought escapism and comfort through fantasy and yearning for someone to love me.
All throughout my life, I have been attracted to unsuitable, unreliable, troubled or unavailable men. I become obsessed mistaking this for 'love' . I have also met some very kind men but I find this boring after a while..
My latest relationship lasted about a year and I ended it last Jan/Feb..it was extremely painful. He seemed very together and kind in many ways but he would then pull away and distance himself emotionally and physically. He told me he had a crazy narcissist ex, she stopped him seeing their 4 year old child, in the end he gave up trying to see the child. He was under a lot of stress and brought all of this into our relationship. The truth is, I have never met his ex so I don't know if she's as crazy as he says. He also left her when she was pregnant claiming that she got pregnant deliberately. He was with her for about 2.5 years so why would he suddenly abandon her?I really don't even know why I'm still trying to figure this stuff out when it has absolutely nothing to do with me!! It's crazy, I'm still obsessed with it at times. I also tried to help him with all of this stuff, I thought to myself, if I can help him through all of this, then he will be there for me and he will love me. I ended it so many times but went back to him repeatedly thinking that I was wrong, that things will be better, he never introduced me to his family which was a huge red flag, I didn't meet any of his friends, he distanced himself one day, only to be full of love the next. I was confused all the time! I had a bad feeling in my gut at times, I felt weird energy in his house. I know that I am anxiously attached and fear abandonment so I thought for a long time that the problem was me...but when I broke up with him I learned about the love avoidant which seems to explain his behaviour. His father also took his own life so he has had a lot to deal with in recent years. At the end, I realised that my needs weren't being met, I longed for emotional intimacy and honesty and a close friendship at a deep level. I was very lonely but I feared being completely alone so I stayed. Of course, we had good times but it wasn't enough.
However, a year later I am still struggling. I got a Christmas card and note from him and the last month has been a mixture of anger, confusion and longing for contact. I lashed out and wrote a furious letter to him explaining all the hurt I had suffered. I felt better briefly...to be honest, the last year I fell into a deep depression and it's still there at times. I am still obsessed at times and I sometimes imagine that he will arrive at my door to save me!
Anyway, thank you for listening. I am also in AA last 17 years and I have found contentment in many areas of my life. I have raised a wonderful son who is now 21 and I enjoy my work and I continue to study. I love gardening and reading and music but I am very introverted and quiet and I struggle to maintain friendships. I long for solid, female companionship. I tend to isolate which doesn't help. I am very hard on myself. I hope to learn to love myself more. I am terrified that I will end up in another awful relationship with a dysfunctional man. I lost faith in my higher power this last year. I desperately want to reconnect with hp and to grow in love for myself. I would also love to help others.
Thank you for reading and blessings xx
I have been attending meetings for a couple of weeks now and although it is painful, it is really helping me so much! Thank you to everyone who has been doing service and sharing.
I think I have been a love addict since I was 14 or 15. I remember desperately wanting to have a boyfriend. I grew up in an alcoholic home so my childhood was full of trauma and pain. I think I sought escapism and comfort through fantasy and yearning for someone to love me.
All throughout my life, I have been attracted to unsuitable, unreliable, troubled or unavailable men. I become obsessed mistaking this for 'love' . I have also met some very kind men but I find this boring after a while..
My latest relationship lasted about a year and I ended it last Jan/Feb..it was extremely painful. He seemed very together and kind in many ways but he would then pull away and distance himself emotionally and physically. He told me he had a crazy narcissist ex, she stopped him seeing their 4 year old child, in the end he gave up trying to see the child. He was under a lot of stress and brought all of this into our relationship. The truth is, I have never met his ex so I don't know if she's as crazy as he says. He also left her when she was pregnant claiming that she got pregnant deliberately. He was with her for about 2.5 years so why would he suddenly abandon her?I really don't even know why I'm still trying to figure this stuff out when it has absolutely nothing to do with me!! It's crazy, I'm still obsessed with it at times. I also tried to help him with all of this stuff, I thought to myself, if I can help him through all of this, then he will be there for me and he will love me. I ended it so many times but went back to him repeatedly thinking that I was wrong, that things will be better, he never introduced me to his family which was a huge red flag, I didn't meet any of his friends, he distanced himself one day, only to be full of love the next. I was confused all the time! I had a bad feeling in my gut at times, I felt weird energy in his house. I know that I am anxiously attached and fear abandonment so I thought for a long time that the problem was me...but when I broke up with him I learned about the love avoidant which seems to explain his behaviour. His father also took his own life so he has had a lot to deal with in recent years. At the end, I realised that my needs weren't being met, I longed for emotional intimacy and honesty and a close friendship at a deep level. I was very lonely but I feared being completely alone so I stayed. Of course, we had good times but it wasn't enough.
However, a year later I am still struggling. I got a Christmas card and note from him and the last month has been a mixture of anger, confusion and longing for contact. I lashed out and wrote a furious letter to him explaining all the hurt I had suffered. I felt better briefly...to be honest, the last year I fell into a deep depression and it's still there at times. I am still obsessed at times and I sometimes imagine that he will arrive at my door to save me!
Anyway, thank you for listening. I am also in AA last 17 years and I have found contentment in many areas of my life. I have raised a wonderful son who is now 21 and I enjoy my work and I continue to study. I love gardening and reading and music but I am very introverted and quiet and I struggle to maintain friendships. I long for solid, female companionship. I tend to isolate which doesn't help. I am very hard on myself. I hope to learn to love myself more. I am terrified that I will end up in another awful relationship with a dysfunctional man. I lost faith in my higher power this last year. I desperately want to reconnect with hp and to grow in love for myself. I would also love to help others.
Thank you for reading and blessings xx
