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Post by Angel on Jan 3, 2010 7:52:26 GMT -8
YUP! I am a romance addict!
I never fall for a guy until I have sex with him. In fact if it doesn't happen I rapidly lose interest in him and he goes in the friend basket'! Most guys do, the only ones I remember are the ones where it has gotten physical at some stage. So saying that I am more interested in the guy and the feelings involved, what he feels for me, what I feel for him, than the sex. Oh don't get me wrong the sex is usually really really good but it isn't the MOST important part of the relationship.
Once I have sex there is usually a major crisis - it just depends on who pulls away first. I realise I have a MAJOR fear of intimacy. I was discussing it with my SLAA sponsor tonight and we came to the point of my last major POA. I have prayed about this but I feel that NC for me is habituating my avoidance. That I need to confront and deal with my responsibilities towards these guys.
I mean seriously, they are the ones who get scared and pull away first usually. The sex is usually really intense but I don't think that is what does it. It is the MAJOR connection that they get with me, the honesty, the conversation at a very deep and spiritual level that tends to freak them out. I have had them put their arms around me and hold me tight and then I look in their faces and they are 'scared' to get physically intimate with me again!
They pull away only to come back later (mostly around the three month mark) or they stand around and watch me looking like a puppy that has had its tail stepped on!
I have noticed that once I have sex with a guy it seems to give me some sort of control over or affect over them. They get VERY nervous around me cos I DONT chase them or do all the OLA stuff except in my head, but I have noticed that I can just cast a look at them or in their direction and they get very nervous and drop things and look awkward and uncomfortable. I have noticed or rather my friends and my children have noticed that my POA look at me when I am not aware with a pining look in their eyes. I seem to choose the same ones and they have the same sort of behaviours.
So saying that they don't usually call me or text me or do the OLA stuff either, well not so obviously. They do have a tendency to cyberstalk and ask other people about me. It seems to be a dance of avoidance with a lot of sexual desire and unrequited love. I have had many of them torch bear too. I used to joke about how I attracted the sort of guy who wants to put me up on a pedestal (mommy issues!) and not touch me (they feel guilty about desiring mommy!). Seriously, these guys would desire me and I would see it in their eyes and yet they would often refuse to kiss me or have sex with me. That doesn't stop them being jealous though! Many have stomped off or refused to be friends with me because I had moved on to the next POA and they felt slighted! Naturally, cos I am a ALA I usually have someone waiting around the corner for me to do the same old merrygoround of intimacy/avoidance/desire/intimacy/avoidance/desire.
One thing I am NOT proud of is that I am actually starting to notice the poor guys who DON"T fit the profile of my POA and how they are attracted to me and the way that I treat them. Actually my POA has changed over the years. My XH and first BF were actually very similar, they were controlling and narcisitic and although muscley were basically lazy and as they aged they got a bit fat. Both smoked. Now my present POA is totally different, he is more or less like myself. The MORE like myself the more I am INTO him. For example; tall, athletic, broad shouldered, sporty, intelligent, well educated, a flirt, very sexual, a bit socially awkward etc,.
The poor guy who doesn't fit that description doesn't stand a chance with me. I have tried but there seems to be no sexual tension or attraction on my part. I did date a couple of guys only to find that I really couldnt' stand them touching me or kissing me. It was like I was with my first bf and XH who felt more like brothers to me than lovers!
Now I am seeing that these guys just don't get the chemistry flowing in me or my attention. I have done a lot of thinking about this and realise that after 24 first dates IT WAS MY RELATIONSIHP PATTERN!
On top of that I have to get really, really honest with myself in that I seem to enjoy being able to manipulate the whole situation so that it is full of drama and chaos and I get a lot of attention from it as well. I get obsessed with talking about it and yep I provide my gfs with lots of interesing stories of my escapades and love affairs! Thus getting attention but not healthy attention or mature attention - fear of true intimacy!
I think that my only way out of this is to deal with my fear of intimacy and start to deal with these guys on a mature level. Also hold back on the sex too!
Anyone got any information on learning to deal with intimacy? How do I build up my confidence and start to get close to people? I am also learning to trust as well. Maybe it goes hand in hand. Fortunately I now am able to recognise when I feel 'safe' or 'not safe' through journalling and putting up my feelings on the 'how are you feeling today?" page.
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Post by walkingonwater on Jan 8, 2010 5:41:30 GMT -8
Hi there,
I think I'm a romance addict too, tied in with torchbearing, OLA at times and ambivalence!!
I have not read any really good books about learning how to get intimate yet - would be great to hear from others who have...
Someone else posted somewhere and said that they were willing to get vulnerable and intimate with distant and unavailable people but not with healthy people. That was definitely the case for me! I thought I knew what intimacy was and then worked on doing that far too soon with an unhealthy person. Signs that I needed to be in recovery I think!
I also find it hard to hold back on the sex thing, even though it goes against my logic, reason, preferences and beliefs!
The drama seems to make life exciting (whilst in active mode with the POA anyway) and it is definitely addictive.
I too would appreciate advice from the healthier members on the board.
xx
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Woof
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Post by Woof on Jan 29, 2010 7:47:58 GMT -8
Dear Angel, you remind me of my behavior 20 years ago. We know so much more now as I am just uncovering all the new updated reading material. What kept me accountable then and gave me insight and intimacy was CODA. Oh if I had only stayed in the program I would have sparred myself the pain of making the same mistakes all over again. But life can only be lived in the forward direction. I am so proud of you finding recovery. I am going to pray for you today.
I really identified with having the next person waiting in the wings. That was me, never having to face solitude because the next fix was just around the corner. I now call this protecting the supply. Just as an alcoholic might have a secret stash somewhere in the car, office or home. That was me. Always had an alternate airport to land on in case the weather was down. I really appreciate your insight into the time patterns: 'they pull away only to come back later..." And after 24 first dates.... Amazing to see my old self trying to get it right the next time and hoping the outcome would be different if I just tweeked this or just changed that. But here I am again just like you back in recovery thanks HP. So thank you for your story. It helped me today. It helped me to see that letting a safe person see what I feel shameful about and being open and vulnerable to them is being intimate. n
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Post by joe1960 on Feb 8, 2010 9:41:12 GMT -8
Hi Angel, I feel like I am talking to my PoA here. Why do RLA have a fear of intimacy?
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Post by Angel on Feb 8, 2010 19:40:09 GMT -8
well I am only just beginning to understand it. I am happy to talk to you about it.
I got seriously hurt in my childhood. My mother was an alcoholic and i grew up fearful and confused. I ran awy in a sense when I found my first bf. His family became mine. Unfortunately, he was a pyschopathic Narcisist who totally controlled me and I let him.
he threatened to kill me if I left him. I equated a man saying he loved me with him telling me he was going to kill me.
understandable why I am scared hey?
soo when I met my last major POA I hit the 'sabotage' button and scared the living daylights out of him. He ran away. Seven months later and we have started to 'chat' again.
I have given myself five more months of no dating probation, no drinking or acting out in that time either.
I realise that there is only one person who can cure me of this. Really it is my HP but I MUST do the leg work. If I felt though someone was watching me and expecting me to change for them I think I would freak out. So i suggest that you work on yourself and just trust that you HP will help you find someone who is right for you, correct your relationship you are in or help you deal with being single or staying where you are.
it is all about trusting our HP and that is not so hard if you surround yourself with people doing the same thing. I guess that is why fellowship is so important to recovery.
You are in the right place Joe. I had a marriage with a man who didn't want to have sex with me. he had a gf and I was supposed to put up with that. It was the scariest thing in my life to make the changes I needed to 'grow up' . Maybe you are doing the same. It is harder in some ways for men to admit that htey are really little boys. Society expects so much of you.
Stay here and keep posting.
Angel
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Post by Angel on Feb 8, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -8
I think we also use Romance to keep true intimacy away. We think that as long as we are pining for someone then we can keep them at a safe distance. The moment they start to become REAL they become threatening.
We are immature and don't know how to face our fears and our inadequacies
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Post by primrose on Feb 9, 2010 7:12:19 GMT -8
Keartsgm, hi, are you in a lot of pain? If you're thinking "this girl is an avoidant, I'm a love addict, I should play it cool and she'll come running etc etc" then this board probably isn't going to much use to you yet. It'll help when you want to stop being in the agony of love addiction. If you want help, it's here for you, but it might be a bit early for you to look at this stuff if you're not in real gut wrenching pain and want help with your reationships. Best. Primrose.
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Post by Angel on Feb 9, 2010 7:43:06 GMT -8
Dear keatsgm,
No you don't need to start a new thread. This is about avoiding intimacy. Seriously, my POA and I did the dance of avoidance/intimacy. When he sent me a text which sounded needy before we met, I remember feeling scared! When we physically met we just had SUCH limerance we fell into each other's arms. It would have been funny if someone else was watching. I had had the same thing happen many times before. I remember someone coming up and telling me that he had seen with with a POA a year earlier and that we looked 'so right for each other and sooo in love!'
But that is what I do! It is the limerance that helps us get closer and not feel the pain. But it doesn't last!!! And the ONLY recovery is feeling your own pain, really feeling it.
You know what, maybe I oughtn't say this but she probably Does have feelings for you. I know most of my POA had feelings for me, deep feelings. I could see the pain in their eyes. A lot of them were WAY too young for me and I think that there were some deep mummy issues there. My girls reminded me of how T behaved like he wanted us to adopt him!! I remember when I transferred the torch (cos he didn't want to break with his gf and felt terribly guilty) I saw incredible pain and hurt in his eyes. He didn't want to have anything to do with us afterwards. Which was sad.
But you know even my present POA and the previous ones, it isn't about THEM! It is about US. I watch what telmita writes and put it into practice. I REALLY WORK the steps and I have a sponsor, I don't contact her all the time but she is there and guiding me. I pray, I meditate, i chat to my angels (integrating my spirituality through visualisation - at least that is what I tell Fred and George haha), I come here, I read, I post, I document the feelings I am going through and I work on ME. The rest is a bonus.
I mean what if your HP wanted you to have someone better than your present POA? What if your HP was trying to give you the gift of YOURSELF first! Wouldn't you be dumb to turn that away?
Look dont' get me wrong we feel the pain and we hurt and we dream and we wish but when it all comes down to it we cannot control anything outside ourselves and it is really hard to control ourselves too. So it all becomes obvious that we have to LET GO OF CONTROL AND TRUST THAT GOD WILL TELL US HOW TO MOVE THOSE FEET OF OURS!
Yes she is probably scared but you can't DO anything about HER scared. ONLY YOURS!
I started to make progress when I learnt how to tell others how I FELT. Like when I stood up and said to my POA "I feel scared and anxious being back in contact with you. I feel sad and confused about what happened between us!"
Notice, it was about what I FELT and i didnt' do it to control him, I did it so that I finally got off my arse and took responsibility for MY feelings and left him to deal with his OWN!
not sure if that helps but I can say that you are in the right place. Keep coming back and keep reading and posting and do the steps and write how you feel on the 'How are you feeling's page'
Cheers,
Angel
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Post by primrose on Feb 9, 2010 7:52:38 GMT -8
Keats, am sorry it is so painful. Recovery works when you've given up trying everything you can to win someone's heart. When you know it WON'T work and it's obvious to you that everything you do it failing and that your life is unmanageable. Then it works because you're willing to let go and surrender to something greater than yourself and accept that you on your own can't manage your romantic relationships. Do you feel like that? I didn't for a long time. I needed to chase and chase and try every trick I had to get this person that I wanted to adore me. And when I was in that chase, this board wouldn't have been any use to me at all. I was on a train, i'd bought my ticket and there was NO WAY I was getting off until I got my destination, which was my POA.
If you want to recover from love addiction it would mean forgetting all about that girl. Giving up thinking about her, actually seeing thinking about her as bad for you. Giving up contact with her, no email, calls, nothing. Letting go of her completely. It's a tough thing to do. Believe me! I was so addicted to my POA I couldn't get through a day without contact and the only way for me to get well was to do that. Best. Primrose.
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Post by joe1960 on Feb 9, 2010 9:16:34 GMT -8
Maybe one thing LAs have in common is poor bonding in childhood. I'm an OLA but perhaps I would be a RLA, if I were more outgoing.
To me intimacy is the most comforting of feelings because you can build up trust with your partner. Casual romances seem dangerous because you are dealing with many strangers.
Is there a generally recognized trauma in childhood that leads to fear of intimacy, e.g. sexual abuse?
Or in other words what causes one person to be an OLA and another to be a RLA?
This exercise is perhaps not therapeutic for me since I am still trying to understand what makes my PoA tick...
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Post by primrose on Feb 9, 2010 10:06:39 GMT -8
Ah joe good that you're honest  yes in answer to your question, and here on this site is a wonderful resource for finding out. You could look at Susan's book, or Patrick Carnes or Pia Mellody, have a look around the site, there's so much fabulous stuff here. Early abandonment, sexual abuse, addictions in the family. The incest triangle is what usually does it. It's absolutely fascinating when you start working it out. It's painful of course, but also it's just wonderful to get to know why things happen and make sense of it all. Sure you'll be a wonderful help to other people when you're a bit further down the line, you understand things fast, even if for now it's a disguised attempt to learn about your POA! Keep the focus on yourself and learn. Best. Primrose. |
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Post by Havefaith on Feb 9, 2010 10:10:14 GMT -8
joe, please do yourself a big favor -- stop thinking about what makes your POA tick. Think about what makes YOU tick. Therein lies healing.
havefaith
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Post by harmony4 on Feb 22, 2010 23:23:44 GMT -8
Wow i've really identified with a lot of what was said in this thread! Lately I have had a really hard time staying out of sexual relationships even though I find them to be very unfullfilling! I am definetly a romance addict and definetly avoid intamacy by choosing unhealthy situations. I'm pretty upset with myself because I said I was going to go six months without having sex and I have failed and the worst part is that I doubt I will ever speak to these men again so that makes me feel so used and terrible about myself. I think alcohol plays a big role in these unhealthy choices that I have recently made, I have such a great time in the moment but after I feel so alone and such a looser and I then want nothing more than to have someone to be close with that cares about me. I have had two incidents recently, the first time the guy didn't even get my number yet it felt like we were so close they whole night so I felt totally used. The seccond guy was way to young for me but we had a lot of common interests in outdoor activities and we spent the next day together (valentines day) at the lake which was nice but I didn't want to be the one chasing him if he wasn't into me so I deleted his number and sure enough I never heard from him either! I know that it's best that I don't talk to either of these guys because I can tell they both give me that high of wanting someone that is not available and i know i'm not healthy enough to choose a good partner for me. My ex who is also a POA has also been contacting me, I think i've been dealing with it well by not obsessing or catching myself when I start to think about us back together but still I just want to be okay by myself and not feel the need to have a man, yet I so desperatly want to find that right person.
I'm starting to get a little worried about myself as I almost feel like i have gotten worse, I don't normally have random sexual encounters, I usually just find an attachment and stay attached to that person until it's just so plane as day that they aren't going to commit.
Anyway sorry for rambling, i'm glad I'm here where I can vent.
Angel-thank you for starting this thread and being so honest which allowed me to be honest with myself and with all of you. I have a real problem and I need to deal with this. I probably need to stay away from the party scene as well and just not put myself in tempting situations. I am going to read more about the twelve steps and start working them to get better.
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azalea
New Member
the exercise that is the toughest to complete will help you the most
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Post by azalea on Apr 19, 2010 18:11:13 GMT -8
Harmony,
Thank you for sharing your pain. I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. I think we women often are too quick to feel used, victimized and bad about sex. I am NOT telling you to go sleep around with every guy you meet. It seems like you feel you have made mistakes, and I am sure you have learned from the experience. It is all part of growing and learning to love ourselves and every day is a new day when we can head in whatever direction we choose.
I am saying this because I have felt upset in the past about sexual encounters with men, and I worked within myself not too overly dramatize the situation and to make everything worse then it really is. I guess I have been thinking a lot lately how the social role of women in our culture (I live in the mid-west) is unhealthy in some ways and that this contributes to unhealthy relationships. The shame surrounding sex is one example, and also the expectation for mothers to focus everything on their families and nothing on themselves (codependency) . Also the expectation that you NEED a man to be happy and a single woman is a desperate woman. All these "normal" attitudes are ideas that I have been thinking about and trying to find a healthy way to deal with.
Forgive me for going off on a tangent. Thank you for sharing.
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azalea
New Member
the exercise that is the toughest to complete will help you the most
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Post by azalea on May 10, 2010 20:49:34 GMT -8
Angel,
What strikes me about your post and I have been thinking about it for a while so I decided to write about it, is that your post is mostly about how others feel about you. It is not about you. It is about how much men like you. This strikes a chord in me because I feel good when someone else likes me. I struggle to feel good about myself otherwise, I guess. It just surprises me to think that part of my thoughts are centered on how someone else sees me, how much does someone else like me. Instead of concentrating on what I am feeling and what I am doing, I am externally focused. I know I am similar to you. It is absurd because I can't control how someone else feels about me. No wonder I feel so insecure. There is no security in being tied to the whims of someone else.
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Post by primrose on May 11, 2010 1:41:34 GMT -8
Usually love addicts find that out about themselves, it's about the other so that's why we get addicted to the adoration of others. Other people are gods then. I had a god in my POA even though I was an atheist. I put his opinion of me before my own sense of self. That's why in step 4 there is so much emphasis on self-seeking, literally seeeking a sense of yourself through an other. If you look at your relationships Azalea, you might find that you are externally focused in all of them. Each resentment I had in my step 4 came down to me wanting other people to be different from the way they were. Why did I want them to be different? Because I wanted them to give me a POSITIVE sense of identity, and when they didn't do that, I was resentful. Without a core sense of who I was, I was at the mercy of the opinions of other people.
I know you've struggled with the idea of surrender in LAA, but if you start to break the denial about how little sense of self you have, how reliant you are on external validation, you'll see how much you sense of self is blown by the wind, how fragile it is and how it attaches itself to anyone who gives you an encouraging smile. Well certainly it was like that for me and yet I was so sure I had a strong sense of who I was. Interesting stuff. P.
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vee25
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Post by vee25 on May 11, 2010 3:34:41 GMT -8
Gosh azalea this is exactly what i have discovered- that i'm constantly worrying/thinking about what others think of me and its the root of much of my negative thinking. I wrote to my inner child about this and let her know that it is sad that i allowed others to tell me how to think and feel as a child but i am learning to be an adult today and we can decide to speak up for ourselves and be powerless over others.
Thanks for this post guys.
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Post by Rick Faith on May 11, 2010 5:16:58 GMT -8
my therapist yesterday told me i seemed to be mjore concerned with if coffee lady lkiked me than what i felt about anything.... cause i guess i was seekiong a high. Something happened in that session...discussions about nsexuality, by lower body area front and back, and low body image...something happened somewhere yesterday that made me very sick...and still sick today...gotta shake it off. Feel so alone...so loost...vulerable...weak, and left behind from the world.
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Post by veronica on Jul 22, 2011 11:47:50 GMT -8
Angel, thanks for your honesty. Ouch, I am uncomfortable. What struck me was how you described your incredible emotional power over your POAs. Deep revealing. Lots of emotions and honesty as a way to mesmerize and hook, and how ironically all of that ultimately ends in very lonely place. Going from one man to the other. I can so relate.
When I blossomed as a young woman all of a sudden I had power, romantic power. It was incredible. I was raised to be invisible and developed no real accomplishment on my own. My mom would jeer us when we attempted to 'be more' "Who do you think you are? Better than the rest?". Yet she was extremely glamorous and beautiful and very seductive. Her three girls in contrast were very dowdy and overweight. She didn't like competition for attention. A youngest child in a family of alcoholism, neglect and bullying. I never respected my mom's extreme focus on her ability to attract the opposite sex, but I definitely built my own version of the trap. As soon as I had a crush on a guy, I lost the weight. The race was on! Actually my first long-distance, mostly in my head relationship was on.
One aspect of my recovery has been to find other ways to exert power in the world that nutured my self esteem -- and others too. To focus on doing things that bring admiration that have nothing to do with romance. Let's face it, as we get older we better have developed the rest of ourselves! To allow who I am right now to be just lovable and acceptable without those too. Because accomplishment can become another addiction (I'm not that person but addiction is cunning so I keep an eye on it). My fantasies are often of having wonderful talents and being admired by my POAs, I know that's a sign from my psyche that I want to be loved and respected and am not feeling it in my real life.
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Post by Angel on Sept 14, 2011 16:17:50 GMT -8
Hi All,
Angel here! It has been a long time since I posted. I am still unable to access the site from China. The only reason I am here today is becaue a family friend has sent me to Sydney to help his son.
Just to let everyone know I am doing well. I have now done the 12 steps in SLAA once and am on it a second time. I did them the first time with Alanon + LAA two years ago when I first joined this forum. I am on them this third time to do them with my anorexia in SLAA + my BDA/DA + Under earners. I am making great progress.
My pain of financial codependency was triggered big time at the beginning of this year. I met up with my Q or Romantic obsession to say good bye to him. He was returning to the States. My Avoidance kept me safe for the 18 months between seeing him for the first and last time. During that time I worked my program hard. My sponsor didn't see a problem with me seeing him and in fact it broke my fantasy addiction to him.
I did however break my bottomlines in my dating plan :-( but I survived. Only thing was that two weeks after we parted on (I thought) amicable terms where I explained my SLAA addiction and made my amends, he did something to really throw me off. Fortunately, it also helped to kill my romance addiction to him so there were benefits.
What happened was the he called me and asked for my help. He had just returned from a two week vacation in Cambodia (geographical cure?) where he had his wallet and camera stolen (he said). He definitely sounded VERY strange and very upset. He asked me to send him skin care products because he had a bad outbreak of mature age acne. I agreed to but said I had to charge him half price to cover my costs. He agreed if I could get the products to him.
A courier delivered them the night before he flew out and I confirmed this with him by texts as we missed each other's calls. Then what happened next was pretty nasty.
He blocked or disappeared on skype for three months only appearing briefly for ten mins (that I am aware of) during that time. No answer, no word no payment. I was really upset naturally and as a result of his actions I started to work my financial programs with a vengence. I dealt with my under earning and my compulsive debting but mostly my finanical codependence. Once again I turned lemons into lemonade and now my xh has handed the import export business across to me and I have rid my life of untrustworthy business partners. I am slowly building a career and a business for myself and I couldn't be happier!
I confronted my Q at six months when he reappeared on skype. He denied taking the goods, said he left the box in shanghai unopened and didn't see why he should pay. He sounded distressed and confused and I guess hadn't been expecting me to confront him because he had sized me up as codependent I guess.
I told him that I considered his actions wrong and that when he was ready to correct them and make things right he could restore me to his skype. I made HIM delete ME so that it was clear that it was an action he was making that made it clear that HE had to sort his nuts out before I wanted to deal with him in any way shape or form. He can't blame me for blocking him this time. I know he was extremely resentful of my NC him for six months without word. During that time I made a lot of recovery but I did feel guilty about blocking him.
I have started to date on E harmony but haven't found anyone I am interested in. In fact there is absolutely no one around me I am romantic about and that is perfectly ok. In time I will meet someone I guess and in the meantime I have a business to get up and running.
Hope everyone is well and if you ever want to chat I can be found on skype. Just ask me for my skype details.
Ciao all
Angel
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Post by veronicamars on Nov 29, 2017 22:32:08 GMT -8
I didn't have the focus to read everything in this thread, but I wanna say I relate so much to everything you're saying!!!! So often I'll become very sexually and physically distant from any actual potential interest and seek out the chase with someone unavailable or inappropriate. This has gotten me in stuffpy situations a lot and has always left me feeling pretty awful. I also have the tendency to start avoiding the person who I become intimate with and then search for new "exciting" romance outside of that relationship. That's also been pretty messy too. Fluctuating between romance / relationship addiction and avoidance (plus BPD) gives me whiplash and makes good, real relationships very hard to maintain.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2017 22:40:16 GMT -8
... Fluctuating between romance / relationship addiction and avoidance (plus BPD) gives me whiplash and makes good, real relationships very hard to maintain. This sounds very uncomfortable. I understand that BPD has a classic type of push/pull to the relationship. When you are distant, one tends to pursue, when close, one feels the need to withdraw. Often this type of behavior can be connected to abuse by a caregiver. The feeling of a need for attachment is real in a child, but the abuse makes closeness painful. Sometimes, there is a progression to complete avoidant rage in extreme cases. Check out this wiki on EMDR therapy, it has been show to be useful in certain situations. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing |
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yes in answer to your question, and here on this site is a wonderful resource for finding out. You could look at Susan's book, or Patrick Carnes or Pia Mellody, have a look around the site, there's so much fabulous stuff here. Early abandonment, sexual abuse, addictions in the family. The incest triangle is what usually does it. It's absolutely fascinating when you start working it out. It's painful of course, but also it's just wonderful to get to know why things happen and make sense of it all. Sure you'll be a wonderful help to other people when you're a bit further down the line, you understand things fast, even if for now it's a disguised attempt to learn about your POA! Keep the focus on yourself and learn. Best. Primrose.
