RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Nov 11, 2022 8:47:46 GMT -8
I missed the meeting. I missed the meeting. Real bummer , because I needed it really badly. Maybe read some program literature? |
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 14, 2022 10:10:32 GMT -8
Thank you. Can you suggest something? I ' m focussing on self love first. Because mr. Indonesia will not be the centre of my universe. I need time for myself for a few years.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Nov 15, 2022 16:32:16 GMT -8
Thank you. Can you suggest something? I ' m focussing on self love first. Because mr. Indonesia will not be the centre of my universe. I need time for myself for a few years. Susan’s book - Addiction To Love Robin Norwood - Women Who Love Too Much Melody Beattie - Codependent No More These are three good grounding basics. |
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 16, 2022 12:41:45 GMT -8
Thank you for the suggestions. I read Robin Norwood. So, it' s Susan' s book + the other one.My gratitude for your effort.
My heart is on a roller coaster ride. I now know the differance between a qualifier and a PoA. Mr. Indonesia is my PoA at the moment. It feels awful. On the other hand it feels comfortably familiar and safe. Still, I will concentrate on the self love I know I have in me.
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Post by ush1967 on Nov 23, 2022 10:45:51 GMT -8
I have been able to hold no contact with my PoA
Untill today. In his last message my PoA asked some questions about me. And I have a trust issue since my Qualifier( my ex- partner for ten plus years) and I broke up in such horrifying circumstances.
So I held back and thought about what and how to reply. And why I was so reluctant to tell him more about myself.
Usually he messages a lot. But I heard nothing. I know he does not want a relationship. And I respect that. I am certainly not ready for a full blown comittment, myself. But there is definetly mutual attraction.
Today I gave him the answers he asked for. Told him a bit more about myself. Since we know each other from social media for a while already, he does know quite a few facts.
After my messages he started sending voice messages again. And we called tonight for a long time. So now he is the new man in my life. I can't believe it. He seems genuine and sincere.
I would have never thought this would happen. I really don' t mind him being
12000 km away. I don' t feel constrained.
I can still live my own life.
I feel hopeful and feel loved. Fingers crossed.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Nov 23, 2022 12:11:21 GMT -8
Are you talking about the man in Indonesia?
Were you trying to do No Contact with him?
I know you were struggling not to contact your ex.
The main thing to ask yourself:
Are you obsessed with this person?
Are you neglecting other parts of your life so you can spend time thinking about him?
I won’t give you a hard-and-fast rule such as “never be the first one to call.” All situations are different.
I’m just saying, keep a watch on your state of mind. If you feel like you can’t wait to finish the things you have to do in everyday life—so you can spend time and energy on him—that’s a bad sign.
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Post by ush1967 on Dec 5, 2022 14:21:34 GMT -8
Are you talking about the man in Indonesia? Were you trying to do No Contact with him? I know you were struggling not to contact your ex. The main thing to ask yourself: Are you obsessed with this person? Are you neglecting other parts of your life so you can spend time thinking about him? I won’t give you a hard-and-fast rule such as “never be the first one to call.” All situations are different. I’m just saying, keep a watch on your state of mind. If you feel like you can’t wait to finish the things you have to do in everyday life—so you can spend time and energy on him—that’s a bad sign. No contact with my ex will be hard. His doggy that he abandoned needs a treatment. And I bullied him into contributing to the costs. So I had to contact him. Now I will go No Contact with him again. Mr.Indonesia is a whole different story. Don't know why he's not ready for a commitment.I will know when he' s ready to tell me. And that' s ok. I m not ready to tell him my whole story either. The distance was a problem for me. And he does not want me to fly to him. Amsterdam - Bali. Not now. He ll be in Amsterdam in een may. And the big thing is. He is not ready to commit. So we had loving contact and than he fell of the radar. Told me, this happens often. He needs time to recharge and work( he travels a lot, because of his work). First time it happened I was a lovesick puppy. We talked about his behaviour. And I need to say, I recognized the need to recharge, big time. Told him that I do the same thing to my friends. So asked him to stop apolagizing. And that gave him space and trust. He said he definetly has feelings. And he could handle it if we move slow. ....will be continued. |
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Dec 5, 2022 15:35:17 GMT -8
Well, I think you were right to ask your ex for help with the dog.
Now, Mr. Indonesia: I think it’s good that you two are talking about the situation. He says he doesn’t want a commitment. Do you believe him?
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Post by ush1967 on Dec 9, 2022 22:35:20 GMT -8
Well, I think you were right to ask your ex for help with the dog. Now, Mr. Indonesia: I think it’s good that you two are talking about the situation. He says he doesn’t want a commitment. Do you believe him? You are so sharp! Thank you for your support, RN. He says he' s had bad experiences in Indonesia which made him this way. But he does have warm feelings for me. I' m ok with how things are going now.He has a story of his own, but needs to get to know me first.He opens up bit by bit. I need to say, I m just so happy my plans for murdering the new love in my ex his life( just to punish him, i could not care less about her) and the pain about his betrayel are gone. Mr. Indonesia is a gift. I m so in disbelief. So quickly and so strong this vibe of love. I thought I would be grieving the next 8 yrs at least. He wants to know my story. But I' m not. able to tell the story to anyone. Not, yet. Or maybe never. I m happy with my journal at home and here. This is a great place with friends. |
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Dec 11, 2022 8:01:44 GMT -8
In my opinion—and it’s only my opinion—you are wise to leave things where they are with Mr. Indonesia.
You both have some past experiences to work through in your own minds. I’ve NEVER heard of a case where two troubled people “fixed each other with the magic of love.” That happens in fiction stories, but I doubt it has happened in real life.
I like the way you’re handling it so far. You acknowledge the attraction (because trying to repress it won’t be good.) But you also admit, honestly, to yourself and others, “I’m not ready to be in a relationship yet. My wounds from the past are still healing.”
So….with that said…What does your day-to-day life look like?
Do you work, or go to school?
Who do you see and talk to every day?
How are your health habits? (Getting enough sleep, eating foods that are good for your health, that kind of thing)?
When I let go of thinking about my POA and love and relationships all the time, I found I had some empty time and space to fill up with other things.
It’s important to do things for your health. It’s also wonderful when you find things to be interested in, things to care about, that have nothing to do with love, relationships, partners, etc.
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Post by ush1967 on Dec 14, 2022 0:12:08 GMT -8
Hi, a quick word from me. I' m struggling with life at this moment.S *h*,i*t* edoesn' t stop happening. I think I ll get trough it. I don' t know who reads here, so I ll try to do more Zoom Meetings to process my foggy brain. RN, thank you for your questions. I will answer them. But I m taking a little break from this journal. Is there a way I could have controll over who can read my journal??
Susan, you are in my thoughts and prayers to the Universe to send good + positive NRG your way. RN I will read your journal...
See you guys in the zoom meets, maybe...i hope.
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Post by ush1967 on Dec 15, 2022 5:55:39 GMT -8
Hi, a quick word from me. I' m struggling with life at this moment. Sh* ite doesn' t stop happening. I think I ll get trough it. I don' t know who reads here, so I ll try to do more Zoom Meetings to process my foggy brain. RN, thank you for your questions. I will answer them. But I m taking a little break from this journal. Is there a way I could have controll over who can read my journal?? Susan, you are in my thoughts and prayers to the Universe to send good + positive NRG your way. RN I will read your journal... See you guys in the zoom meets, maybe...i hope. |
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Post by ush1967 on Jan 16, 2023 2:03:38 GMT -8
I m sorry I m not here anymore. But, I think my Ex partner ( HYC1963) might be reading here. I' m not sure and not taking any risk
So that' s why....
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Jan 16, 2023 9:16:47 GMT -8
I really doubt that your ex-partner is reading things on this site.
POAs don’t pay nearly as much attention to us as we pay to them.
To us, the POA can be the whole world. To them, we are usually just a blip on the screen.
But if you feel safer staying quiet—of course, do that. You deserve to feel safe.
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