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Post by tigerlilly on Apr 12, 2008 16:57:40 GMT -8
Yesterday and today were not good...all I could do was think about dying...it scared me...I couldn't really do it, the most I got was a couple drops of blood...I tried to call him, because I was scared and going out of my mind...I needed to talk...he called the police...who called my daughter, but no one could find me...I'm not dumb enough to be where they could...he never even called me out of care for another human being...7 or 8 hours later, I called him again...of course, still no answer...I just want to know how he can hate me so much, but I'm sure he thought he did his duty and washed his hands of me...obviously, I'm here yet, but sometimes I wonder for what.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 12, 2008 17:59:05 GMT -8
Yesterday and today were not good...all I could do was think about dying...it scared me...I couldn't really do it, the most I got was a couple drops of blood... When you cut to bleed rather than to end your life it is a call for help. People with BPD (myself included) do this. It is discussed in I Hate You Don't Leave Me, by Kreisman. I am a cutter in recovery. I have scars. I call it "Nail me to the cross but don't hurt my feelings." I can handle physical pain but not emotional pain. The cutting also sends endorphines to the site of the wound and it soothes you. There are a lot of reasons people cut. Please do some research. Please stop. Keep reaching out for help. Whether this was a failed suicide attempt, depression, or BPD cutting, I am glad you confided in us. You are in my prayers.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 12, 2008 18:02:32 GMT -8
Everyone on this board must remember that love addiction is a life-threatening disorder. Let's all reach out to Tigerlilly.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 13, 2008 16:43:14 GMT -8
How are you doing today Tigerlilly?
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rose
New Member
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Post by rose on Apr 13, 2008 20:48:52 GMT -8
tiger lilly, i am so sorry you are in such pain. i hope someone has come to give you so solace to let you know that you matter. because you do. and you were very brave to post the message that you did. and it shows that you are trying to help you and that's important. you should be proud of yourself that you could reach out like that when you hurt so much.
you are in my thoughts. let us know you are doing o.k. when you can.
warmest regards,
rose
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rose
New Member
Posts: 12
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Post by rose on Apr 13, 2008 20:49:31 GMT -8
tiger lilly, i am so sorry you are in such pain. i hope someone has come to give you so solace to let you know that you matter. because you do. and you were very brave to post the message that you did. and it shows that you are trying to help you and that's important. you should be proud of yourself that you could reach out like that when you hurt so much.
you are in my thoughts. let us know you are doing o.k. when you can.
warmest regards,
rose
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Post by tigerlilly on Apr 14, 2008 14:48:52 GMT -8
I am feeling better today...I feel bad for letting my emotions get out of control...I have to get a grip on things and move on...I cannot live like this...that man cares less about me than a dog...he cried when his dog died, but he didn't even care about me...I bought the book How to Fall out of Love...it has some good suggestions...I don't know how I can be so naive to feel the way I have over a man who is scum...how dumb am I?! Thank you all for caring.
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rose
New Member
Posts: 12
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Post by rose on Apr 14, 2008 16:59:44 GMT -8
hi tiger lilly: thanks for updating us. i went out and bought two books today. the first was "he's just not that into you" and the second was "he's just not that into you - your daily wake-up call." they look like they'll be helpful.
hang in there,
rose
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Post by tigerlilly on Apr 14, 2008 18:01:07 GMT -8
Thank you Rose...I saw one of those books when I was picking up the one I got...you'll have to let me know how you like them. Sometimes, it seems like the suggestions are really helpful...I've been using a method that when I start obsessing, I snap my wrist with a rubberband and then think of something that I find pleaurable...I actually downloaded pictures of the beach and dolphins at work, which really helped...there was also a suggestion to think of something...some quirk about ther person and kind of build on it, so that if you do picture them, you can pull up that image...I tried both today...especially the first one...everytime I thought of him...and I actually feel pretty good tonight...I accomplished things at home that sometimes are just difficult to do. I don't know if tomorrow will be as good as today, but I'm sure hoping it compares, because if I can keep this going, I will win this battle. Thank you so much for caring and following up with me...it means a lot to me.
Tigerlilly
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Post by denialknight on Apr 14, 2008 21:53:00 GMT -8
Tigerlilly - Yesterday I had a thought - I am a gift that must be received with two open hands - because I am that valuable - and my heart that fragile. I cannot allow a potential partner to receive me with any less. I am a gift. YOU are a gift Tigerlilly. I also read "Language of Letting Go" where it said that when we are grateful for who we are - (ALL of who we are) - it is the beginning of self-love. So today I am grateful for the gift of who I am. As you read this tomorrow - let the gift of who you are come out - and be given only to those careful enough - caring enough to receive it! You are a gift with a purpose - to make a difference in the lives of those with eyes to see and hearts that can be touched.
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Post by LovelyJune on Apr 15, 2008 7:32:55 GMT -8
Tigerlily,
It's time for YOU to care about YOU, and what that entails is a loving, committed relationship to yourself. DenialKnight is right...you are a miracle and a gift to the world. There is only ONE you. Learn to value yourself in place of someone else valuing you right now. You are certainly valued on these boards!
T
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Post by jonny on Apr 15, 2008 10:31:59 GMT -8
tiger lilly
I feel so sorry you are in so much pain but it will ease i promise you i thought it would never end at first i went to an hypnotist he made a CD to play at first i played it 3 times a day to num myself out then after a few weeks i only needed it once a day and so on till i suddenly i forgot to use it one day and realised i did not need it o the hurt and pain was unbearable every morning as i woke up....its 5 months now and i feel amazing still a bit to go but all very dull NO pain at all no HURT at all !!!! and my mind most of the time at REST .
Hang in there we have all been there you think its never going to end but it gets slowly better very slowly....you must be patient it will come please go to the doctor for some help maybe anti depressants or anything to calm you down and try to stop your mind fantasizing....we are all in there with you we have been there we know the pain...always remember and its very true TIME IS A GREAT HEALER !!!!..........
jonny xxx
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Post by londonstyle on Apr 15, 2008 17:14:06 GMT -8
Hang in ther Tiger Lily....I hope you have another good day.
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Post by Sexlessw on Apr 21, 2008 4:33:51 GMT -8
How are you doing?
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Post by bluebird on Apr 23, 2008 14:21:33 GMT -8
Hi tiger lily,
So glad you are still with us. bluebird
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Post by Rainbows Always on Apr 24, 2008 3:18:50 GMT -8
Hi Tigerlily, You are certainly "not dumb" as you called yourself .......to let yourself get so out of control. But you sound like a love addict.
Love addiction is SSSSSSSOOOOOO painful. And only those of us who are one can comprehend it. Who would have thought huh?
It still spins me out that an end of a r'ship can be so painfully immobilising to the extent that we wish we could just die. Intellectually it doesnt make sense to me. But I know it, coz I've felt it. Ive been there and the end of my last r'ship was the most painful experience Ive had in my life so far. It hurts.
Withdrawals just hurts. And it never feels like it will end.
But it does. It truly does. With the help of this board and the 12 steps I got over my withdrawals and now I can even talk to him on the phone (we are close friends) without getting upset.
One day at atime. Wake up everyday and say to yourself..."Today I will not end my life". Say that every morning and one day you will not have to remind yourself to live!!
Please know that you are not alone with this awful painful disease of love addiction.....but there is hope. It does get better if you work on it.
Rainbows always XX
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