Post by estrela5 on Dec 7, 2009 15:37:45 GMT -8
There are times when we simply do not know what to do, or where to go, next. Sometimes these periods are brief, sometimes lingering.
We can get through these times. We can rely on our program and the disciplines of recovery. We can cope by using our faith, other people, and our resources.
Accept uncertainty. We do not always have to know what to do or where to go next. We do not always have clear direction. Refusing to accept the inaction and limbo makes things worse.
It is okay to temporarily be without direction. Say, "I don't know," and be comfortable with that. We do not have to try to force wisdom, knowledge, or clarity when there is none.
While waiting for direction, we do not have to put our life on hold. Let go of anxiety and enjoy life. Relax. Do something fun. Enjoy the love and beauty in your life. Accomplish small tasks. They may have nothing to do with solving the problem, or finding direction, but this is what we can do in the interim.
Clarity will come. The next step will present itself. Indecision, inactivity, and lack of direction will not last forever.
Today, I will accept my circumstances even if I lack direction and insight. I will remember to do things that make myself and others feel good during those times. I will trust that clarity will come of its own accord.
3rd time with No Contact is feeling better every day. The obsessing is cooling WAY down. :)
Post by seekingserenitynow on Dec 22, 2009 0:18:40 GMT -8
Thanks so much for the reminder not to put our life on hold. I struggle with that.
If we put our lives on hold in order to recover we'd never again live our lives.
I read today in Facing Love Addiction that we often slip into the myth that once we just reach Complete Recovery we will find Perfect Relationships....but that the truth is those are unrealistic expectations. There is no such thing as perfect relationships, just better ones. There isn't complete recovery, just the progressive, growth-filled JOURNEY of recovery, celebrating each step forward and considering each day with some progress a successful day.
Therefore we can relax and enjoy each day for what it is and each relationship for the learning experience it is (while of course letting go of any toxic ones as appropriate and staying safe with healthy boundaries).
Facing Love Addiction (by Pia Mellody) has been really helping me by the way....I recommend it.
I do think recovery, especially earlier stages, is a really sensitive time though....so in some ways I am choosing to put my life on hold. Not completely, and I'm glad for this reminder to insert more joy and day-to-day maintenance stuff and giving and recieving and relaxation into it (play is proven to be essential to health...have read interesting book on it). But in some ways I'm stepping back from life for a bit, like not going to lots of parties and stuff I'd normally do...so I can focus on recovery and kind of do the natural winter hibernation thing and feel really safe mending my broken relationship with myself. Getting to know myself again after having lost myself while hung up on my POA. Doing some grieving.