It is high time you found out. The article on self-esteem gives you 17 things to do to build self-esteem. Have you done them?
1. Adopt an attitude of self-acceptance or self-love. This means really understanding that you are a worthy person despite your shortcomings. This is a mindset.
2. Once you have a general acceptance of your worth as a human being, spend some time focusing on your specific attributes. This enhances your self-worth. Just don't get carried away.
3. As part of your new positive thinking campaign, learn how to superimpose new information over your old negative tapes. (Negative tapes are all the hurtful and inappropriate things people said about you while you were growing up.) This is the best way to diminish inappropriate self-criticism which erodes self-esteem.
4. Reclaim your self-respect -- the pride or satisfaction that comes from:
Self-discipline
Being responsible
Honoring your own value system
Handling adversity well.
Self-respect, which is a kind of conditional love, does not necessarily contradict the notion that you should love yourself unconditionally. Both concepts are important to maintain self-esteem. You must try to find the balance between loving yourself unconditionally and pushing yourself to do things that will engender self-respect.
5. Surround yourself, whenever possible, with people who affirm you (people who like you just the way you are). Like it or not, your relationship with others can erode your self-esteem. So make a point of choosing your friends carefully. You did not have a choice about this as a child, but as an adult you are free to pick and choose most of your companions.
6. Consider reading books about building up your self-esteem and healing your inner child. This promotes awareness which is an important step is overcoming low self-esteem.
7. Get to know yourself -- who you are, your values, needs, wants, taste, etc. How can you value what you do not know?
8. Stop trying to be perfect. No one is perfect. We all live in the shadow of perfection and are perfectly imperfect.
9. Do nice things for yourself. Take care of yourself. This self-care validates your self-worth.
10. At the same time, do nice things for other people. There should be some balance in your life between taking care of yourself and being kind to others.
11. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are special in your own way and this is the attitude you must have about yourself.
12. Learn how to receive, especially if you are a people pleaser or have always had a monopoly on giving. Stop dismissing compliments and returning gifts. Let the love come in.
13. Be creative. Everyone has a talent and they should use it. This stimulates self-satisfaction and reinforces the positive things you have been thinking about yourself.
14. Stand up for yourself, especially if you don't usually do this. Remember that you value what you take care of. Standing up for yourself means:
Setting limits (saying no)
Expressing your opinion
Walking away from neglect or abuse
Being assertive when appropriate
No longer apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong.
15. Make amends if you have hurt someone. (If you are codependent make sure you are the guilty party. Codependents are known to apologize just to keep the peace or out of misplaced guilt.)
16. To protect your newfound self-esteem, prepare yourself mentally for those times when people try to drag you down (people you can't avoid like co-workers). Learn how to keep from taking them so seriously, as well as how to filter out inappropriate criticism.
17. Some people just can't wake up one day, after years of devaluing themselves, and suddenly know that they are worthy people. If this is true for you, you may need something to take the place of the mirroring of love that you did not get from your parents when you were growing up. You may need a dramatic shift in consciousness before you can practice self-acceptance. This shift in consciousness might occur if you awaken to the love of a “Higher Power.” In other words, when you know that you are loved unconditionally by a benevolent force in the universe it is sometimes easier to take a second look at yourself and conclude that you are a valuable and worthy person.
