Post by lover on Feb 4, 2009 8:15:32 GMT -8
Reflections of our Greatest Act of Compassion
"Show to me the stone which the builders have rejected. That one is the cornerstone." - the Gospel of Thomas
In the late 1980s, my office was in a huge multistory building in the foothills of Denver. Although the building was enormous, the end of the Cold War and cutbacks in government spending made it necessary for the company where I worked to "downsize" and consolidate. As other divisions of the company moved into our facility, space was at a premium. I shared my office with another employee, a woman performing a function very different from mine within the department. There was no competition or shared responsibilities and we quickly became good friends, exchanging stories of our family weekends, friends, and the joys and sorrows of life outside the company.
One day, we'd just returned from lunch when she retrieved the messages that had come in on her voice mail while we were gone. From the corner of my eye, I saw her become very still and then sit down with a glazed look in her eyes. Her face turned pasty white except for the makeup on her lips and cheeks. After she hung up the phone, I gave her a moment to compose herself, then asked what had happened. She looked at me and began a story that I found sad and at the same time powerful.
A good friend of hers had a young daughter with a much envied combination of beauty, athletic skills, and artistic talents, each of which she'd cultivated since early childhood. As the girl got older, she searched for a way to combine all of her attributes into a single career and chose to be a fashion model. Her family supported her decision and helped her in whatever way they could to fulfill her dream. As she shopped her portfolio to the ad agencies, she found that many responded with enthusiasm. She had offers of travel, education, and more support than she could have imagined. To everyone looking in from the outside, her life couldn't have seemed better.
On a subtle, almost imperceptible level, however, those who really knew her could see that something was changing. Her enthusiasm was giving way to concern. The agencies she was working with were searching for a certain kind of look in the women they would promote. While this young girl certainly had a unique beauty, it wasn't quite what the agencies wanted in the late 80's. Haunted by what it took to get that special something, the young girl asked her family to help her with a series of cosmetic procedures that she felt would mold her body into what the industry was searching for.
She began with the most obvious enhancements, nips, and tucks. While bringing her closer to her goal, she still didn't have quite the "look" and began even more extreme procedures. Since childhood she'd always had a slight overbite, with her chin and jaw recessed slightly. She agreed to a restructuring that involved breaking and resetting her jaw to create better symmetry. Her mouth had been wired shut for about six weeks while the bones healed, and she'd eaten only liquids during that time. Afterward, the wires were removed, and she did have a beautifully symmetrical face with accentuated cheekbones, and the overbite was gone. Looking at a photograph that my office mate had of her friend's daughter, I personally could see little difference between the before-and after surgery images.
Having lost weight from weeks of being on a liquid diet, this beautiful young woman began to notice that her body no longer had the V shape that it had before the surgery. The reality was that due to her weight loss, her upper body had lost the muscle tone that had given her the "model" proportions. Her perception, however, was that there was a problem that could be surgically remedied, and she underwent a procedure to remove her lower "floating" ribs in order to acquire greater definition and proportion.
The stress from all of her procedures put her body into a tailspin. She discovered that she could no longer control the addition or loss of a pound here and there. Her body was in a "lose-weight" mode and she was losing on a daily basis. By the time her parents recognized what was happening and hospitalized her, it was too late: Attributed to a series of complications rather than any one thing, my office mate's friend had passed away that morning. That was the phone message she received after lunch.
You may know people on a similar path, although hopefully a less extreme one. I use this example to emphasize a point. The young woman in this story had an image of perfection in her mind's eye and that image became her standard of comparison. She constantly held herself in the shadow of that point of reference, using her mental image as the measure of comparison for her physical appearance. Her beliefs said that she was somehow imperfect the way she was, and that her "imperfections" could be fixed through the miracle of modern technology. What happened to this woman, however, runs much deeper than the procedures used to fix her perceived flaws - it goes directly to the heart of this mirror.
Why did the woman feel that such extremes were necessary for her success? Why did her family and friends support her in her drive for perfection? Why did this young person, already beautiful in her own right, feel so compelled to become something other than who she was from the time of her birth? What fear (or fears) became so powerful in her life that she tried to change her appearance to meet the approval of others? Perhaps an even greater question is" What can we learn from her experience? What do we use as our yardstick of comparison? What is the point of reference that we hold ourselves accountable to as we gauge our own successes and failures in life?
THE 'IMPERFECTIONS' ARE THE PERFECTION
I often share this story in my workshops. Immediately afterward, I'll ask participants to complete a simple chart, where they evaluate themselves in areas such as educational, romantic, professional, and athletic accomplishments. The rating system is made up of four categories that range from "really good" to "really bad." The key here is that I give them very little time to complete the forms. And I do this for a reason: The actual response on paper is less important than the thinking that goes into it.
Whatever the answers, the reality is that anything less than perfect is a participant judging him - or herself. The only way that people can possibly rate themselves as a success or failure is by comparison to something outside their experience. As we all know, we are our own toughest critics. For this reason, this mirror is known as our greatest act of compassion. It's about compassion for ourselves -what we are and who we've become.
It's through the mirror of ourselves that we're asked to allow compassionately for the perfection that already exists in each moment of life. This is true regardless of how others see that moment or how it actually turns out. Until we attach a significance of our own making to the outcome, each experience is simply an opportunity to express ourselves...nothing more and nothing less.
How would your life be different if you allowed everything you do to be perfect just the way it is, regardless of how it turns out? If everything we do and create is done to the best of our ability, then until we compare it to something else, how can it be anything less than great? If a professional project, relationship, or school assignment doesn't turn out the way that was expected, we can always learn from our experiences and do things differently the next time around. In the Divine Matrix, it's the way we feel about ourselves -our performance, appearance, and achievements that's mirrored back to us as the reality of our world. With this in mind, the deepest healing of our lives may also become our greatest act of compassion. It's the kindness that we give ourselves.
Beyond The Mirrors
While there are certainly other mirrors that show us even subtler secrets of our truest nature, the ones that I've offered here are the five mirrors that allow our greatest healing in the relationships of life. In the process, we find our truest power as creators in the Divine Matrix. Each mirror is a stepping-stone toward a greater level of personal mastery. Once you know about them, you can't "un-know" them. Once you see them play out in your life, you can't "un-see" them. Each time you recognize one of the mirrors in a particular place in your life, there's a good possibility that you'll find the same pattern playing out in other areas as well.
Not long ago, I met a friend who'd just given up a career, family, friends and a relationship in another state to move to the wilderness of northern New Mexico. I asked him why he had left so much behind to live in the isolation of the high desert. He began telling me that he'd come to find his "spiritual path." In the same breath, however, he told me that he hadn't been able to get started because nothing was going right. He was having problems with his family, business plans, and even the contractors who were building his new "spiritual" home. His frustration was obvious. Listening to his story, I offered the one insight that I felt might help.
From my perspective, we're incapable of anything other than a spiritual life. To put it another way, as beings of spirit, we're capable only of spiritual experiences. Regardless of what life may look like, I believe that each endeavor and all our paths are leading us to the same place. From that belief, the activities of every day can't be separate from our spiritual evolution - they are our spiritual evolution!
I turned to my friend and suggested that just perhaps all of the challenges that were in his life at the moment were his spiritual path. While this was obviously not the answer that he'd expected, he was curious about what I meant. He had an idea that his spirituality would be realized by living in solitude and quiet contemplation each day.
I clarified my beliefs, suggested that although all these things may become part of his life, the way he would resolve each of the challenges facing him could be precisely the path that he'd come to explore. Glancing back at me with a surprised look on his face as we said our good-byes, he simply replied, "Maybe it is!"
"Show to me the stone which the builders have rejected. That one is the cornerstone." - the Gospel of Thomas
In the late 1980s, my office was in a huge multistory building in the foothills of Denver. Although the building was enormous, the end of the Cold War and cutbacks in government spending made it necessary for the company where I worked to "downsize" and consolidate. As other divisions of the company moved into our facility, space was at a premium. I shared my office with another employee, a woman performing a function very different from mine within the department. There was no competition or shared responsibilities and we quickly became good friends, exchanging stories of our family weekends, friends, and the joys and sorrows of life outside the company.
One day, we'd just returned from lunch when she retrieved the messages that had come in on her voice mail while we were gone. From the corner of my eye, I saw her become very still and then sit down with a glazed look in her eyes. Her face turned pasty white except for the makeup on her lips and cheeks. After she hung up the phone, I gave her a moment to compose herself, then asked what had happened. She looked at me and began a story that I found sad and at the same time powerful.
A good friend of hers had a young daughter with a much envied combination of beauty, athletic skills, and artistic talents, each of which she'd cultivated since early childhood. As the girl got older, she searched for a way to combine all of her attributes into a single career and chose to be a fashion model. Her family supported her decision and helped her in whatever way they could to fulfill her dream. As she shopped her portfolio to the ad agencies, she found that many responded with enthusiasm. She had offers of travel, education, and more support than she could have imagined. To everyone looking in from the outside, her life couldn't have seemed better.
On a subtle, almost imperceptible level, however, those who really knew her could see that something was changing. Her enthusiasm was giving way to concern. The agencies she was working with were searching for a certain kind of look in the women they would promote. While this young girl certainly had a unique beauty, it wasn't quite what the agencies wanted in the late 80's. Haunted by what it took to get that special something, the young girl asked her family to help her with a series of cosmetic procedures that she felt would mold her body into what the industry was searching for.
She began with the most obvious enhancements, nips, and tucks. While bringing her closer to her goal, she still didn't have quite the "look" and began even more extreme procedures. Since childhood she'd always had a slight overbite, with her chin and jaw recessed slightly. She agreed to a restructuring that involved breaking and resetting her jaw to create better symmetry. Her mouth had been wired shut for about six weeks while the bones healed, and she'd eaten only liquids during that time. Afterward, the wires were removed, and she did have a beautifully symmetrical face with accentuated cheekbones, and the overbite was gone. Looking at a photograph that my office mate had of her friend's daughter, I personally could see little difference between the before-and after surgery images.
Having lost weight from weeks of being on a liquid diet, this beautiful young woman began to notice that her body no longer had the V shape that it had before the surgery. The reality was that due to her weight loss, her upper body had lost the muscle tone that had given her the "model" proportions. Her perception, however, was that there was a problem that could be surgically remedied, and she underwent a procedure to remove her lower "floating" ribs in order to acquire greater definition and proportion.
The stress from all of her procedures put her body into a tailspin. She discovered that she could no longer control the addition or loss of a pound here and there. Her body was in a "lose-weight" mode and she was losing on a daily basis. By the time her parents recognized what was happening and hospitalized her, it was too late: Attributed to a series of complications rather than any one thing, my office mate's friend had passed away that morning. That was the phone message she received after lunch.
You may know people on a similar path, although hopefully a less extreme one. I use this example to emphasize a point. The young woman in this story had an image of perfection in her mind's eye and that image became her standard of comparison. She constantly held herself in the shadow of that point of reference, using her mental image as the measure of comparison for her physical appearance. Her beliefs said that she was somehow imperfect the way she was, and that her "imperfections" could be fixed through the miracle of modern technology. What happened to this woman, however, runs much deeper than the procedures used to fix her perceived flaws - it goes directly to the heart of this mirror.
Why did the woman feel that such extremes were necessary for her success? Why did her family and friends support her in her drive for perfection? Why did this young person, already beautiful in her own right, feel so compelled to become something other than who she was from the time of her birth? What fear (or fears) became so powerful in her life that she tried to change her appearance to meet the approval of others? Perhaps an even greater question is" What can we learn from her experience? What do we use as our yardstick of comparison? What is the point of reference that we hold ourselves accountable to as we gauge our own successes and failures in life?
THE 'IMPERFECTIONS' ARE THE PERFECTION
I often share this story in my workshops. Immediately afterward, I'll ask participants to complete a simple chart, where they evaluate themselves in areas such as educational, romantic, professional, and athletic accomplishments. The rating system is made up of four categories that range from "really good" to "really bad." The key here is that I give them very little time to complete the forms. And I do this for a reason: The actual response on paper is less important than the thinking that goes into it.
Whatever the answers, the reality is that anything less than perfect is a participant judging him - or herself. The only way that people can possibly rate themselves as a success or failure is by comparison to something outside their experience. As we all know, we are our own toughest critics. For this reason, this mirror is known as our greatest act of compassion. It's about compassion for ourselves -what we are and who we've become.
It's through the mirror of ourselves that we're asked to allow compassionately for the perfection that already exists in each moment of life. This is true regardless of how others see that moment or how it actually turns out. Until we attach a significance of our own making to the outcome, each experience is simply an opportunity to express ourselves...nothing more and nothing less.
How would your life be different if you allowed everything you do to be perfect just the way it is, regardless of how it turns out? If everything we do and create is done to the best of our ability, then until we compare it to something else, how can it be anything less than great? If a professional project, relationship, or school assignment doesn't turn out the way that was expected, we can always learn from our experiences and do things differently the next time around. In the Divine Matrix, it's the way we feel about ourselves -our performance, appearance, and achievements that's mirrored back to us as the reality of our world. With this in mind, the deepest healing of our lives may also become our greatest act of compassion. It's the kindness that we give ourselves.
Beyond The Mirrors
While there are certainly other mirrors that show us even subtler secrets of our truest nature, the ones that I've offered here are the five mirrors that allow our greatest healing in the relationships of life. In the process, we find our truest power as creators in the Divine Matrix. Each mirror is a stepping-stone toward a greater level of personal mastery. Once you know about them, you can't "un-know" them. Once you see them play out in your life, you can't "un-see" them. Each time you recognize one of the mirrors in a particular place in your life, there's a good possibility that you'll find the same pattern playing out in other areas as well.
Not long ago, I met a friend who'd just given up a career, family, friends and a relationship in another state to move to the wilderness of northern New Mexico. I asked him why he had left so much behind to live in the isolation of the high desert. He began telling me that he'd come to find his "spiritual path." In the same breath, however, he told me that he hadn't been able to get started because nothing was going right. He was having problems with his family, business plans, and even the contractors who were building his new "spiritual" home. His frustration was obvious. Listening to his story, I offered the one insight that I felt might help.
From my perspective, we're incapable of anything other than a spiritual life. To put it another way, as beings of spirit, we're capable only of spiritual experiences. Regardless of what life may look like, I believe that each endeavor and all our paths are leading us to the same place. From that belief, the activities of every day can't be separate from our spiritual evolution - they are our spiritual evolution!
I turned to my friend and suggested that just perhaps all of the challenges that were in his life at the moment were his spiritual path. While this was obviously not the answer that he'd expected, he was curious about what I meant. He had an idea that his spirituality would be realized by living in solitude and quiet contemplation each day.
I clarified my beliefs, suggested that although all these things may become part of his life, the way he would resolve each of the challenges facing him could be precisely the path that he'd come to explore. Glancing back at me with a surprised look on his face as we said our good-byes, he simply replied, "Maybe it is!"