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Giving
Dec 13, 2009 19:18:53 GMT -8
Post by estrela5 on Dec 13, 2009 19:18:53 GMT -8
Don't be afraid of giving. For a while, we may need to back off from giving as we learn to discern the difference between healthy giving and caretaking, which leave us feeling victimized and others feeling resentful. This is a temporary spot. To be healthy, to do our part in this spiritual way of life, to be part of the endless cycle of the Universe, guided by our Creator, we need to give and receive. Both parts are important. What is healthy giving? This is a fine lined behavior each of us must seek to understand for ourselves. It is giving that feels good and does not leave us feeling victimized. It is giving that holds the giver and the receiver in high esteem. It is giving based on a desire to do it rather than from a sense of guilt, pity, shame, or obligation. It is giving with no strings attached. Or it is giving based on a clean, direct contract. Whether it is giving our time, efforts, energy, comfort, nurturing, money, or ourselves, it is giving that we can afford. Giving is part of the chain of giving and receiving. We can learn to give in healthy ways; we can learn to give in love. We need to keep an eye on our giving, to make sure it has not crossed the line into caretaking. But we need to learn to give in ways that work for us and others. Today, God, guide me in my giving. Help me give to others in healthy ways. Help me give what feels right, what feels good, what feels clean, and what I can afford.
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seekingserenitynow
Full Member
 
3rd time with No Contact is feeling better every day. The obsessing is cooling WAY down. :)
Posts: 194
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Giving
Dec 22, 2009 0:03:01 GMT -8
Post by seekingserenitynow on Dec 22, 2009 0:03:01 GMT -8
I'm a recovering love addict....the needy, clinging, caretaker-attracting kind who attracts avoidant people who do alot of caretaking of me.
So for me personally I think giving more will be helpful and healing for me. I have alot of guilt over how often I've acted helpless and expected others to let me emotionally vomit all over them so much, take care of my financial needs, take care of my safety and so on.
So I'm excited about tomorrow. As I typically do each year, I've procrastinated on buying Christmas gifts so I haven't bought a single one yet. Luckily my finances are not as much a mess as they often are.
So I'm excited to take a break from this very intense, introverted, somewhat antisocial part of the recovery process and go with a safe friend to spend the afternoon focused on buying great gifts for people who have shown me love and support. It'll be fun to pick them out and wrap them and watch them enjoy them on Christmas, surrounded by relatives.
On the same token, I've been protecting my emotions more than I used to. That's one area I've tended to give too much of myself in.
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Giving
Dec 22, 2009 0:10:37 GMT -8
Post by geedee on Dec 22, 2009 0:10:37 GMT -8
yes, I'm very similar SSN.
one great thing is that I'm talking about my emotions and my addiction here and only here. very rarely do I open up to non addicts any more. that's growth I think.
being there for the real people in our lives and living in the here and now is also another positive step. greta
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