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Post by gretchen7883 on Jun 13, 2009 17:56:26 GMT -8
When I was about 12 or 13, my step-father of 10 years began sexually molesting me. He would come into my room in the middle of the night and do things to me, also make me do things to him. Every time it happened I would pretend I was asleep, although I'm not sure why I didn't stop him and say, "hey, what do you think you're doing?" So this went on every night for the next few years. I didn't want to tell my mom because I didn't want to upset her happy life by letting her know her husband was a monster. But soon I felt like I had to tell someone so I told my best friend, who then told her mother. Her mother told me that I had to tell my mom for my own saftey and that if I didn't, she would. So I sat my mom down and gave her the news that I was sure was going to rip her world apart. Instead to my complete shock, she became furious with me and said "I don't believe you. How dare you lie about my husband." In the meantime, my friend's mother had told my school counsellor who called me in to talk to her about it. When my mom found out that I had been telling other people, she forced me to go to those people and tell them that I had lied to them about everything I accused my step-father of doing. That was traumatic because everyone knew something was off when I told them I had lied, but there was nothing they could do at that point.
In the following years of my life, I came to forgive my step-father. But I still hold a lot of anger towards my mother for not believing me and choosing him over me. In the last year, I tried to bring it up to her again, but she became so mad that she moved away and changed her phone number and told me that I was not her daughter anymore, and to never contact her again. I have no idea where she is now.
I currently have an addiction to my relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years. I am just learning that this childhood experience is the root of my present need for affection and love from my boyfriend (who does not give it). I know I have to deal with the feelings I have about my childhood before I can start recovering. But how do I deal with it? I don't know what to do about these feelings of resentment and anger I have toward my mom, especially because it remains unresolved since I can't get a hold of her. I am depressed because I feel like I am grieving the death of my mother, even though she is still alive and I am still so angry with her. How do I move forward? How do I resolve this?
Also, this is the first time ever I have talked about my childhood trauma with another human. I always felt that since I had forgiven my step-father, that it would not affect me later in life (which all along it has without me knowing it!) Should I be talking to a therapist about it? Is there more delving I should do?
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Post by judy on Jun 13, 2009 18:50:49 GMT -8
Gretchen, I do not have the same experience as you but I would say YESSSS!!! seek a therapist. One who is experienced in dealing with sexual abuse.
That was enormous trauma. There are others on this site who have experienced sexual abuse. I hope and trust they will post how they cope and recover.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 14, 2009 13:04:31 GMT -8
When my daughter told me she had been raped and molested by her uncle I did not hesitate to believe her and put him in jail. We asked my sister to leave him for the sake of the family and she did. But I wonder if the wounds ever heal.
The Courage to Heal is the best book on this subject.
Thanks for posting Gretchen! Love your inner child. Do for yourself what your mom could not do for you.
Until you find a therapist visit the "emotions" and "inner child corner."laarecovery.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=loveemotionslaarecovery.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=child
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jenniferg
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
Posts: 113
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Post by jenniferg on Jun 18, 2009 15:30:52 GMT -8
I was molested by my older brother for years, into my teenage years, until I told my father and he announced at the dinner table that it had to stop. I was so ashamed.
I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother since I was a tot and my father worked so much, he stayed away and didn't help me. He helped me for a few months after my mother broke my jaw, but then he had me apologize to her (?) so that we could move back into the house. I was about 16 years old. I moved out a few months later.
I was raped for over a week in the mountains of Maine on a trip to get away from family, drugs and alcohol. I was seventeen. I faked an accident and an ambulance came about 150 miles to get me. I didn't talk about it for about 5 years. My mother committed suicide a few months after the rape.
My relationships to follow were with alcoholics, and one was battering relationship. I got in and out in a year. But I did live in a shelter for about 3 months. I learned the battering cycle and finally got the strength to leave. It sort of feels like this separation I am doing now with No Contact. That was about 30 years ago!
I finally got sober at age 24 and my life got on track.
I was married for 15 years to a man who kept raising the bar and wanting me to jump over it. The last bar was over religion, and I just couldn't go to the extreme that he wanted. Plus I didn't want to give up my livelihood for him.
My last relationship of 9 years was much better than the ones before it. But he would get close and back off over and over. Finally he started sinking and nothing I did could stop it.
God has a plan for him and I had to step out of the way, that's the best I can explain it. God has a plan for me too, and I need to heal so that I can be ready for his gifts.
I'd say that I have had my share of mental, emotional and sexual abuse.
I've been in therapy for years and now I am finally seeing how the abuse affected my choices in men.
It's been a long road.
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Post by daydreamer2740 on Aug 31, 2011 16:25:51 GMT -8
gretchen7883:I am new here and my story is your story. The only difference is my mom an I are talking but we have argued over this and not talked for years at a time. Right now we have this super unhealthy relationship based on avoidance. Most of the time I do not answer her calls and when I see her I feel the distance of a stranger but this is because I can't hit the first step of repairing our relationship of being able to talk with her about it. This whole new experience has been so much pain but I know it is healthy.
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Post by veronica on Aug 31, 2011 20:26:48 GMT -8
Gretchen, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. As you can see there are others who have had similar experiences and when we find each other there is hope and strength. You didn't do anything to bring on the shame of that experience. Your parents failed you. As an adult you are not failing yourself, you are changing the family dynamic. It's an angel's work transforming the dtoxic we've inherited! Please seek out a trustworthy therapist and sponsor in your area if you can. Opening up yourself like this is a very profound act. You need a lot of nurturing and protection and support right now. Get it every way you can. Look around you to make sure you're caring for yourself. Safe neighborhood? No friends or acquaintances that kind of creep you out sexually? Taking care of the car maintenance and your getting regular health and dental check ups? Getting enough sleep and exercise? Sounds silly maybe but self-care is such a huge part of recovery. So I always ask about the basics  Welcome! |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 9, 2014 13:24:03 GMT -8
i have simialr story, feel very sad about this, my neighber touched me, and let me touched his private part. I told my mom, she told my aunt and laughed " why she attacted this always?" my mom is very narssarsic, very sick.. feel very sad now , my life is totally destroyed.. My daughter was five when she got raped. It continued, by her uncle, until she was 13. The penetration broke down the muscles in her cervix and she could not hold her first baby inside. We lost Jasmyne. I found out when another family member came forward. He went to jail for awhile. I asked my daughter why she did not tell me and she said she did not want to upset the family because everyone love "Uncle Sam." Where was I? This happened when I sent Kathy to spend summers with my sister. I did not have a clue. I get angry at my sister for not noticing the signs. But my daughter did not let this destroy her life. She was the loveliest child and adult I ever knew. She persevered. I lost her a few years ago and 800 people came to her funeral. Our lives are destroyed only if we let it be. No offense intended. I just want to encourage you to move on. |
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