coming to real conclusions about myself...
Oct 13, 2022 14:06:22 GMT -8
Light and RoseNadler like this
Post by nebula on Oct 13, 2022 14:06:22 GMT -8
Hello,
I am new here. I am new to this whole concept. A couple of years ago I was recommended a book on love, sex and addiction as I was also being diagnosed with ADHD. In the book (which I am still reading), there was some speak about these groups and so I decided to look into it. Here I am. I am scared. I am emotional. I have so many rapid thoughts and its difficult to keep them straight. I want to mend my heart so bad and know that I am OKAY. Everything is going to be okay. Some days are harder than others. I was married for 10 years and during that time I begged and pleaded with my him to stop drinking. Little did I know that I was just as much an addict as he was just in a different way. Before our divorce was even finalized I had already met someone. I hadn't even moved out of the family house. Coming to grips that I have moved so quickly from one relationship to the other has been eye opening. I even did this same pattern prior to meeting my husband of 10 years. I am still with the boyfriend. He too has his addictions and so here I am in the cycle again. Metaphorically speaking His book cover is different but the basic functions and pattern lingers. I am an overdoer in the love department. I love to much to hard and too fast. I spin my wheels at the expense of my own health. I have found myself without an appetite for days and even weeks on end depending on the amount of stress I am dealing with. I am well under a healthy weight and I know that is so bad. I have a 6 year old son who I am so fond of. He is just a complete joy to have a round. So when I know that I have so many internal conflicts it just kills me inside to know that I am a mother and I MUST set an example for my little guy so that he can pick the right people to be around and identify those who are no good for him. My parents divorced when I was the age of 4. My whole life I have been about chasing love and the desire to feel love. Perhaps for the following reasons... At the age of 6 I had my first sexual encounter with a grown man who would touch me sexually many times during that summer and in the same year I lost my grandmother. Then at 10 years old I loose my mother to AML. It was all down hill from here. My father was somewhat present but his love language was different then mine, which may explain his failed marriage with my mother. So here I am a young girl and no real way to know how to deal with my emotions. Boys. Relationships. Friends. That's all I had. Or so I thought. Now, I am 36 years old and I feel I have a lot of work to do on myself and it feels like am more alone now then I have ever felt. Sharing this with complete strangers makes it easy but talking about this stuff to someone I know is extremely discomforting and I sometimes get into these episodes where I am completely out of control and physically hurting myself because of the intense amount of anger I have inside me. I need help. Not sure if I am in the right place. Either way thank you for reading and taking the time to respond.
I am new here. I am new to this whole concept. A couple of years ago I was recommended a book on love, sex and addiction as I was also being diagnosed with ADHD. In the book (which I am still reading), there was some speak about these groups and so I decided to look into it. Here I am. I am scared. I am emotional. I have so many rapid thoughts and its difficult to keep them straight. I want to mend my heart so bad and know that I am OKAY. Everything is going to be okay. Some days are harder than others. I was married for 10 years and during that time I begged and pleaded with my him to stop drinking. Little did I know that I was just as much an addict as he was just in a different way. Before our divorce was even finalized I had already met someone. I hadn't even moved out of the family house. Coming to grips that I have moved so quickly from one relationship to the other has been eye opening. I even did this same pattern prior to meeting my husband of 10 years. I am still with the boyfriend. He too has his addictions and so here I am in the cycle again. Metaphorically speaking His book cover is different but the basic functions and pattern lingers. I am an overdoer in the love department. I love to much to hard and too fast. I spin my wheels at the expense of my own health. I have found myself without an appetite for days and even weeks on end depending on the amount of stress I am dealing with. I am well under a healthy weight and I know that is so bad. I have a 6 year old son who I am so fond of. He is just a complete joy to have a round. So when I know that I have so many internal conflicts it just kills me inside to know that I am a mother and I MUST set an example for my little guy so that he can pick the right people to be around and identify those who are no good for him. My parents divorced when I was the age of 4. My whole life I have been about chasing love and the desire to feel love. Perhaps for the following reasons... At the age of 6 I had my first sexual encounter with a grown man who would touch me sexually many times during that summer and in the same year I lost my grandmother. Then at 10 years old I loose my mother to AML. It was all down hill from here. My father was somewhat present but his love language was different then mine, which may explain his failed marriage with my mother. So here I am a young girl and no real way to know how to deal with my emotions. Boys. Relationships. Friends. That's all I had. Or so I thought. Now, I am 36 years old and I feel I have a lot of work to do on myself and it feels like am more alone now then I have ever felt. Sharing this with complete strangers makes it easy but talking about this stuff to someone I know is extremely discomforting and I sometimes get into these episodes where I am completely out of control and physically hurting myself because of the intense amount of anger I have inside me. I need help. Not sure if I am in the right place. Either way thank you for reading and taking the time to respond.
