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Post by dawnbelieves on Sept 27, 2009 2:49:56 GMT -8
Okay, I have known this guy since I was 13 year old. We had a little relationship while I was kid when we first met and then off and on a couple of times as we have grown up. He really bacame a part of the family because his family really wasn't there for him. He has in the past had some drug problems but has been clean from drugs for some years now. He is doing really well. I go to his house and visit him often just as a friend. We have no physical relationship other that maybe a hug when I leave. We usually will play on the computer together or watch a movie. We don't even sit together when we watch a movie. He chills in his recliner and I sit on the sofa. We are really good friends. I can tell him anything and he really listens to me. I was telling him about a class I teach and he seemed interested to hear my stories....even when no one else is. He never tries anything on me. He knows that I am waiting till I am married to have sex again so even if we did start a romantic relationship he already knows where I stand. He is a really good guy. BUT (there is always a but in my world) he does not believe that Jesus died for his sins. That is my main problem. It says in the Bible that we are not to yolk ourselves to unbelievers. I hate this because he has told me time and time again that he does love me and that he wants to marry me one day. Wow, that would be great. To marry him one day. I mean, that would definitely be what I want. Of course, not until I am done with school and that makes me think about the fact that I am not going to have sex till I am married. I mean, come on....I don't graduate for 2 2/1 years. Can I really make a man wait that long? I guess if he really loves me then he would wait that long. He would have to. BUT he doesn't believe in Jesus. Well, he believes the Jesus was a person....even a prophet of God....just that he did not die for our sins. He believes in God and creation and everything else that i believe in but believing in Jesus is most important in all of that. If Jesus didn't die for our sins then we are really in a mess in my opinion. So, I just don't know what to do. I have not always had these feelings. But recently when I go over there I want him to sit with me. I want to give him a kiss before I leave. Of course I don't, but I really want to. When I went over there yesterday I soooo badly wanted to go up to him and give him a kiss and a hug. I mean, seriously, I got it bad. I am going to give this some time to think it through. I always fall for guys that are wrong for me and the of course old LA patterns start taking over. I don't want that to happen. I am going to not talk to him or call him at all this week and just think and pray. I just can't seem to discern what God wants from me. I am tired of being single but at the same time really scared of being in a relationship. I just don't know what to do.
~Dawn~
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Post by Angel on Sept 27, 2009 7:48:58 GMT -8
Dear Dawn,
I can relate to your feelings of being tired of being single and at the same time really scared of being in a relationship. For me this is my biggest challenge and one that I cannot escape. Cos without being ok with being single I will accept unacceptable behaviour regardless of whether it is a problem of finances, of me having/not wanting more kids, religion, spirituality or in another member's case the use of drugs.
Hang in there!
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berly
Junior Member
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Posts: 65
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Post by berly on Sept 29, 2009 6:01:14 GMT -8
Dawn, listen to your intuition and what you know to be true. You are right in that God warns us not to be yoked together with unbelievers. I agree with your inner conflict telling you that it IS important that your friend embrace the truth about Christ. Don't let your longing to be loved and your desire to no longer be single be what guides your decisions. Read what the Bible says about marriage...That's what God's will is. Don't be yoked together with unbelievers. Your friend is not a "believer" in the same way you are. God's not trying to withhold something good from you. Sometimes what looks good is really not. You have to know in your heart of hearts that this man truly believes....or else the situation is a set up for heartbreak. Surround yourself with good friends right now who will tell you the truth. I will pray for you today, Dawn.
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Post by dawnbelieves on Oct 1, 2009 3:00:56 GMT -8
Thank you Thank you Thank you for the replies. I really did need the support and you are right, God is not trying to withhold anything from me. He knows best what I need and when I will be ready. Thank God that He has been walking with me through all of this. I have posted about this same thing in another thread that I will copy and post here. Any feedback would be soooo welcome.
Be blessed,
~Dawn~
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Post by dawnbelieves on Oct 1, 2009 3:02:01 GMT -8
Here is what I posted in the other thread. It is awesome how God answers our prayers:
Thanks for the replies guys but it is crazy how things have worked out since i posted this. I have really prayed about it alot and the other day I went to a party at his house and was very uncomfortable for some reason. I still can't really put my finger on what it was but since I had some homework to do I just used it as an excuse to leave. I was feeling fine on the ride home and that is when I decided that I would not contact him for a couple of days and see how I started to feel. Well.....it worked. He finally sent me a text that said, "I think I have a girlfriend, she has been here for three days and has only left to go to work." LOLOLOL!!! I am laughing because I can't believe I was falling for this guy. Like I said, I have known him since I was 13 and we are good friends and will continue to be but PLEASE! I knew he is not good for me. He drinks to much...not a really bad drinking but I don't drink at all so it would be a problem. He also smokes and I don't....smoking is something I have to stay away from so I don't start back. I mean, having a friend that I am around sometimes that smokes is okay, but not a bf that I am around all the time. Then the fact that he would meet a girl and in the very same day sleep with her and basically just move her in for a week. WOW! I think I got the answer to my prayers.
As I thought about this I realized that I was sooooooo close to falling into the same pattern I have been in for years! I was just about to start a relationship with a very needy person and make him my project. That is what i do. I make someone my project until I can't stand to not have them in my life. I have to have someone he needs me! I don't mean that in a good way...I mean someone who really needs me to do like everything for them. I have a feeling that is the way it would have been with my best friend.
Well, we are still friends and we probably always will be. Every now and then I go through this....thinking that I am falling for some one and having all the fantasies that go along with it. When this happens I have learned to delay making any moved at all till I have thought it all through and prayed on it alot. I am glad that I have learned to do so or I may have ended up in a very bad situation.
This is also why I am so scared of relationships. I am sooooo nervous to trust my own feelings because they always seem to be "lying" to me. Crazy huh? I am sure there are many out there that can relate.
I promised myself that I would stay single for at least two year OR till I was finished with the 12 steps, which ever one happens LAST. I think I need to stick to that. I am not far enough along in my recovery to try to have a relationship.
Be blessed,
~Dawn~
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Post by Angel on Oct 1, 2009 6:18:01 GMT -8
Dear Dawn,
I can relate to your wanting to wait until you are ready and being scared. I have acknowledged that I am an ambivilent LA which means at some stage I will go out there and 'love again'. In the meantime I am doing what I can to be healthy and put my life on track. I am not sure about waiting for me to finish the 12 steps. I am working my way through them but there is no real time frame for when I myself will be ready. Time is difficult to quantify. Maybe I will be ready in a few months maybe a year or more, who knows! Also life has a tendency to throw things at us when we least expect it but when we need it. So maybe just relax and tell yourself that it will happen when God means it to regardless of anything else.
Also I would agree with some of the other members, don't make a 'relationship' the goal of your life. Cos that sort of thinking was what got most of us in the mess that we are currently are in. I like Bushbiyu's thinking of making a goal 'emotional health'. To me this is really important. I guess that with that sort of goal I can't lose. If I am emotionally healthy I am more likely to attract a healthy relationship and if I am emotionallly healthy but don't have one I really won't care cos I will be happy any way!
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Post by dawnbelieves on Oct 13, 2009 14:00:20 GMT -8
I am definitely "happy anyway"...but I still would like to find someone. I mean, I am not making it a goal of my life but sometimes I just get lonely. And when I say lonely it isn't that dark terrible place I once was. It is just a loneliness that I believe anyone who is single feels from time to time. I have been single now for about nine months and I am ready for a boyfriend....at least a date would nice....LOL. But, one thing that you guys are right about....God knows the best time for me. when it is time it will be obvious I believe. I guess it is just not time for me now. Like I said, I do want to finish my steps anyway but sometimes I am just like, screw that....I want to get out there. But then again I want to be sure that I am as emotionally healthy as I can get (or at lesat pretty dang close) before bringing another person in my life. I guess you could say I am just being wishy washy about the whole thing. I am sure in time I will have it figured out. Be Blessed, ~Dawn~
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