Post by fallingapart on Sept 6, 2008 17:04:17 GMT -8
Hi, I am new to this site. All I know is that I am helpless and falling apart. I just recently got out of a 5 year on and off relationship and a unhealthy one at that. But for some reason, I feel like I cannot live without my ex. I feel empty inside and everyday I contemplate suicide. I just don't want to feel anymore. I really need help and I don't know what else to do. I will do anything to be happy and able to live my life without him in it. Please help me
Suicide is not an answer. You CAN live without this man.....you just need the tools to learn how. You are a love addict and you have taken the RIGHT step by coming here!! Be patient with yourself. Cry and grieve when you need to, but understand that the pain WILL GO AWAY. Keep reading and posting and this WILL get better.
Sometimes it's hard to hear that suicide is not the answer. I do not know what religion you practice, but in buddhism, suicide is definitely NOT the answer because of reincarnation. You end up coming back in a different body with the same set of problems to solve! Over and over again. Eek. Little humor there, but in all seriousness, it's a way to help you to start to think of different options. Imagine being given the same problem over and over throughout eternity until you solve it. That's what this life is about, fallingapart. Be VERY PATIENT with yourself. Be COMPASSIONATE with yourself. You WILL heal. You will feel better. And when you do, promise yourself you will not see suicide as an option. Pasting wings made of feathers onto your arms is not an option. You will never fly. Trick yourself into believing suicide is one of those things that just cannot be.
What do you think of that? Tell us more about yourself. I'd like to know!
Last Edit: Sept 7, 2008 14:04:39 GMT -8 by LovelyJune
Post by sobrietythirst on Sept 7, 2008 9:41:54 GMT -8
Hi fallingapart, I recently just posted something along the same lines. I looked at all I hadn't achieved. Who'd left me...? What I didn't have. But I am learning to understand that is the past. There have been many other things that have fallen behind that I am so much better without. Is this your first POA. And even though I am not confident in my future...I have survived some mighty terrible things. And that says something about my strength--even when I don't see it. You said you'll do anything to be happy... What things do you enjoy? What people, animals..activities..make you happy? Once you think about those things..that centeredness around your POA will gain some perspective. I've been here...nothing happens overnight---baby steps. Hold on, sobrietythirst
"Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings." Elizabeth Gilbert
We've all been through it. WORST pain I've ever experienced. Wanted to drive into a telephone pole. Was afriad to go to sleep because I'd have to wake up with the pain. It's just AWFUL.
BUT IT WILL PASS!!! Word of advice? Don't keep focusing on having to be happy right away. That may sound blasphemus(sic) - but give yourself the time and room to feel sad, bad, angry, afraid, etc. Feel the feelings, cry your heart out, punch some pillows.... But KEEP POSTING ON THIS SITE!!!!
Are you familiar with 12 step programs? Get some AA literature.
There are some great books on love addiction. Reading them helped me enormously. If nothing else it takes up time while your heart heals.
Stay in the moment. Do the next thing. Wash the dishes. Brush your teeth. Call a friend. Watch TV.
It will hurt. It will abate. It will hurt again. It will abate again.
Sooner or later it will even out. In the meantime, be good to yourself and keep posting!