Hallo annebelle, and welcome back to the board. I hear you! I'm a Torchbearer too and I understand how you feel.
I've obsessed for years over a Poa but now I feel much more free. Before the thinking about him was continous and invasive, today I think of many other things but sometimes I go back with memories and thoughts about him.
I started recovery here on 2009, this progress is based on a work of more than ten years.
But what I think is crucial in this progress is Prayer..
Please keep on posting and let us know how you are doing and how you are progressing!