Hi! Everyone. I finally have a comp. now. I guess I am back.
My divorce has been finalized and I am finding it very difficult to pick up the pieces and move on.
I find it very hard to forgive my X, myself, and all those involved in the destruction of my marriage, although I know my unhealthy addiction and attachment played a major role in the destruction of it.
I desire so much to turn back the clock and have things back the way they were, but I know I can't. I would only have to go through the pain all over again, although it is still there. It feels more than I can bear at times, but I am getting stronger.
I don't, so much, desire to have her back as much as I desire to have the relationship and my family back, so I guess that makes me a relationship addict.
Still I have a torch constantly burning in my heart for her and us as a couple. Our children were so happy, I was so happy, and everyone envied our family and our closeness.
I think I am just so angry at her for ending it and also the fact that she has been with so many men since we split, but I still don't think I will ever lose feelings for her.
Sorrow shared is halved...joy and laughter shared is doubled...love shared is multiplied!
Post by walkingonwater on Dec 30, 2009 9:24:08 GMT -8
Yesterday I had a bit of a breakthrough. After weeks of feeling angry and upset towards God, my POA and my parents (for causing the whole sorry mess in the first place). I've done a lot of sitting in the anger and just letting it be there, and expressing it healthily... which helped a bit.. but still wouldn't go away.
Then yesterday I thought, it doesn't matter whether it's fair or whatever. I can just let go of the anger, whatever the rights and wrongs of it and however much my needs aren't being met. I can choose to just let it go. And I've felt a lot better (as well as reading a book about Corrie ten Boom who was a Christian holocaust survivor, that helped too)
Hopefully this feeling will stay! Hope I remind myself of this if I start getting angry again.