Post by Angel on Sept 17, 2009 20:37:07 GMT -8
I have just been chatting to some friends who had a weekend away. The money that they spent on one meal was equivilient to my whole food budget for nearly a week.
I thought about it and realised that I will get into another relationship and he will start to treat me right and then it will deteriorate so I am working so hard on my recovery.
It feels like I meet a guy and he does what he can to impress me then almost automatically turns and starts to treat me bad, usually after it has gotten physical. My girlfriends say that not all guys are like that, that I am attracting the wrong ones and that in time I will recover and be able to pick those and just not go there.
So that is why I took a pledge not to let it get physical with anyone for a couple of months.
Why do I think this is related to my self esteem? Well so often he will spend money on me and treat me right and then it will deterriorate and I am left there with the bill or just being left out of the things that cost him.
An example goes back to my first boyfriend who worked during the holidays to buy me a friendship ring just after we first slept together or was it before? I am not sure. Then years later he follows me to Scotland to bring me back when i ran away. He takes all my money off me to buy my engagement ring in Thailand and then keeps the rest to 'borrow' to buy himself a car.
I had saved that from my nursing to put a deposit on a house.
I just GAVE it to him, no questions asked.
He then proceeded to cheat on me.
I left him and he refused to give the money back.
I just took it.
I am so depressed thinking of this cos I have repeated this behaviour over and over again.
Will I get better and be able to pick the arseholes?
this last POA spent money on me on the first date and then the next day it deterriorated to the point where I had to pay for groceries for dinner the next night.
I am sooo angry. Why do I do it?
I don't want a life like this.
Please someone talk to me and help me through this sudden awareness of my patheticness. It hurts.
I thought about it and realised that I will get into another relationship and he will start to treat me right and then it will deteriorate so I am working so hard on my recovery.
It feels like I meet a guy and he does what he can to impress me then almost automatically turns and starts to treat me bad, usually after it has gotten physical. My girlfriends say that not all guys are like that, that I am attracting the wrong ones and that in time I will recover and be able to pick those and just not go there.
So that is why I took a pledge not to let it get physical with anyone for a couple of months.
Why do I think this is related to my self esteem? Well so often he will spend money on me and treat me right and then it will deterriorate and I am left there with the bill or just being left out of the things that cost him.
An example goes back to my first boyfriend who worked during the holidays to buy me a friendship ring just after we first slept together or was it before? I am not sure. Then years later he follows me to Scotland to bring me back when i ran away. He takes all my money off me to buy my engagement ring in Thailand and then keeps the rest to 'borrow' to buy himself a car.
I had saved that from my nursing to put a deposit on a house.
I just GAVE it to him, no questions asked.
He then proceeded to cheat on me.
I left him and he refused to give the money back.
I just took it.
I am so depressed thinking of this cos I have repeated this behaviour over and over again.
Will I get better and be able to pick the arseholes?
this last POA spent money on me on the first date and then the next day it deterriorated to the point where I had to pay for groceries for dinner the next night.
I am sooo angry. Why do I do it?
I don't want a life like this.
Please someone talk to me and help me through this sudden awareness of my patheticness. It hurts.