john
New Member
Posts: 6
|
Post by john on Oct 26, 2009 8:17:13 GMT -8
I'm John and I'm a LRA
Distorted views of ourselves are very common and are the cause of a great ammount of suffering including obsessive attatchment to other people who we believe erroneously can relieve our pain and correct these distortions. I have struggled with low self-esteem and distorted self image for as long as I can remember. In fact as I write this my mind is telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about even though I have a graduate degree in Psychology, worked in counseling for most of my career life and have been in my own recovery process for nearly 30 years. I see that my core image of myself was created at some critical period in early childhood where in my case, there was a great deal of abuse going on. So the snapshot of myself in my mind depicts a bad little boy who is dirty and naive and can't do anything right. No matter what I have done in my life (and I've had a great life and have accomplished a lot) I default to this distorted self-image when I am in any sort of emotional crisis. This is also why that dispite being a nice guy and a good partner that I pick partners who are unavailable or abusive. So the solution rests within me and through developing a relationship with my higher power. I am so thankful that there is a solution.
|
|
|
|
Post by candee on Oct 26, 2009 10:22:06 GMT -8
Wow am I glad that you have posted this.Great reading it.
|
|
john
New Member
Posts: 6
|
Post by john on Oct 26, 2009 14:06:04 GMT -8
Thak You Candee
I had to log off so I wanted to continue. THe distorted view of self is so deep in our conciousness that it represents a fundamental belief and is very powerful. As is seen in many people who believe they are fat and develop an eating disorder and cannot even see with there eyes that they are becoming emaciateded. In terms of Love Addiction, I have not believed that I could be with someone who is lovinng and honoring or even trustworthy. THe only way to change these deep beliefs is to consistantly act in the opposite direction so for me having NC and trying to develop a concious contact with my HP and with the loving and suppotive people that are in my life.
|
|
|
|
Post by Light on Oct 26, 2009 20:56:19 GMT -8
Hi John, very interestng. During my recovery I'm finally admitting I have a distorted image of myself.This is due to bad experiences I lived in my childhood. I agree that "the only way to change these deep beliefs is to consistantly act in the opposite direction ". My husband helped me in encreasing my self esteem letting me see how untrue were some ideas I had about myself. My actions and my thougths now are in the right direction to build a good self image. Yes there is a solution  light |
|
|
|
Post by candee on Oct 26, 2009 22:58:43 GMT -8
Thanks John.I have been trying so hard to overcome this distorted sense of self.It is not seeming to happen.Or it happens and then I get a blow to my self esteem and Im back to square one.I would e eternally grateful if you could point me in a direction that would help me build on self esteem.
|
|
|
|
Post by glshere on Oct 27, 2009 6:55:23 GMT -8
WOW! John thanks! Very current for me. Today & yesterday almost made contact w/ POA after 2 weeks of NC , & since I broke off relationship. So painful to do. Have many regrets at times & keep re-writing letter in my mind. Anyway, past few days I have felt so bad about myself -my self image too- I had longing to make contact w/ POA to affirm my worth. When lonely & uninspired about my life, I can't get past thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness. Always has been my pattern when I not in a relationship. Even with all my awareness, this is something so hard to break. I still do not feel so great today. But I didn't make contact to make it worse! I am so gratefful to everyone here & to those in SLAA too. Peace.
|
|
|
|
Post by kellis on Nov 3, 2009 18:22:43 GMT -8
Well, for me I have been able to accomplish great things in my life in difficult situations. I had my daughter at 17 and still went to college and got my bachelors degree. I now have my masters degree. I am a hard worker and smart and this shows in all I do. I can do anything I want as long as I only have to depend on ME..People will say to me, "Look at all you have been through and you still came out on top.." yet inside I don't feel so accomplished. My problem is when it comes to any type of relationships - not just with the opposite sex. Why? Because I have to depend on others and they have failed me terribly in the past. In doing this, from a very young age I have HATED myself deep within my core. My father was murdered when I was 10 months old and when I got old enough to understand this I was very sad. I would cry at night for my dad. I would cry to GOD and want to know why he took him from me. I would beg GOD to just let my dad hold me...I just wanted to know what his voice sounded like. I was so angry at GOD and remained that way till my early 20's. I was confused, hurt and felt guilty. I felt abandoned from GOD and my dad. I felt like I had done something wrong or that I was not good enough to have my dad. I wanted to apologize and proclaim that I am sorry for being me. This started a deep rooted belief that I wasn't worthy of anything and learned to accept whatever came my way believing that I probably deserved it somehow. As life went on and bad things happened to me these broken records played loud in my head everytime. I am 34 and I still feel that way and it's wrong and even though I know this I sometimes can't escape the thoughts or feelings that eventually drive me to some compulsive behavior. Somehow we have to expunge these thoughts from us and validate who we are by learning to love ourselves, faults and all knowing that we are imperfect by nature. If not we are dying a long and painful death FOR NO LOGICAL OR RATIONAL REASON...
|
|
