The Rejection Wound

The rejection wound is sometimes more painful than the abandonment wound.

“If you have the rejection wound, it is because, when you were a child, you were not responded to when you reached out for connection with parents, other adults, or peers. You weren't appreciated or liked enough. People pushed you away, ignored you, or weren't available when you wanted to connect with them. Your peers may have chosen other kids to be friends with. These rejections made you feel that you weren't lovable or even likable, and that there was something wrong with you that made other people not want to connect with you.” Self-Help Journal

In my opinion, the rejection wound is worse than the abandonment wound. Abandonment can happen accidentally when a parent gets sick or dies. Rejection is an outright message to the person being rejected. My mother told me more than once, “I don't like you because you remind me of my mother.” Ouch!

Between my mother and my peers at school, I carry the rejection wound around like a hot iron. It is burning my hand. I have to remember that God has not rejected me. In fact, I am one of his favorites. LOL Friends are nice, but not as fulfilling in the long run as the love of your Higher Power.

How do you know if you have a rejection wound?

• When someone rejects you, you are not just sad, you fall into despair.

• You feel suicidal when rejected.

• When you are rejected, you experience age regression and feel like the child that experienced the original rejection . . . and all the pain that goes with that.

• You hang on too long to a toxic relationship rather than feel rejected.

• When you need to reject a toxic person, you feel abnormal guilt.

• You are a serious people pleaser to avoid even the slightest rejection.

• You refuse to reject people even when they are bad for you because you project your own fear of rejection on to others. This is unhealthy loyalty.

• When you do reject someone, even when you do not like them or they are not right for you, you try to get back together with them rather than feel the rejection withdrawal.

• You cannot let go of a relationship, no matter what you are suffering.

• You avoid relationships rather than face your fear of rejection.

• You are ambivalent about relationships because of your rejection wound.

• You reject someone before they can reject you.

I do not think complete healing is possible when it comes to some childhood wounds, but everybody is different. However, I do know how to get the hurt to subside when you get rejected.

Consider the following . . .

1. Get in the habit of accessing yourself. We take other people’s opinions far to seriously, especially when they trigger the rejection wound.

2. Look at the bright side of rejection. You finally got that toxic person out of your life. Now you can start to find people who affirm you just the way you are.

3. Make a list of your positive traits. If you have low self-esteem, make this a detailed list.

4. Stop trying to be perfect. No one is perfect. We are perfectly imperfect and live in the shadow of God’s perfection.

5. Pick your friends and lovers carefully. Discard people early on if they do not like you and are always trying to fix you.

6. Accept yourself as a work in progress. Create a list of affirmations about yourself.

7. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are special in your own way, and this is the attitude you must have about yourself.

8. Look to your Higher Power for validation, not flawed human beings. God adores you; understands you; sees you; likes you; loves you; never rejects or abandons you.