Anxiety - do I need too much reassurance?

Yeah, I got to thinking about it. One my of main love languages is words of affirmation. That can be tough, because a lot of men are not socialized to say the words. And I’ve noticed that the few men who *are* really fluent with words, tend to be the men who will lie, use flattery, that kind of negative way to be good with words. As a person with a love language of words, I’ve been vulnerable to, and terribly hurt by, men who are slick talkers. And then I’ve probably missed out on some wonderful men because they just didn’t have the verbal skills - it took me a long time to start seeing non-verbal things men sometimes do to show love and interest.

L is always showing me something interesting he has read or seen on TV. We watch TV together most nights after dinner, and he makes an effort to find things I like on TV — he knows my tastes, and luckily we have similar interests and similar likes and dislikes.

When we have a gift-giving occasion, he always puts a lot of thought into whatever he gives me - the colors and styles I like, my interests, etc.

While we were still split up (but soon before we got back together 3 years ago), he gave me a silver bracelet for Xmas. He’d left the receipt in case I wanted to exchange it. So that’s how I know it cost $300.

We’re not poor, but we aren’t rich enough so he would give a $300 bracelet to a woman he just likes as a friend. That year’s Xmas gift really made me stop and think; he obviously thought a lot of me. That gift helped me gather the courage about two months later to ask if we could try again as a couple. And when we had that conversation, he did say, “I love you,” without any nudging from me.

I try not to overdo saying, “I love you;” I figure birthdays and Xmas are safe to say it—and then I ration myself to saying it about once every two months. And every time I’ve said it until now, he said, “I love you too.” This time was the first time he said something different.

And now, it’s evening and we’re home on the couch, and everything seems pretty normal.

So I’m inclined to think I just have a heightened fear of abandonment.