Post by Susan Peabody on Jan 7, 2009 12:20:46 GMT -8
In 1982, despite all the pain I was in, I was afraid to change. I was terrified of the unknown. When my therapist asked what was holding me back from getting better, I said, “I’m afraid to get well. Mental health is unfamiliar. It’s a mystery that lies beyond a closed door and I have no peephole. That mystery feels like a beast ready to devour me if I open the door. What if getting better is worse than being sick? It can happen. Besides, I think I’ve bonded to my vision of myself as a victim. I prefer self-pity to self-esteem.”
This honest appraisal was the beginning of my own personal transformation, which has culminated in my ongoing recovery.
Only humans fear change. To every other life form it a natural process.
Post by LovingGracefully on Jan 9, 2009 7:38:06 GMT -8
Nickie...sorry but that was funny. You will fall in love with anyone who doesn't try to kill you? How did you become so choosy?
I get it though. I know the last guy really brought out some huge fears and although I HAD to endure the ending in a drawn out stage due to our situation I also was scared TO DEATH of what I was going to feel after is was really finished.
I think I would have stayed a lot longer had he not helped me make the choice to leave. I was in horrific shape but I was still "around" him. That counted for a lot. It wasn't over till it was over, you know? Because I was still in his presence I thought minds could change, love could resurrect, other people that were now in our lives would suddenly die a tragic, fiery death. All things were possible still. What a crock I told myself. All I was doing was adding more and more pain to deal with every single consecutive second I was there.
Change...it is scary unless you have the self esteem and self love that protects you from harming yourself in that emotional, abusive way.
Fear of the unknow I have that too. I myself dont like changes at all it is in my nature but accepting change is what I need to do. Or remain stuck . I can related Susan Peabody. It seems to me all of our lives stories have a similarity, because there is a theme in it all... the theme is that what we needed as children to grow into mature adults was not given to us. At least when I come here I know that I am not weird and that there others whose been through the same pain etc and worst and who understands what I write about whenever I write on the board. Good night to all.