Chrissy
Junior Member
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Posts: 75
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Post by Chrissy on Sept 18, 2009 9:21:47 GMT -8
A marriage that was supposed to be the solution and old pain often becomes the biggest most painful problem of all.
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berly
Junior Member
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Posts: 65
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Post by berly on Sept 18, 2009 20:23:58 GMT -8
Amen. I can relate to this. I had no idea when I met my spouse that he had some of the traits of my mother (one of the negative ones was her relentless criticism) and of my dad (one of his negative ones was his inability to relate emotionally and a tendency towards neglect due to passivity and distraction.) I have spent a great portion of my energy and time trying to find out the magic piece of knowledge that would make my H love me. I can't tell you how many times I have directly and indirectly begged for his attention...the little child inside crying out "please see me, please listen to me, please love me." I can know what I know about my H's emotional and spiritual unavailability and the child inside refuses to accept it. Yes, "a marriage that was supposed to be the solution to old pain often becomes the biggest most painful problem of all." I think the challenge for people who are in dysfunctional marriages who are also "recovering," is that they get distracted by the relationship in front of them and can't get past the idea of what it is supposed to be vs. what it in reality it is. I am a living testimony. Acceptance is very hard, especially if it means the death of a dream. Not sure what God has for me now, but I see more and more that every time I refuse to accept the current situation and keep trying to change it, the more I am completely banging my head against a brick wall.
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Post by geedee on Nov 7, 2009 4:00:56 GMT -8
acceptance is key I think. either i accept my husband's limitations or i will have to get out. i know in my heart of hearts that i dont want my marriage to end.
most of our troubles started as a direct consequence of his brain tumour. he never used to be so out of control. and altho' he wasn't ever Prince Charming - except maybe before we got married - I learned to live with that. I made do cos there was love underpinning it all. normal love. okay there are never fireworks any more. i remember telling him a while back that i was really sorry that i would never feel the thrill of 'butterflies' or have a mad crush on somebody. that was quite a few years ago now.
as the old saying goes....'careful what you ask for...'
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