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Post by ush1967 on Oct 22, 2022 11:12:37 GMT -8
Oh, so sorry for reacting so late. Thank you somuch for the offer!!! I see your post only now.
I don' t need to have contact with him. It' s my pattern and my wish to keep him in my life. I' m so confused now. Because now that he has unblocked me and we spoke again. I' m still disgusted by him. I have to let go of the need for getting even. But the other me wants to get back to forgiveness and a civil way of parting ways.
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Post by ush1967 on Oct 22, 2022 11:41:31 GMT -8
I just reaised that I can not forgive him for the lies. But I still need to know why he did what he did. I did not deserve his betrayelat all. I want him to see that he lacks integrity. And I want him hurting the way I hurt. I need him to feel guilty of treason. Just like my hurt is keeping me from living and enjoying life. It' s eating me up. He knew it happened to me before and I came close to suïcide than. This is what still bothers me. The total lack of empathy. The delibarate actions of sabotaging my life. On the othervhand, maybe I ll be able to forgive this time. That' s up to him. If he had not met me, he would still be suffering in Wallonie. With a lousy job and a lousy life. And I might have found happiness with somebody that truly loved me and I would not have lost my trust in people completely, again. I can never trust anybody again. This time I' m the one blocking him. Untill I' m ready. I made a mistake to let himin my life. First I need to find a way to heal.
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Post by Light on Oct 22, 2022 18:02:43 GMT -8
Hallo Ush I understand your Anger. But Anger Is a stage that we have to overcome First of all for our wellness.
In your last post there are many HIM and IF.
HIM beacause you are still concentrate to much on HIM, your ex (Poa). You should start to switch from HIM to YOU.
IF Is a dangerous Word for our thinking. We Imagine something which Is not real and we regret that something and this causes pain.
Concentrate on you and your real feelings. Concentrate on your Life and your Recovery. Keep on Reading about love addiction and become aware of your disease. This Is the First step to healing.
Keep on looking for help. We are here for each other...
Light
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Post by ush1967 on Oct 23, 2022 9:09:40 GMT -8
Thank you. Yes, I did block him now. First concentrate on myself and than I' ll try to figure out once more, why I want contact with him. I' ll just start all over again...
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Post by Light on Oct 23, 2022 9:20:42 GMT -8
Yes, start again!! I started again so many times...
Good Luck!
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Post by ush1967 on Oct 23, 2022 12:36:15 GMT -8
Thank you!!
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Oct 23, 2022 17:04:56 GMT -8
“ I want him to see that he lacks integrity. And I want him hurting the way I hurt. I need him to feel guilty….”
When L and I were having problems, I was angry and hurt—and I wanted to make him hurt just as badly. I wanted him to realize how badly he had hurt me; really think about it.
I know that it’s important for us to acknowledge our feelings and accept them. But my mistake here was letting those feelings overwhelm me, letting my feelings take charge of the situation. I did things that hurt him—and I now believe this was toxic to myself, as well.
One trait I have (which is one of my Step 6/Step 7 character flaws) is a tendency to hold grudges and to desire revenge. If somebody hurts me, I want them to hurt, too. This is one of those character flaws that I want my Higher Power to remove from me.
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Post by ush1967 on Oct 25, 2022 8:46:09 GMT -8
There is one important topic. The rage and need for revenge. I m about to choose, because it is a choice I know. To not have my revenge. Just forgive him. And see how it goes. But, the choice is not yet heartfelt. There still is this part of me that says you need to seek for moral justice for your own selfrespect. And I do think that I need to make sure I really am choosing for what I think is good for me. Not because of what' s in the rulebook. I do pray for the universe to guide me in this. The rage on the other hand. I think only something like mindfulness or meditation will help with that.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Oct 25, 2022 16:45:31 GMT -8
It’s hard when you are still feeling angry to forgive, or even to move on.
The next time I’m in a situation like this, I would like to know:
How can I handle my feelings of anger and rage appropriately—without hurting other people, but also without bottling it up and corroding myself?
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Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 26, 2022 10:42:27 GMT -8
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Oct 26, 2022 12:18:25 GMT -8
Thank you, Susan. I needed this.
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Post by ush1967 on Oct 28, 2022 2:21:55 GMT -8
That is a good one, yes thank you.
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Post by ush1967 on Oct 28, 2022 2:26:38 GMT -8
I keep dreaming about him and his new wife. That' s so painful. Today, I ll try to change that around.Focus on life, don' t know how, yet. But will try. I enjoy long walks with the doggy, so that' s what' s going to be my distraction.. fingers crossed
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Oct 29, 2022 4:56:15 GMT -8
Finding new things to think about and focus on always helps me.
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 2, 2022 23:27:48 GMT -8
And then life happened. I' m on Twitter a lot, because it' s my local pub , my hangout. And I met somebody there. We had contact through private messages before. About a year ago. He' s Dutch, has worked and lived in Indonesia for the past two decades. And we messaged so much the last couple of days that we are aware that we have feelings for each other. So...what now? I think I need a sponsor...I' m not sure what to do. I was in a meeting, yesrerday. And I definetly need more of that.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Nov 3, 2022 9:51:17 GMT -8
Are you spending so much time on this person (either talking to him, or thinking about him) that you neglect other parts of your life?
Something to think about. When I get obsessed with somebody, that’s the road to trouble for me.
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 4, 2022 2:26:45 GMT -8
I' m attending to all my obligations and met up with some people the last couple of days. So there' s enough distraction. There' s always the danger of obsessing. So I' m quite vigilant. That' s why me attending meetings as much as possible and maybe more OR would be wise. On that note I' ll go and look if there' s a meeting I could attend to
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Nov 4, 2022 7:14:38 GMT -8
It sounds like you’re aware of your own behavior, and that’s a very good thing.
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 5, 2022 10:16:15 GMT -8
Yes, I need my mind to think over every step I take.
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 6, 2022 5:22:47 GMT -8
My mum passed away yesterday, she was 95.I did not tell my qualifier. But my mom' s ex daughter in law send him a text. He called me, yesterday. I missed the call, because he' s blocked. But had to contact him. I don't want him anywhere near me, my family or my mum' s funeral. I was very angry about him getting that texted. And now he does not want contact with me anymore. Good!! I just read Jim Hall s text about No Contact.
And I say out loud NO Stop!! NO More.!! As long as he keeps paying for his doggy I don' t need to ever speak to him again
NO Contact!
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 6, 2022 5:24:44 GMT -8
NO More!!!
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Post by Susan Peabody on Nov 6, 2022 8:44:01 GMT -8
I am sorry about your mother. May she rest is peace . . .
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Nov 6, 2022 9:01:58 GMT -8
Ush1967, I am sorry about the loss of your mother. This is one of the hardest things in most people’s lives, I think. Be extra gentle, wise, and loving with yourself.
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 7, 2022 2:21:01 GMT -8
Thank you my dear Susan and Rose. I' m so relieved she' s finally with all the people that I love. My father, Christophe, my aunts and the family friends. Her best friend. Her mum and dad. My doggies and cat. I always said that I was free to leave earth when my mom was gone. But now I found love again.
I' m curious enough to stay around for a while and experience this new adventure.
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 8, 2022 3:12:27 GMT -8
I contacted my PoA. Dumm dumm dumm. So I start all over again. Of course I' m a bit lost with mommy gone.
There is a void in my time.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Nov 8, 2022 10:40:52 GMT -8
I contacted my PoA. Dumm dumm dumm. So I start all over again. Of coarse I' m a bit lost with mommy gone. There is a void in my time. You are aware of this, and that’s good. Next time you feel like contacting him—what are some things you could do instead? |
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 8, 2022 13:56:55 GMT -8
Euhmmm....I' m starting to post messages in 2 WAGs. It helps. Great support in both of the groups. And there is a man in my life since the 24th of october. We have what' s app contact. He lives in Indonesia is Dutch( yeay). And we are a great match. Because he does not want a relationship as well. Got hurt too. So I would message him. I just have to be careful that he will not be my next PoA. And I have other friends as well, who I can contact. Everybody is very caring now with my mom gone. Mom and I had a great bond, so everybody was very worried how my reaction would be to her passing. But I' m doing extremely well. I m very grateful that I m not falling apart like I did so many times this year facing adversary.
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 8, 2022 14:09:20 GMT -8
Great question!! Thank you for that. Now I can prepare in case I find myself on the verge of breaking the NC rule.
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 10, 2022 4:03:34 GMT -8
Just typed a whole text about Mr. Indonsia, focussing on me and how with the help of my HP / the Universe for guidance and strenth. That s a quick summmary. Tonight Meeting LAA South Africa, looking forward to it ze
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 11, 2022 2:12:01 GMT -8
I missed the meeting. I missed the meeting. Real bummer , because I needed it really badly.
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