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Post by claire3264 on Mar 22, 2009 8:45:33 GMT -8
Hi
I went to the STD clinic on Friday because my POA died of an overdose of heroin and tablets, I believe he was using with needles. And we twice had unprotected sex. When I went to the clinic I had all the tests and because he had bleeding gums and had a toothbrush (he hardly used) with ours my girls may need to be tested.
The terrible thing is we have to wait 4 months for the results of some of the tests. I don't know how I can go on knowing I have put my girls at risk.
I think I would be better away but am so scared how to do it.
Claire
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lulu
Full Member
Posts: 105
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Post by lulu on Mar 22, 2009 9:43:43 GMT -8
Hang in there Claire - I know your scared and have every right to be scared. Your girls need you - wait it out and try not to worry and beat yourself up so much. We are here for you and I will keep you in my prayers. Sometimes we worry too much. Will the fear and worry change what may or may not be? Take care of yourself and try to think positive thoughts.....I know it isn't easy - I tend to wallow in my fear and shame but I realize it doesn't change my situation. Take care  |
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Post by Victorious on Mar 24, 2009 5:32:11 GMT -8
Claire, I really feel for you. Not only are you grieving the loss of your POA, which can be devastating for a LA, you are also dealing with the potentially dire consequences of your addiction.
It's a horrible thing this LA that compels us to hurt those we love the most, and sets us up to lose the love we so desparately need.
I understand the desire to escape the shame and the pain. I once felt like I was unworthy of life and wanted to die. Then I realized that if I killed myself I would be causing even greater pain to those who loved me.
You will find your way through this dark place. I promise you there is a great life waiting for you Claire. It won't be easy, but there are a lot of people who will support you on this difficult leg of your journey. Just keep reaching out.
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Post by Judy on Mar 24, 2009 7:53:16 GMT -8
claire - the worst thing you could so right now, in terms of your girls, is to lose faith. Stay in the day. If your doctor suggests that the girls be tested - get them tested. I'm sure the clinic where you are going has experience with this kind of situation and will guide you through it.
Keep asking for help. Do not judge yourself! That will only lead to self pity and you cannot afford that right now. You need to be there for your own recovery and for your daughters. Tell yourself that once this is all over you will let yourself wallow in the self pity for five minutes. But right now you cannot.
I will keep you in my prayers. So many of us have risked our health and the health and well being of loved ones, claire, due to this addiction. That's how powerful it is. But as they big book of AA says "there is one more powerful, may you find him/her/it now".
Sending you good thoughts!
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Post by bluebird on Mar 25, 2009 22:45:26 GMT -8
hi claire,
it is what it is already. live your days. love your girls and live each precious day as if you had a choice in it all.
you do
be determined to live
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Post by claire3264 on May 4, 2009 8:13:45 GMT -8
Thanks so much for the advice but I find it really hard believe that in our addictions that no one has experienced what I am going through and just how they dealt with it. I guess I just have to have haul it out over the 3 months but my god this is one of the most difficult things I have ever done.
Please please in your addictions always take precautions!
Claire
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Post by frost on May 4, 2009 10:10:42 GMT -8
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Post by claire3264 on May 6, 2009 8:25:57 GMT -8
HI thanks so much for the web address but I can't register onto it for some reason really frustrating! Any ideas?
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Post by mandy5175 on May 6, 2009 13:02:06 GMT -8
I was wondering if you may need to establish a Yahoo password to get on the forum. Just a guess
Hang in there . . . and stay strong . . . you can do it!
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