Hello all, I am new to the boards - been lurking a while, but just joined. I was wondering if feelings of severe depression/suicide are worse for any of you around holidays?? I seem to find that my thoughts of my POA are worse around times I am "supposed" to be having fun - ie long holiday weekends. For those of us here in the US - the fourth of July is fast approaching, and I am dreading the down feelings. I try to stay busy with plans and activities to divert my attention from my POA.
Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 2, 2008 12:12:02 GMT -8
Yes, holidays trigger memories and emotions. Some people get out and distract themselves. That is my recommendation, but I don't always practice what I preach. I am staying home and comforting my inner child. We are going to order in from a restaurant and watch old movies.
Hi OPal, welcome to the board. I hope it helps you in the way it helps/has helped me - especially through holidays, as you mentioned. Yes, sometimes, the feeling of impending doom as a holiday approaches is terrible. I can panic just thinking about it. Holidays often bring in great waves of depression, borne on the wings of the fantasies of what I could be doing, what others are doing, and the grim reality of what I AM doing -
here are things that have helped me: PLAN for the holiday. EVEN (ESPECIALLY) if you don't feel like it. Have at least ONE nice thing for yourself on each holi DAY. Do somethinbg different, something which will makeyou proud of yourself. Last holiday I went for my first ever rock climbing session. Pamper yourself, - get or DO that foot massage. Get your roots done! Go for a sauna/swim/whatever makes you feel better about your body - it houses your soul. Meditate. Feel the pain of loss, regret, anger, resentment, and let these balloon in intensity then fade into a stillness.
KNOW that holidays pass, but that each time you handle one better, the next one becomes more manageable.
Welcome to the boards Opal. Glad you decided to start posting. There is a lot of good stuff here. Maybe you can make this holiday different:) I decided to adopt a new kittyy from my local shelter to keep me occupied for the holiday:)
Last Edit: Jul 3, 2008 4:01:35 GMT -8 by dragonfly
Thanks for your kind words......this rang so true with me:
"Yes, sometimes, the feeling of impending doom as a holiday approaches is terrible. I can panic just thinking about it. Holidays often bring in great waves of depression, borne on the wings of the fantasies of what I could be doing, what others are doing, and the grim reality of what I AM doing "
I had such anxiety yesterday and intense sadness as I watched my employees leave for the holiday weekend all excited with anticipation of time shared with loved ones.
You see - I am mostly alone - with a handful of friends......I am estranged from my parents (I am 41) with two distant siblings....whom I feel lonely around and just disconnected from.
My POA is away on a fun filled two week vacation with his daughter (who comes here to visit for the summer) I am torturing myself looking at his daily blog updates about all of their adventures. Feeling awful that I can't share it with them and that I screwed up so badly I won't ever be able to have a relationship with them. (we have none now - he cut of contact with me in Dec of last year - now he communicates sparingly and discussed "maybe friendship" which tears me to pieces)
The mind is so powerful.....thinking about him just brings tears upon tears upon anxiety upon anxiety.
I too, have tried some of the above mentioned coping mechanisms - but the thoughts still intrude...no matter how hard I try.........I am already dreading Christmas and Thanksgiving....probably alone....again.
First of all, welcome to the board - large hugs from those who have BTDT -and GTT (getting through that).
I'll not pepper you with any hard love b/c I think you need to take a step back - coming here and finding some Internet help is a huge leap. No need to hit you with a dose of sexlessw hard nose love advice.
Reflect upon yourself first, see why you feel as you do - why you felt so attached to this PoA and see how it all plays into your wider life experience (estrangement - that's to me a powerful word - from your extended family).
When you are ready, please share more - read - I suggest you go a bit bonko on Amazon & order up a few of the books that Susan P recommends (or your local library - can't let Jeff Bezos get ALL of our refund checks can we - ha ha ha). Many of the books mentioned will bring clarity into how you feel and even perhaps WHY you feel as you do.