Post by gratefulheart on Dec 3, 2009 22:06:55 GMT -8
I am struggling with letting go of my fantasy life completely. i have always been an imaginative, sensitive person who has felt different than the world..I have felt a special kinship in my life with people who are the same, even those i've never met and have no chance of ever meeting.
I bring this up because I felt this special kinship with deceased singer, Andy Gibb.. He was my first pop crush and the first time I felt that it was something innocent, sweet and not obsessive. I obviously know i will never meet him as he passed away when i was five years old..
He was one of the first innocent crushes i've had in my fantasy life and it didn't carry all of the baggage of my POA's. Now that i'm cutting loose all three of my POA's, I can't help but feel like I could find comfort transferring the torch to Andy Gibb. i know i sound crazy! i really apologize. i'm just looking for a healthy way to transfer the torch, that doesn't interfere with reality, cause destructive consequences and actions and perhaps just go back to the innocent kinship i felt with my first "star crush".
I want to get healthy and free from my addiction and do realize that i've placed people over God and myself. i don't want to do that anymore. the thing is, as far as passing the torch, the feelings that overwhelm me is i need the bearer of that torch to be someone who could want me in a romantic sense. perhaps i need to break free of that too? maybe that's part of the addiction? or maybe i'm just a romantic at heart.
is this unhealthy to transfer torch to someone who is a real person, even if they have passed away?
I think that would be similar to having a phantom lover, so I think it is safe. I sometimes fantasize about celebrities alive and deceased. I've never actually transferred the torch to any of them, though.
I think, like you, I have to sense that the person I bear the torch for has feeling for me too, or it doesn't seem to work.
I'm in no way an expert on this, but I think transferring the torch to anyone, real or imagined, could still interfere with your life....I've had poa's that were real people and imaginary, and both effected me the same way...I would daydream and lose touch with real life. It really negatively effected my family and myself. Personally, I am working on transferring the torch to God...letting him be the lover of my soul. I know that's been missing in my life for far too long.
I'm in no way an expert on this, but I think transferring the torch to anyone, real or imagined, could still interfere with your life. . .
Yes, you are right. If one can do it, loving ourselves should be enough. But Torchbearers are like people with a broken leg. They need a crutch, a half-way measure. Transference on to a phantom lover is the answer. When I am not with someone I am carrying a torch for my Higher Power or Sandra -- someone. It counteracts my depression. To each his own.
I have started to transfer to Fred and George the two angels who stand behind me and protect me. One is a Geek and the other the strong, silent listener with wise words. I feel safe with them around me. When I am tired I envisage them wrapping their wings around me and protecting me. They also have a good sense of humor and balance each other out in getting me out of my obsessiveness and fear.
There are no sexual feelings, just safety, companionship and comfort.
"Love doesn't have to hurt - If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you!"