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Post by rebuildingtrust on Oct 17, 2022 13:25:05 GMT -8
I’ve landed here because I had an affair on my husband of 23 years. We started using a platform called Affair Recovery. We are stuck. We are 2.5 years from my disclosure. After diving deep and examining myself I have had a pattern of cheating on every boyfriend through out adolescence. I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone. If things got bland in relationship or I felt rejected (avoidant partners), then I wouldn’t give them a chance to reject me so I latched on to someone else. My affair was mostly fantasized. I made it something it wasn’t. I could listen to a song and live in the lyrics. It was with a coworker who I let totally use me. I’m pretty sure he was seeing other women I worked with. I lied to myself and said it was ok because I was married too). I’m learning that I have always chosen unavailable men. My husband is addicted to gambling. Anyways I am learning a lot from this website! Thank you
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Post by rebuildingtrust on Oct 17, 2022 13:39:57 GMT -8
I just read the types and it sounds like I am a relationship addict. Please give insight!
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Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 17, 2022 17:21:14 GMT -8
A relationship addict is someone who is addicted to or dependent on a relationship but there is no romance involved. It includes an addiction to parents, children, siblings, friends etc. If you are married, then you are just addicted to the routine or the companionship. You are unhappy, but afraid of moving on. With children you love your child, but you are too enmeshed. Your whole life revolves around your children whether they are young and old. Someone who is addicted to a parent has no will to outgrow the relationship. They still let the parent control them and make decisions. For example, I read a story recently of a prospective mother-in-law did not like the bride's choice of wedding gown. To please his mother, the groom exchanged the dress for the one his mom left. His bride was furious.
Relationship addictions are even harder to recover from than love addiction because often no-contact is not possible. I was on a jury once and the man on trial killed his wife. When he got on the witness stand he said he could just not choose between his wife (relationship addiction) and his mistress (love addiction). He said he was powerless to choose so he just killed his wife in desperation.
These cases may seem extreme, but they really happened. Recovery from relationship addiction is a weaning of the enmeshment and separating by creating a new life.
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Post by Light on Oct 17, 2022 21:13:48 GMT -8
Hi rebuildingtrust (I like your name),
and welcome on board! Thank you for talking about you and for sharing.
I had a fantasy relationship with my Poa, so I understand what you mean.
You are in the right place! And we are all here to help each other.
Please keep on reading this precious board and learn as much as you can about our disease (knowledge is power).
It is very important to understand and study our patterns to get awareness about what we do and who we are.
Glad you are here!
Light
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RoseNadler
Moderator
Newcomer Greeter & Moderator
Posts: 1,068
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Post by RoseNadler on Oct 18, 2022 11:36:20 GMT -8
rebuildingtrust, you sound a LOT like me. So similar.
I’m glad you’re here. I hope we can help each other.
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