Post by gratefulheart on Dec 5, 2009 0:17:01 GMT -8
As I am breaking out of the old mold that I hid in for most of my life, I am for the first time, catching glimpses of what being comfortable with myself could be like. Where I can just wake up and be happy because i'm me and not face the unbearable weight of addiction.
That said, i'm also experiencing an intense feeling of being my own island. getting to know myself and having cut ties with my POA's (NC for 6 mths), is very foreign and desperately lonely at times. The intensity of what i'm going through.. the purging of a life of pain and shame.. and facing myself, with no security blanket, makes me feel almost disconnected from everyone else around me going about their life.
The neighbor that is smiling and checking her mail or my mom who is wrapped up in her busy life.. would they have any clue that while they are doing things that seem effortless that i had to do everything i could to just get through the day, without fantasizing and endure painful withdrawals?
Was/ is it like this for anyone else in their early recovery? charting unfamiliar territory and feeling like an island? I am so blessed, however, that I am not a complete island.. rather, i am surrounded by many suns that shine brightly over my head.. the people of this board. thank you so much.
That said, i'm also experiencing an intense feeling of being my own island. getting to know myself and having cut ties with my POA's (NC for 6 mths), is very foreign and desperately lonely at times. The intensity of what i'm going through.. the purging of a life of pain and shame.. and facing myself, with no security blanket, makes me feel almost disconnected from everyone else around me going about their life.
The neighbor that is smiling and checking her mail or my mom who is wrapped up in her busy life.. would they have any clue that while they are doing things that seem effortless that i had to do everything i could to just get through the day, without fantasizing and endure painful withdrawals?
Was/ is it like this for anyone else in their early recovery? charting unfamiliar territory and feeling like an island? I am so blessed, however, that I am not a complete island.. rather, i am surrounded by many suns that shine brightly over my head.. the people of this board. thank you so much.
