Post by unabella on Jul 18, 2009 12:02:55 GMT -8
My therapist is helping me bring the focus back to me and unplug from the situation. We did an exercise that I think is similar to some of the inner child work discussed on this forum. I think mine is 16 or 17, and she is feisty and carefree. She's also impulsive and she's quick to anger. I need to explore this more, but it is really strange how this aspect of myself has been buried for so long.
The relationship I recently ended has opened the floodgates on a lot of past hurt I've experienced and anger I've buried about never having the space or freedom to be my authentic self and repressing the things about me that are most valuable to fit an identity other people (parents, extended family, toxic friends) have put on me. Or just wanting my father to have a reaction to my life whether it's my pain or my triumphs. Wanting my father to stand up for me and protect me when my mom was so emotionally abusive to me. Or wanting my mother to back the f off from my life and stop treating me as an extension of herself rather than my own autonomous person.
To make matters worse, I was sexually abused when I was 4. It only happened once, but no one in my family dealt with it in the way they should have. I learned to bury and hide my feelings from this injury. I also have a very unique physical appearance, and have struggled (since I was a baby) with being hyper-visible and putting up blocks to deflect unwanted attention/making myself invisible.
I'm fairly certain that there are other inner children, I'm not sure how many though. My question is can your inner child be different ages? How can you go about learning about them or bringing them to the surface? For instance, I have a sister who is 10 years younger than me. When she was the age that I was when I was first hurt, I became really paranoid and overprotective. I showered her with love and attention, but I would also call her mean names sometimes. Could that have been an attempt to connect with my own 4 year old self who needed protection but never received it and learned she was bad (and had to do good things to be seen as good)?
This is all very new to me.
The relationship I recently ended has opened the floodgates on a lot of past hurt I've experienced and anger I've buried about never having the space or freedom to be my authentic self and repressing the things about me that are most valuable to fit an identity other people (parents, extended family, toxic friends) have put on me. Or just wanting my father to have a reaction to my life whether it's my pain or my triumphs. Wanting my father to stand up for me and protect me when my mom was so emotionally abusive to me. Or wanting my mother to back the f off from my life and stop treating me as an extension of herself rather than my own autonomous person.
To make matters worse, I was sexually abused when I was 4. It only happened once, but no one in my family dealt with it in the way they should have. I learned to bury and hide my feelings from this injury. I also have a very unique physical appearance, and have struggled (since I was a baby) with being hyper-visible and putting up blocks to deflect unwanted attention/making myself invisible.
I'm fairly certain that there are other inner children, I'm not sure how many though. My question is can your inner child be different ages? How can you go about learning about them or bringing them to the surface? For instance, I have a sister who is 10 years younger than me. When she was the age that I was when I was first hurt, I became really paranoid and overprotective. I showered her with love and attention, but I would also call her mean names sometimes. Could that have been an attempt to connect with my own 4 year old self who needed protection but never received it and learned she was bad (and had to do good things to be seen as good)?
This is all very new to me.
