godsguy
Full Member
 
Prayer Requests
GOD IS LOVE!
Posts: 146
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Post by godsguy on Aug 31, 2008 11:35:17 GMT -8
Maybe I should post this elsewhere, because i've never been, what I would consider suicidal. I don't wish to die and especially not to do it myself, but sometimes I wish I had never been conceived or wonder why I was. I know God had/has a purpose for creating me, but sometimes I fail to remember that and wonder when I will find that purpose. I have never had any dreams or goals for my life, accept building a family and living happily with them for the rest of my life. I have already almost screwed that up. I am trying really hard to get to know God in a more personal way (prayer,study,meditation,etc.) but can't stop the same bad relationship habits. If my wife would just leave me, then I could get over the hurt and mostly stop hurting and controlling her psychologically. It hurt really bad just typing that. All I want is for us to work things out and be a happy, functional family. When I do have thoughts about never being born though, it really scares me. I know I shouldn't think this way and it scares my wife, too. In fact I have(whether contiously or not) used this to manipulate her into changing her own thinking. I'm so ashamed of all the ways I have hurt people. The more I try to forgive myself, the more I screw up. I realized something in worship this morning, but I have even tried to manipulate God, my creator, all my life.(As if that were possible) Anyway, I didn't mean to start feeling sorry for self, I just could use a little encouragement and prayer. 
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Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 31, 2008 12:16:17 GMT -8
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Post by bluebird on Aug 31, 2008 12:18:50 GMT -8
I will pray for you too. b.
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Post by LovelyJune on Sept 1, 2008 13:04:08 GMT -8
Here's some encouragement: your thoughts about "what if I were never born" are NORMAL. It's OK to think about things like that. It's a matter of getting to know who you are. Feel free to imagine it! You have 4 beautiful children...Think of what a positive life you have created in each of them. Do not focus only on the bad...we are ALL guilty of some bad and some good. Now is the time to focus on the good.
God does have a purpose for you. You just might need to be patient to see what it is. From your vantage point, you might not be able to realize the work of your life and how it is changing.
Be patient. Pray, Enjoy your children. And recognize that you might have to redefine your goals.
T
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Post by Sexlessw on Sept 2, 2008 11:54:15 GMT -8
GodsGuy:
You pose a difficult question, one that I am entirely unable to understand. I have no answers for you, but can only say - God never lets us down. He's Always there for us when we need Him to be.
Enjoy what you have NOW. Your kids, your wife, your life.
If there is something you can change, work on changing it. [insert what you want to change here: __________________] It's a task - and every task is something worth doing.
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Post by Turtle Lover on Sept 2, 2008 17:10:39 GMT -8
Godsguy,
I have no easy answers for you, but I wanted to let you know I prayed for you.
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godsguy
Full Member
 
Prayer Requests
GOD IS LOVE!
Posts: 146
|
Post by godsguy on Sept 12, 2008 20:30:06 GMT -8
Thank you all for the encouragement and prayers. I am sorry I have not been on very frequently, but things only keep getting worse and worse. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I am trying to do everything in my power to turn things around. I've been able to strengthen my relationship with God, with myself, and then with my wife and my children.
The problem is from the outside busybodies that are trying to destroy my family. They are from the church we were going to and are supposed to be Godly people, but they will not leave my wife and I alone. They have made up their minds that I'm guilty of beating my wife, even after she has told them the truth, herself.
She moved back into the house like I told you all she was doing. Things were tense but we were getting along very well. They called "child services on us just because they have in their heads that I am dangerous. We almost lost our children. Our case was at a priority 1 status. Our children are very well taken care of and, in fact, they always will have whether we have or not. In fact, to save our children from going through this emotionally traumatizing experience, we seperated a 4th time. We both are brokenhearted now, but we will definately not be back together until Oct. 9, because the only place she had to go belonged to one in this group of people, and they forced her to file a restraining order against me in order to stay in the house. I think (without too much namecalling) that these people are barbaric. They have had their noses into our family for way too long, but our hands are tied. the morning before we decided to do this, we talked to my attorney and to the D H S investigator. It seems they can take your children in this state just because they want to and it can take you months to get custody of them again. Also, in this state, I have learned, you are guilty untill proven inosent. This scares me about going to trial Oct. 15. Please pray for me.
And pray for these people that are doing this to us. They are only doing this out of ignorance and because they care about my wife. I am trying not to be angry, but I just think they should be on their knees in prayer instead of destroying my family. Maybe it is God's will that we stay apart for a longer period of time, but now I will not see my children For another month. This is making me hurt in a different way than any other. It is very hurtful to my children, I had to explain to my oldest daughter that I was not abandoning her, that we would all be back together, and that I will always be her daddy, they are stressed, cranky, sad, scared.
I do have good news, though. We found a counsellor for all of us that we can afford. We all have appointments next week, even my children. The D H S investigator said it would help our case if we could get a counsellor to say there was no emotional or physical abuse in the home. I know that will go well. Our children are normally very happy and high spirited. They are gifts from God and most of the time they know it and show it.(spoiled) I should have gone" to vent" because I forgot where all of this was going, but I do feel better. I should realize God is on our side. He has brought us safely through so much already and has taught us both so much through it all. I feel bad about my lack of faith every time he shows us a miracle and I have worried and been impatient, but when it comes to our children we can't help but worry.
I want someone to come into my body and take over until all of this is over, but I know that can't happen. I know I have to be patient, strong, and courageous.
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Post by Sexlessw on Sept 15, 2008 10:21:39 GMT -8
GodsGuy:
What the heck kind of church do you belong to?
Gosh this is some terrible stuff - I don't know what to say.
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