Hi I went to the STD clinic on Friday because my POA died of an overdose of heroin and tablets, I believe he was using with needles. And we twice had unprotected sex. When I went to the clinic I had all the tests and because he had bleeding gums and had a toothbrush (he hardly used) with ours my girls may need to be tested.
The terrible thing is we have to wait 4 months for the results of some of the tests. I don't know how I can go on knowing I have put my girls at risk.
I think I would be better away but am so scared how to do it.
Last Edit: Mar 22, 2009 8:46:16 GMT -8 by claire3264
Claire, I really feel for you. Not only are you grieving the loss of your POA, which can be devastating for a LA, you are also dealing with the potentially dire consequences of your addiction.
It's a horrible thing this LA that compels us to hurt those we love the most, and sets us up to lose the love we so desparately need.
I understand the desire to escape the shame and the pain. I once felt like I was unworthy of life and wanted to die. Then I realized that if I killed myself I would be causing even greater pain to those who loved me.
You will find your way through this dark place. I promise you there is a great life waiting for you Claire. It won't be easy, but there are a lot of people who will support you on this difficult leg of your journey. Just keep reaching out.
"Trust ourselves and we will know whom to trust. Trust ourselves and we will know what to do. When we feel we absolutely cannot trust ourselves, trust that God will guide us into truth." Melody Beattie
claire - the worst thing you could so right now, in terms of your girls, is to lose faith. Stay in the day. If your doctor suggests that the girls be tested - get them tested. I'm sure the clinic where you are going has experience with this kind of situation and will guide you through it.
Keep asking for help. Do not judge yourself! That will only lead to self pity and you cannot afford that right now. You need to be there for your own recovery and for your daughters. Tell yourself that once this is all over you will let yourself wallow in the self pity for five minutes. But right now you cannot.
I will keep you in my prayers. So many of us have risked our health and the health and well being of loved ones, claire, due to this addiction. That's how powerful it is. But as they big book of AA says "there is one more powerful, may you find him/her/it now".
Thanks so much for the advice but I find it really hard believe that in our addictions that no one has experienced what I am going through and just how they dealt with it. I guess I just have to have haul it out over the 3 months but my god this is one of the most difficult things I have ever done.
Please please in your addictions always take precautions!