Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 8, 2008 8:53:23 GMT -8
From Whispersoft . . .
I had a vivid dream the other night that I was lured back to my ex's house. I saw myself walking into the living room with him standing there as I prepared to place my purse on his couch and sit down. Before I could sit down on that couch, I had an odd yet powerful experience. I "willed" myself to wake up. I literally woke myself up. As as I awoke I was saying no over and over. I loudly said "No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to go back to (his name) house. I don't want it anymore. I don't want to live that way anymore. I deserve a life. I deserve a good life."
I was startled by the eruption. I don't know why it happened. But I am glad that it did. Lying in my bed after that powerful burst, I felt a tremendous amount of energy flowing through my body. I had a strong feeling that I had somehow broken through a barrier that would allow me to begin the process of regaining control of my life with a greater confidence.
It was truly a WOW moment. I continue to take myself back to the feelings I had in that moment. The fear I felt with the thought of being with him again in his house. The control I knew I would give up being there...and my refusal to give over control of my life to him again.
What I know is that we are given what we need when we need it. We have only to be accepting of the gifts. I am so grateful that I am beginning to feel my heart open up again to a force I have not felt so deeply in a long time. I will continue to trust it and allow that ever-present love inside. The more love I allow in, the less space there is for the pain, the guilt, and the confusion.
I had a vivid dream the other night that I was lured back to my ex's house. I saw myself walking into the living room with him standing there as I prepared to place my purse on his couch and sit down. Before I could sit down on that couch, I had an odd yet powerful experience. I "willed" myself to wake up. I literally woke myself up. As as I awoke I was saying no over and over. I loudly said "No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to go back to (his name) house. I don't want it anymore. I don't want to live that way anymore. I deserve a life. I deserve a good life."
I was startled by the eruption. I don't know why it happened. But I am glad that it did. Lying in my bed after that powerful burst, I felt a tremendous amount of energy flowing through my body. I had a strong feeling that I had somehow broken through a barrier that would allow me to begin the process of regaining control of my life with a greater confidence.
It was truly a WOW moment. I continue to take myself back to the feelings I had in that moment. The fear I felt with the thought of being with him again in his house. The control I knew I would give up being there...and my refusal to give over control of my life to him again.
What I know is that we are given what we need when we need it. We have only to be accepting of the gifts. I am so grateful that I am beginning to feel my heart open up again to a force I have not felt so deeply in a long time. I will continue to trust it and allow that ever-present love inside. The more love I allow in, the less space there is for the pain, the guilt, and the confusion.
