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Post by thesunshine21 on Jan 20, 2009 13:22:48 GMT -8
 I was doing so well and out of the blue.. I mailed. looked at pics. now I am sick. just sick. pretty sure I am just sick of breathing. |
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Post by viva on Jan 20, 2009 15:37:02 GMT -8
If nothing else, just breathe. Just breathe. Everything ultimately passes, even our worst days.
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Post by LovingGracefully on Jan 20, 2009 20:47:07 GMT -8
Sunshine...Re-read what you wrote: You were doing well then you went back to the drug...you looked at things that triggered you and did behaviors that hurt...like reaching out to him.
You were doing better when you physically prevented yourself from doing those things. You are hurting but you are here because you want help and you want to change. You need to change. You need to continue doing the things that prevented you from peeking back at your old life. You will only continue to make yourself toxic if you dabble in that behavior.
Someday, maybe, you might be able to go back and look without getting triggered...maybe you won't. But, you WERE doing better when you were taking care of yourself and keeping away from all of that old behavior.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
Recenter yourself and write some goals...just write out some short term goals of a day or a week for now. It's less overwhelming when you take it day by day.
You are absolutely not alone. We have your back. Let us know how you're doing. Tell us some ideas you have to prevent yourself from looking at all the pics, emails and contacting him. Have a plan and make a promise to yourself.
LovingGracefully.
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Post by judy on Jan 21, 2009 8:53:07 GMT -8
Hi sunshine - Remember that feelings aren 't facts. And feelings won't kill you. They FEEL like they will kill you - or they make you feel like you want to kill yourself - but THEY WILL PASS. They WILL pass.
So many of us have felt that pain and that utter hopelessness. I have been there. On my knees. Begging God to take the pain away.
If it were not for the 12 step programs and people in my life I could trust with that pain, I don't know what I would have done.
Just keep moving. Get all the books on love addiction you can. Sometimes I would go to a bookstore and gather a bunch of the books on love addiciton and just sit there and read.
Understanding helps. For me it was and is a relief to know that I am not alone. That other people go through this and come out the other side.
Keep posting. Don't give up.
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Post by thesunshine21 on Jan 21, 2009 10:35:30 GMT -8
Thanks to all of you. I don't know what came over me yesterday after feeling so good. It hit me out of the blue. I feel better today but still regret I gave in and mailed him. He did respond nicely but I know it just cant start again so its back to NC, more thought stopping and yes reading reading reading!
Bless you all
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Post by LovingGracefully on Jan 21, 2009 21:33:54 GMT -8
Good news, Sunshine.
Take these suicidal feelings seriously though. Also, remember that it didn't last...you waited it out and your thoughts and feelings did indeed change!
Remember that next time you're feeling pretty low. So many things effect how we feel for that particular day or that particular moment.
Even now I still get pretty scared when I feel that low or that bad...I keep thinking that it's going to stick or stay that way but it never does.
I don't want to keep dwelling on this but your post is a reminder of what a difference a day can make. It's important for all of us to remember that. Just waiting it out...ahhh, sounds so easy! When you're in the thick of it hours feel like months and days feel like years.
Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you are at least out of this hopeless feeling. It is a truly scary place to be.
Keep learning! Hang in there!
LovingGracefully
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Post by judy on Jan 22, 2009 10:45:10 GMT -8
Glad to hear you are feeling better, sunshine! The program works!
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I was doing so well and out of the blue.. I mailed. looked at pics. now I am sick. just sick. pretty sure I am just sick of breathing. 
