Gosh, this is me and my husband to a T. He is a total avoidant. I'm the addict. I wish I had known this earlier in our relationship, but I didn't even know there was such a thing. My husband has very thick walls, never wants to talk about anything intimate, never wants to have sex or touch or connect, and never sees me as someone who needs love. In fact, he sees me as someone who should be patting him on the back, identifying all the great things he's done, and focusing on him solely. He also cannot take responsibility for his own actions (extremely narcissistic).
This all reminds me to focus on ME, not him. His problems are HIS. He is making choices. He is smart enough to know how to do the research and work on his own.
Funny enough, I did send him information on Avoidant attachment a few months ago thinking he might read it and want to change. Ha ha. Joke's on me.
I realize that if he never does his work, we will end up separating or living like strangers, which is something I just don't want to do. This won't stop me from doing my work, but it does make me ill thinking that it will be a long time before I experience real love from any man. In some ways, this is good for my healing. In other ways, it is depressing! However, I have to realize that if our relationship ends, then it ends. I'll move on, not rejected or abandoned or anything, but because he wasn't willing to change to be better. This, again, has nothing to do with me.