Self-Help Books

No matter how much we move forward, there is always more work to do. Therefore, in this life, we must settle for progress or what I call living in the shadow of perfection. Let this be enough. Make peace with it if you are a perfectionist. After all, as long as we are imperfect we need God on our side, and he/she is wonderful company. Recovery is hard work. But we can do it. I hope your journey is both successful and worth all the effort. I know mine has been. I am not the person I was. I am not the person I am going to be and that is enough.

Please note: This list was compiled in the 1990's. Please add any books that you have found helpful recently.

Ackerman, Robert, and Susan Pickering. Abused No More: Recovery for Women in Abusive and/or Codependent Alcoholic Relationships. Blue Ridge Summit, PA: TAB Books, 1989.

Adams, Kenneth. Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners ─ Understanding Covert Incest. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, 1992.

Appleton, William. Fathers and Daughters. Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1981.

Ashner, Laurie. When Parents Love Too Much: What Happens When Parents Won't Let Go. New York, NY: Avon Books, 1991.

Aterburn, Stephen. Addicted to Love: Recovery from Unhealthy Dependency in Love, Romantic Relationships and Sex. Ann Arbor, MI: Servant Publications, 1991.

Bass, Ellen, and Laura Davis. The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Surviving Child Sexual Abuse. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1988.

Beattie, Melody. Codependent's Guide to the 12 Steps. New York, NY: Prentice Hall, 1990.

Beattie, Melody. Beyond Codependency and Getting Better All The Time. San Francisco, CA: Harper/Hazelden, 1989.

Beattie, Melody. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself. San Francisco, CA: Harper/Hazelden, 1987.

Berman, Steve. The Six Demons of Love: Men's Fears of Intimacy. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill, 1984.

Berne, Eric. Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships. New York, NY: Grove Press, 1964.

Bireda, Martha. Love Addiction: A Guide to Emotional Independence. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 1990.

Bloomfield, Harold, and Leonard Felder. Making Peace With Your Parents. New York, NY: Ballantine Books, 1985.

Bradshaw, John: Creating Love: The Next Great Stage in Growth. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 1992.

Bradshaw, John. Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 1990.

Bradshaw, John. Healing The Shame That Binds You. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc. 1988.

Bradshaw, John. Bradshaw On The Family. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc., 1988.

Branden, Nathaniel. How to Raise Your Self-Esteem. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 1987.

Branden, Nathaniel. The Psychology of Romantic Love: Why Love Is, Why Love Is Born, Why It Sometimes Grows, Why It Sometimes Dies. Los Angeles, CA: J.P. Tarcher, 1980.

Briggs, Dorothy. Celebrate Yourself: Enhancing Your Own Self-Esteem. Garden City, New York, NY: Doubleday, 1977.

Buges, Larry. Love and Renewal: A Couple's Guide to Commitment. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 1990.

Burns, David. Intimate Connection. New York, NY: William Morrow, 1985.

Burns, David. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. New York, NY: Morrow, 1980.

Butler, Pamela E. Talking To Yourself. San Francisco, CA: Harper and Row, 1983.

Carnes, Patrick. Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict. Minneapolis, Minnesota: CompCare Publishers, 1989.

Carnes, Patrick. Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Minneapolis: CompCare Publications, 1983.

Carter, Steven and Julia Sokul. Men Who Can't Love: When a Man's Fear Makes Him Run From Commitment and What a Smart Woman Can Do About It. New York, NY: M. Evans Co.; Berkeley Books, 1987.

Chopich, Erika and Margaret Paul. Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child. San Francisco, CA: Harper & Row, 1990.

Coates, Jennifer. Women, Men & Language. White Plains, NY: Longman, 1986.

Colgrove, Melba, Harold Bloomfield and Peter McWilliams. How to Survive the Loss of a Love. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 1976.

A Course in Miracles. Foundation For Inner Peace, 1975.

Covington, Stephanie. Leaving the Enchanted Forest: The Path From Relationship Addiction. San Francisco, CA: HarperSan Francisco, 1988.

Cowan, Connel, and Melvyn Kinder. Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Him Want to Commit. New York, NY: Clarkson N. Potter, Inc., 1988.

Cowan, Connel, and Melvyn Kinder. Smart Women, Foolish Choices: Finding the Right Man and Avoiding the Wrong Ones. New York, NY: Clarkson N. Potter, 1985.

Cruse, Joseph: Painful Affairs: Looking For Love Through Addiction and Codependency. New York, NY: Doubleday, 1989.

Davidson, Joy. The Agony of It All: The Drive For Drama and Excitement in Women's Lives. New York, NY: Jeremy P. Tarcher, Inc., 1988.

Davis, Laura. Allies in Healing. New York, NY: Harper Perennial, 1991.

DeAngelis, Barbara: Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know. New York, NY: Delacorte, 1990.

DeRoches, Brian. Reclaiming Your Self: The Codependent's Recovery Plan. New York, NY: Bantam Doubleday, 1990.

Diamond, Jed. Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addiction. New York, NY: Putman, 1988.

Diamond, Jed. Inside Out: Becoming My Own Man. San Rafael, CA: Fifth Wave Press, 1983.

Dobson, James. Love Must Be Tough. (Christian literature) Word Books, 1983.

Dowling, Colette. Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence. New York, NY: Summit Books, 1981.

E. Blume, Sue. Secret Survivors. New York, NY: Wiley Books, 1990.

Evans, Patricia. The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Hobrook, Massachusetts: Bob Adams, Inc. 1992.

Fedders, Charlotte & Laura Elliot. New York, NY: Dell Books, 1988.

Firestone, Robert W., The Fantasy Bond: Effects of Psychological Defenses on Interpersonal Relationships. New York, NY: Human Sciences Press, Inc., 1987.

Freedman, Rita. Beauty Bound. Lexington, Mass: Lexington Books, 1986.

Friedman, Sonya. Men Are Just Desserts. New York, NY: Warner Books, 1983.

Forward, Susan, and Craig Buck. Obsessive Love: When Passion Holds You Prisoner. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 1991.

Forward, Susan, and Crag Buck. Toxic Parents. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 1990.

Forward, Susan. Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 1986.

Forward, Susan, and Craig Buck. Betrayal of Innocence: Incest and Its Devastation. Los Angeles, CA: Jeremy P. Tarcher (distributaed by St. Martin's Press), 1978.

Giler, Janet, and Kathleen Neumeyer. Redefining Mr. Right. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 1992.

Gilett, Richard. Change Your Mind, Change Your World. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster, 1992.

Goldberg, Herb. The New Male Female Relationship. New York, NY: Morrow, 1983.

Gordon, Barbara. I'm Dancing As Fast As I Can. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1979.

Gorski, Terence T. The Players and Their Personalities: Understanding People Who Get Involved in Addictive Relationships. Independence, MO: Herald House, 1989.

Gray, John. Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus: A Practical Guide For Improving What You Want In Your Relationship. New York, NY: Harper Collins, 1992.

Gray, John. Men, Women and Relationships: Making Peace With the Opposite Sex. Hillsboro, Oregon: Beyond Words Publishing, 1990.

Grizzle, Ann. Mothers Who Love Too Much: Breaking Dependent Love Patterns in Family Relationships. Westminister, MD: Ivy Books, 1991.

Halpern, Howard. How to Break Your Addiction To a Person. New York, NY: McGraw Hill, 1982.

Halpern, Howard. Cutting Loose: An Adult Guide to Coming To Terms With Your Parents. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster, 1976.

Harris, Thomas. I'm O.K., You're O.K.: A Practical Guide to Transactional Analysis. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1969.

Hauck, Paul. Overcoming Frustration and Anger. Philadelphia, PA: Westminister Press, 1974.

Hendrix, Harville. Keeping the Love You Find. New York, NY: Pocket Books, Simon & Schuster, 1992.

Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide For Couples. New York, NY: Henry Holt & Company, 1988.

Hyde, Margaret. Sexual Abuse, Let's Talk About It. Philadelphia, PA: Westminister Press, 1984.

Imbach, Jeff: The Recovery of Love: Christian Mysticism and the Addictive Society. New York, NY: The Crossroad Publishing, 1991.

Jeffers, Susan. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. San Diego, CA: Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich, 1987.

Johnson, Robert. We: Understanding of the Psychology of Romantic Love. San Francisco, CA: Harper and Row, 1983.

Johnson, Spencer. One Minute For Myself. New York, NY: William Morrow & Co., Inc., 1985.

Kasl, Charlotte D. Women, Sex, and Addiction: The Search for Love and Power. San Francisco, CA: HarperSan Francisco, 1990.

Kennedy, Eugene. If You Really Knew Me Would You Still Like Me? Minneapolis, MN: CompCare, 1983.

Keyes, Ken. A Conscious Person's Guide to Relationships. St. Mary, Kentucky: Living Love Publishers (distributed by Devores), 1979.

Kid, Sue Monk. God's Joyful Surprise: Finding Yourself Loved. (Christian literature) San Francisco, CA: Harper & Row, 1987.

Kierkegaard, Soren. Works of Love, translated by Howard and Edna Hong. (Christian literature) New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1962.

Kiley, Dan. The Wendy Dilemma. New York, NY: Arbor House Publishers, 1984.

Kiley, Dan. The Peter Pan Syndrome. New York, NY: Dodd & Mead, Co., 1983.

Kingma, Daphne Rose. Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours. New York, NY: Fawcett Crest, Ballantine Books, 1987.

Kreisman, Jerold and Hal Straus, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality. Los Angeles, California: Price Stern Sloan, Inc., 1989.

Larsen, Earnie. Stage II Relationships: Love Beyond Addiction. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1987.

Lee, John H. I Don't Want To Be Alone: For Men and Women Who Want to Heal Addictive Relationships. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 1990.

Leman, Kevin. The Pleasers: Women Who Can't Say "No" and the Men Who Control Them. New York, NY: Dell Publishers, 1987.

Leonard, Linda. The Wounded Woman: Healing the Father-Daughter Relationship. Athens, Ohio: Swallow Press, 1982.

Lerner, H. The Dance of Intimacy. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1989.

Lerner, H. The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1985.

Lorrance, Laslow. Love Addict at Eighty-Four: Confessions of an Old Romantic. New York, NY: Vantage, 1991.

Love, Patricia. The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What To Do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life. Bantam Books, 1990.

Ma, Anne Katherine. Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin. 205 West Touhy, Park Ridge, Illinois 60068, 1991.

Marlin, Emily. Relationships in Recovery: Healing Strategies for Couples and Families. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1989.

May, Gerald, G. Addiction and Grace: Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions. San Francisco, CA: HarperSan Francisco, 1991.

McKay, Matthew, and Peter Rogers, Joan Blades, Richard Gosse. The Divorce Book. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 1984.

Mellody, Pia. Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love. San Francisco, CA: HarperSan Francisco, 1992.

Mellody, Pia. Breaking Free: A Workbook for Facing Codependence. San Francisco, CA: HarperSan Francisco, 1989.

Mellody, Pia. Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From and How It Sabotages Your Life. San Francisco, CA: HarperSan Francisco, 1989.

Miller, Alice. Drama of the Gifted Child. New York, NY: Basic Books, 1981.

Miller, Joy. My Holding You Up is Holding Me Back: Over Responsibility and Shame. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, 1991.

Miller, Joy. Addictive Relationships: Reclaiming Your Boundaries. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 1989.

Missildine, W. Hugh. Your Inner Child of the Past. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1963.

Moustakas, Clark. Portraits of Loneliness and Love: New York, NY: Prentice Hall, 1990.

Moustakas, Clark. Loneliness and Love: New York, NY: Prentice Hall, 1974.

Moustakas, Clark. Loneliness. New York, NY: Prentice Hall, 1961.

Nakken, Craig. The Addictive Personality: Roots, Rituals and Recovery. Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1988.
NiCarthy, Ginny. Getting Free: A Handbook for Women in Abusive Relationships. Seattle, Oregon: Seal Press, 1982.

Norwood, Robin. Letters From Women Who Love Too Much: A Closer Look at Relationship Addiction and Recovery. New York: NY Simon & Schuster, 1988.

Norwood, Robin. Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change. New York, NY: Pocket Books, 1985.

Oliver-Diaz, Philip, and Patricia A. O'Gorman. Twelve Steps to Self Parenting. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, 1988.

Paul, Jordan and Margaret Paul. From Conflict to Caring. Minneapolis, MN: CompCare Publishers, 1988.

Paul, Jordan, and Margaret Paul. Do I have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? Allen, Texas: Argus Communications, 1975.

Peabody, Susan. Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession in Relationships. Berkeley: Ten Speed Press, 1989, 1993.

Peabody, Susan. Recovery Workbook for Love Addicts and Love Avoidants, Richmond: Brighter Tomorrow Publishing, 1999.

Peabody, Susan. The Art of Changing: Your Path to a Better Life. Berkeley, Celestial Arts, 1993.

Peabody, Susan. Recovery from Love Addiction, Richmond: Brighter Tomorrow Publishing, 2023

Pearson, Carol. The Hero Within. San Francisco, CA: Harper and Row, 1986.

Peck, Scott. The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster, 1978.

Peele, Stanton. Love and Addiction. New York, NY: New American Library, 1975.

Person, Ethel, M. Dreams of Love & Fateful Encounters. (Mature love vs. romantic love) New York, NY: Viking-Penguin, 1989.

Peterson, Sylvia Ogden. From Love That Hurts to Love That's Real (recovery workbook). Park Ridge, Illinois Parkside Publishing Corporation, 1989.

Phelps, Janice Keller, and Alan E. Nourse. The Hidden Addictions and How To Get Free. New York, NY: Little, Brown, and Co, 1986.

Phillips, Debora with Robert Judd. How to Fall Out of Love. New York, NY: Warner Books, 1978.

Reynolds, David. Playing Ball on Running Water. New York, NY: William Morrow and Co., 1984.

Ricketson, Susan C. Dilemma of Love: Healing Codependent Relationships at Different Stages of Life. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 1990.

Rosselini, Gayle, and Mark Worden. Here Comes the Sun: Dealing With Depression. Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1987.

Rosselini, Gayle, and Mark Worden. Of Course You're Angry. Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1985.

Rubin, Lillian. Intimate Strangers. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1983.

Rubin, Theodore Isaac. The Angry Book. New York, NY: MacMillan, 1969.

Russianoff, Penelope. Why Do I Think I'm Nothing Without a Man. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 1982.

Sanford, Linda Tschirhart, and Mary Ellen Donovan. Women and Self-Esteem. New York, NY: Penguin Books, 1985.

Sandvig, Karen J. Growing Out of An Alcoholic Family: Overcoming Addictive Patterns in Alcoholic Family Relationships. Ventura, CA: Regal, 1990.

Schaef, Ann. Escape From Intimacy, Untangling the Love Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships. San Francisco, CA. Harper and Row, 1989.

Schaef, Ann. Co-Dependence: Misunderstood-Mistreated. Minneapolis, MN: Winston Press, 1986.

Scarf, Maggie. Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage. New York, NY: Random House, 1987.

Schaeffer, Brenda. Is It Love, Or Is It Addiction? Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1987.

Seabury, David. The Art of Selfishness. New York, NY: J. Messner, Inc. 1937.

Seixas, Judith and Geraldine Youcha. Children of Alcoholism: A Survivors Manual. New York, NY: Crown Publishers, 1985.

Shain, Merle. When Lovers Are Friends. Philadelphia, PA: Lippincott, 1978.

Sills, Judith. Excess Baggage: Getting Out of Your Own Way; Overcoming the Blind Spots That Make Your Life Harder Than It Has to Be. New York, NY: Viking Press, 1993.

Sills, Judith. A Fine Romance: The Passage of Courtship Meeting to Marriage. New York, NY: Ballantine Books, 1987.

Sills, Judith. How to Stop Looking For Someone Perfect and Find Someone to Love. New York, NY: Ballatine Books, 1984.

Smedes, James B. Forgiving and Forgetting. San Francisco, CA: Harper and Row, 1984.

Smith, Manuel. When I Say No I Feel Guilty. Los Angeles, CA: Pacifica Foundation, 1975.

Somers, Suzanne. Keeping Secrets. New York, NY: Warner Books, 1988.

Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: Morrow, 1990.

Tannen, Deborah. That's Not What I Mean: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks a Relationship. New York, NY: Ballantine Books, 1986.

Taylor, Cathryn. The Inner Child Workbook: What to Do With Your Past When it Won't Go Away. Los Angeles, CA: Jeremy P. Tarcher, Perigee Books, 1991.

Walker, Lenore. The Battered Woman. New York, NY: Harper and Row, 1979.

Wakerman, Elyce. Father Loss: Daughters Discuss The Man That Got Away. Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1984.

Wegscheider-Cruse, Sharon. Coupleship: How to Build a Relationship. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, 1988.

Wegscheider-Cruse, Sharon. Learning to Love Yourself. Deerfield Beach, Flordia: Health Communications, Inc., 1987.

Wegscheider-Cruse, Sharon. Choicemaking for Co-dependents, Adult Children, and Spirituality Seekers. Pompano Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc., 1985.

Weinhold, Barry. Breaking Free of Addictive Family Relationships. Dallas, TX: Stillpoint, 1991.

Welwood, John. Journey of the Heart: Intimate Relationships and the Path of Love. New York, NY: Harper Perennial, 1991.

Welwood, John. Challenge of the Heart: Love, Sex, & Intimacy In Changing Times. Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications; New York, NY: Distributed in U.S. by Random House, 1985.

Whitfield, Charles. Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery For Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families. Pompano Beach, Florida: Health Communications, 1987.

Wholey, Dennis. Becoming Your Own Parent. New York, NY: Doubleday, 1988.

Woititz, Janet. Struggle For Intimacy. Pompano Beach, Florida: Health Communications, 1985.

Woititz, Janet. Adult Children of Alcoholics. Pompano Beach, Florida: Health Communications, 1983.

Womack, William. The Marriage Bed: Renewing Love, Friendship, Trust, and Romance. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 1991.

Wood, Barbara. Children of Alcoholism: The Struggle For Self and Intimacy in Adult Life.

Wright, H. Norman. Making Peace With the Past. (Christian literature) Old Tappan, New Jersey: H. Revell Co., 1985.
Zerof, Herbert. Finding Intimacy: The Art of Happiness In Living Together. New York, NY: Random House, 1978.