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Post by Susan Peabody on Feb 19, 2009 11:39:54 GMT -8
As well as finding themselves unloved, many children are also neglected, abandoned, and sometimes abused. This causes children to unconsciously assume that something is wrong with them. They don’t want to believe that the adults around them are bad--this would be too frightening--so they conclude that they themselves are bad or flawed. If they believe they are flawed, then they assume they are worthless. If they believe they are worthless, then they feel unworthy of love. The end result of this unconscious chain of logic is low self-esteem. [/color]
[Sometimes the disconnect with the primary caretaker can be as subtle as lack of eye contact or an expression of sadness. I call this chain of logic, "Mom sad; me bad.]
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Post by LovingGracefully on Feb 19, 2009 23:17:33 GMT -8
I'm so curious about this and have also asked my therapist about it...maybe you're in the position to offer some light on this for me?
When I was 7...I was with a neighbor boy a few houses down and saw my dad drive away. He didn't come back...moved out of the country. I was pretty angry he didn't tell us he was leaving. They divorced...that same year (or so) My beautiful mother met a monster of a man and married him pretty quickly. I did not like him from the moment we met. I was young but I knew he was "tricky" or "lying" or I don't know really...he just evoked something mistrustful inside of me.
From about 9 or 10 he physically abused me for the next 8 years...pretty badly. Lots of bruises etc...but I remember thinking that it wasn't my fault and that he was just a bad man. I was angry that my mom didn't leave him but I thought as soon as I can I'm leaving this situation. I did. I never thought I had issues from this young life. I thought I was always conscious that it wasn't my fault.
I remember thinking that I'm better than this and I'm going to get out. I had lots of friends and the rest of the world seemed to like me just fine.
Do you think that I did internalize this more than I was aware?
I mean the story goes on and on but just in reading what I've shared with you do you think it's possible that I was aware that this was wrong and that I wasn't this bad kid? I have always felt "proud" that I didn't let "this" get to me. Am I kidding myself? Would there be any way a child of 10 would be able to separate themselves from this in a logical manner like I thought I had?
I'd love to hear your opinion. This has been really bothering me thinking of this lately. I guess it has really been bothering me this entire last year. I'm questioning everything I've known to be true.
LovingGracefully
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Chrissy
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Post by Chrissy on Feb 25, 2009 8:55:38 GMT -8
Oh LG I so understand this..I grew up in a household of abuse..physical mental and sexual.. I alwayss minimized it...allowed myself to think that I was ok..
Only recently I see how this has impacted me..
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Post by Susan Peabody on Feb 27, 2009 15:03:01 GMT -8
Yes! Because of the nature of the subconscious, many feelings and thoughts that we cannot bear remain hidden in the part of the brain we call the amygdala. This is the whole point of therapy to explore the unknown parts of our subconscious to see what has been hidden from us. Psychodynamics is the kind of therapy that does this.
I was in so much denial when I started therapy. My therapist asked me some probing questions and I yelled at her. But I went to talk to my mother and everything the therapist suspected was true.
You know a tree by its fruit. If you are a love addict something went wrong.
It is rare for a child to consciously know they are not at fault. Congratulations. But what about your inner child. What does she have to say?
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Post by CareBear on Mar 23, 2009 3:19:20 GMT -8
I have this same problem. My parents drank when I was a child and I somehow believed that I was coping and that I was aware it wasn't my fault they did this and that I am much better than this and that when I have a family of my own,I will never be this way to my kids. I never thought I was the reason for their drinking,but now I am begining to question if I was really aware of this or was it just a way to make myself feel ok, as my therapist last year helped me reveal that I have attachment issues which are a result of my childhood and my parents issues ( which i thought i had under control). I was never aware that the childood experiences that we thought we had under some sort of control or which we thought we understood and didn't allow to make us feel responsible could come back and impact our future.
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Post by primrose on Feb 14, 2010 11:38:56 GMT -8
You know a tree by its fruit. I like that. P.
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Post by primrose on Feb 14, 2010 12:37:36 GMT -8
Wow greta, love that bit at the end, thanks! P.
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Post by Arthur. on Feb 14, 2010 13:31:51 GMT -8
Jeremiah 17: 5 - 8
Thanks Greta, glad you looked that one up.
Arthur.
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Post by nolove4me on Mar 27, 2010 19:13:36 GMT -8
This really has impact on me tonight as I have not only been working on my recovery but as part of it I am working on issues from my childhood. This hit a nerve for me because at the age of 12 I was molested in an elevator by a stranger. My mother asked me afterward if I needed to speak with a counselor or talk with anyone. She was concerned I will say for her but at the time I said no and felt "fine." I've never believed it had an impact on me or my addiction as I felt like I pretty much got over it very quickly. Now I sit here and wonder did it somehow impact me that I am not aware of? How does one know? Not one of my counselors/therapists has ever suggested Psychodynamics.
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