Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2009 1:24:50 GMT -8
I read somewhere recently that one way to fight the victim mentality is to work on self estemm. Does anyone knows how this is supposed to work? Are there other tools against the victim mentality? I seem to get stuck on depression, placing myself in a helpless stance and situations (victim), and I repeat this pattern. Thi crisis with the poa brought this same dynamic to the surface but tenfold. I realized I fall back on this pattern all my life. I was bullied throughout my school years and this seems to be where it started. If i've felt like a victim most of my life, is change possible? I do not want to be like this, but in recent years, even with therapy, I still feel powerless many times, which overwhelms me and prevents me from changing. It keeps me in place, and I believe it also helps in me not moving on from my POA  thank you in advance for your insight. |
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 13, 2009 16:16:36 GMT -8
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Post by dawnbelieves on May 14, 2009 7:13:19 GMT -8
Have you started working on the steps? Read as much as you can and try to think about the good things about you. Everyday think of a new reason to love yourself. You can always find good in yourself if you really look. Be Blessed, ~Dawn~
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carrie
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Post by carrie on May 17, 2009 3:09:27 GMT -8
euroinsf - I was bullied too.. I totally understand where you are coming from.
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Post by Judy on May 17, 2009 4:44:34 GMT -8
Hi euro. I have had the same problem my whole life. I realized my victim MO a couple of years ago. I have been working on it. Yes, it is a daily challenge. Because of my upbringing I think I am now actually hard-wired into that victim mentality.
For me the recovery is one day, one situation, at a time. First, I know that I am responsible for myself - my well being, my happiness, my life. I can ask for help from good friends and a support system but in the end it is up to me.
When I find myself complaining about something I say to myself "Well, what can you do about it. You get to complain a few times, then you have to do something about it or stop complaining."
I try not to panic. When something upsets me I try to stay centered and ask myself "what can I do here". I "talk myself down". I guess you'd say I "parent" myself. I tell myself "everything is OK. everything is going to be OK".
I stand up for myself. This is difficult because I HATE peoples disapproval. I have TERROR at the thought that someone will be angry with me because I am stating a need or a desire. But I do it anyway. If someone is going to disapprove or be angry I practice live and let live. They can be anything they want. It's none of my business. My business is to take care of myself.
These are just some of the things I try to practice. It's tough, I know, after a life time of acting the victim.
As far as my love addiction goes, it is VERY important for me NOT to play the victim under any circumstances. I must stay centered and true to myself as best I can. This is a real challenge to me. But worth it.
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dearprudence
New Member
The sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you.
Posts: 35
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Post by dearprudence on May 20, 2009 18:20:25 GMT -8
Hi euro. I have had the same problem my whole life. I realized my victim MO a couple of years ago. I have been working on it. Yes, it is a daily challenge. Because of my upbringing I think I am now actually hard-wired into that victim mentality. For me the recovery is one day, one situation, at a time. First, I know that I am responsible for myself - my well being, my happiness, my life. I can ask for help from good friends and a support system but in the end it is up to me. When I find myself complaining about something I say to myself "Well, what can you do about it. You get to complain a few times, then you have to do something about it or stop complaining." I try not to panic. When something upsets me I try to stay centered and ask myself "what can I do here". I "talk myself down". I guess you'd say I "parent" myself. I tell myself "everything is OK. everything is going to be OK". I stand up for myself. This is difficult because I HATE peoples disapproval. I have TERROR at the thought that someone will be angry with me because I am stating a need or a desire. But I do it anyway. If someone is going to disapprove or be angry I practice live and let live. They can be anything they want. It's none of my business. My business is to take care of myself. These are just some of the things I try to practice. It's tough, I know, after a life time of acting the victim. As far as my love addiction goes, it is VERY important for me NOT to play the victim under any circumstances. I must stay centered and true to myself as best I can. This is a real challenge to me. But worth it. This very very true, Judy. Well said! I feel the same about people's disapproval, but I know I got to put myself first if I'm going to get through this struggle.  |
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dearprudence
New Member
The sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you.
Posts: 35
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Post by dearprudence on May 20, 2009 18:25:43 GMT -8
I read somewhere recently that one way to fight the victim mentality is to work on self estemm. Does anyone knows how this is supposed to work? Are there other tools against the victim mentality? I seem to get stuck on depression, placing myself in a helpless stance and situations (victim), and I repeat this pattern. Thi crisis with the poa brought this same dynamic to the surface but tenfold. I realized I fall back on this pattern all my life. I was bullied throughout my school years and this seems to be where it started. If i've felt like a victim most of my life, is change possible? I do not want to be like this, but in recent years, even with therapy, I still feel powerless many times, which overwhelms me and prevents me from changing. It keeps me in place, and I believe it also helps in me not moving on from my POA thank you in advance for your insight. I was bullied too, and made fun of a lot for being different and unique. It's a fun thing actually, when I asked my POA (our last ever conversation) what he liked about me when he did like me...he said it was my "uniqueness". It hurts me so much though, that he doesn't like me anymore. It's such a painful thought that I have gotten to the point where sometimes I feel like crying, but tears can't come out.  I also highly feel that I get pinged by him, and I am a victim of his narcissistic behavior. I let him win, and it disappoints me that I do. I can't help it. I also need to stop this victim mentality. I think I mostly get it from when my dad verbally abused me as a child. I'm kinda glad he divorced my mom, but it sucks how now I know how my mom really felt when he left. I feel the same about my POA. Like how can we love guys who are so bad for us even through all the bad things that happened? It makes me sad. |
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