Post by latrommi on Dec 30, 2008 1:02:46 GMT -8
I am not feeling suicidal today, but I have felt it in the recent past. On Christmas Day, I felt compelled to write the following:
The Ultimate Hide
The ultimate hide is something that I have long sought. I have always wanted to hide away from the troubles of the world or from my own troubles. I would hide using food, mainly ice cream (chocolate is always preferred). I would hide using the classic hiding “place”…denial. I would like to hide in someone arms and have them make the world go away, but I know that cannot be done (although it does make the world go away for a little while). However, the ultimate hide has always eluded me.
When things get really “bad”, I find myself thinking of ending it all. I know that I want the pain to go away. I know I want all of the troubles to disappear. What better for everything to do that, than to just die? Well, somehow, while I was trying to figure out why I always go to this extreme, it hit me. This is the ultimate hide that I have been searching for such a long time. What better hide can there be, than to end it all and not have to worry about anything?
It seems so simple, but it is not that simple. I have learned (the hard way) that you cannot hide from everything. You have to face them, sooner or later. Consequently, while suicide may be the ultimate hide in this life, you will still have to face the troubles in the next life (whatever “life” that may be).
While I do not like facing my troubles (they are too painful), I know I will eventually have to do so. I just have to remember to take things step-by-step, day-by-day, hour-by-hour. In the end, I will be OK.
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I don't know if this will help anyone else, but it sure has helped me some. Knowing that suicide is just another one of my avoidance techniques makes it less powerful.
So, if you are like me, and find that suicide is also just an avoidance technique....then at least you will have some sort of "weapon" against it....knowledge.
The Ultimate Hide
The ultimate hide is something that I have long sought. I have always wanted to hide away from the troubles of the world or from my own troubles. I would hide using food, mainly ice cream (chocolate is always preferred). I would hide using the classic hiding “place”…denial. I would like to hide in someone arms and have them make the world go away, but I know that cannot be done (although it does make the world go away for a little while). However, the ultimate hide has always eluded me.
When things get really “bad”, I find myself thinking of ending it all. I know that I want the pain to go away. I know I want all of the troubles to disappear. What better for everything to do that, than to just die? Well, somehow, while I was trying to figure out why I always go to this extreme, it hit me. This is the ultimate hide that I have been searching for such a long time. What better hide can there be, than to end it all and not have to worry about anything?
It seems so simple, but it is not that simple. I have learned (the hard way) that you cannot hide from everything. You have to face them, sooner or later. Consequently, while suicide may be the ultimate hide in this life, you will still have to face the troubles in the next life (whatever “life” that may be).
While I do not like facing my troubles (they are too painful), I know I will eventually have to do so. I just have to remember to take things step-by-step, day-by-day, hour-by-hour. In the end, I will be OK.
----------------------------
I don't know if this will help anyone else, but it sure has helped me some. Knowing that suicide is just another one of my avoidance techniques makes it less powerful.
So, if you are like me, and find that suicide is also just an avoidance technique....then at least you will have some sort of "weapon" against it....knowledge.
