chrissy
Junior Member
Newcomer Greeter
Posts: 75
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Post by chrissy on Dec 28, 2008 12:34:00 GMT -8
Taking responsbility for yourself and your happiness gives great freedom to children who have felt guilty and responsible for your unhappiness (which they always do). A child can never hope to balance the scales or repay the debt when a parent has sacrificed her life, her happiness, her fulfillment for the child. or the family.
Seeing a parent fully embrace life gives the child permission to do the same, just as seeing a parent suffer indicates to the child that suffering is what life is all about. |
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Post by judy on Dec 28, 2008 15:01:59 GMT -8
I can't say enough about how true this is. I am watching my mother live her days in a negative depression and dementia. And it's bringing up in me - horribly unhappy upbringing, my poor choices in life, MY guilt for her unhappiness. It is so true about watching a parent embracing life - and that giving you the permission to do the same. I am actually, physically, feeling how that did NOT happen with me and how I am still suffering from it. So interesting. I am going to try and work on it in the next year. The guilt is immense.
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chrissy
Junior Member
Newcomer Greeter
Posts: 75
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Post by chrissy on Dec 28, 2008 17:41:19 GMT -8
I know this too well myself, my mother was definitely bi polar ( never diagnosed) I has such guilt all the time..was made to believe that I was the reason for her unhappiness or happiness given no direction, guidance or nurturance..
I know that my kids have suffered from my LA although I would like to think that for most of their lives it was mostly happy..
I have since forgiven my parents and understand that it truly was not their fault- I believe that the life lesson was learned for me which made me who I am...not always prould of it -but working on it one day at a time!
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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 28, 2008 18:23:53 GMT -8
My son's story about praying for mom . . .
When I had been sober for awhile, I was talking to my thirteen-year old son Karl about my new found love of God. He nodded his head as I was talking, and for some reason I felt compelled to ask him if he believed in God. He replied, “Sure.” I was a little surprised because he had never mentioned this to me before. I was very curious and pursued the matter. I asked him when he had started believing in God. He replied nonchalantly, “About a year ago.” “What brought on this newfound faith?” I inquired. At this point, Karl hesitated. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I pressured him a little, because I really wanted to know. “How did it happen?” I said softly. Karl looked at me a minute, trying to read my face. Finally, he shrugged and said, “Well, I asked him for something and he gave it to me. I guess I’ve believed in him ever since.” I was really on the edge of my chair now. I asked him what he had requested of God. He balked at this question and whined, “It’s personal, mom.” I told him that I didn’t want to invade his privacy and I certainly wouldn’t force him to tell me about it, but I really wanted to know. After another hesitation, Karl finally said. “Well, mom, about a year ago you were screaming at sis and me and then you sat down on the floor and started crying. You were rocking back and forth, and it really scared me. I didn’t know what to do, so I went into my room and I asked God to please help you. Right after that you got into AA and really started to change. I guess I have believed in God ever since. He gave me what I asked for.” I couldn’t say anything, but I hugged Karl as the tears ran down my face. Miracles really do happen and in his own way my son had experienced a spiritual awakening. I have had many special moments since turning my will and my life over to the care of God, but that conversation with my son was one of the best.
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