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Post by looking4happiness on Sept 7, 2009 10:44:27 GMT -8
So glad to have found this message board. I keep reading that the only thing that really works is attending meetings, and I'm so frustrated that there are no meetings within 100 miles from my home.
I took 60 OTC sleeping pills. Was not a cry for help. Did not want to wake up. Just didn't want to exist anymore because life had become so painful and unbearable.
People without our issues would probably say "What? You tried to kill yourself over a guy?!" They wouldn't understand that coming down from my "high" of being with this man was such a steep fall.
I was married to a good guy for 9.5 years and this spring cheated on him with 2 separate guys. Still not sure why. I did get married at 19 and believe that maybe I was having an early "midlife crisis" missing the experimenting and freedom that I didn't have very long. My husband is 11 years older than me. My dad was an alcoholic and died from it. I believe I saw my husband as a father figure. One of the guys I cheated on him with turned into an affair and once separated from my husband a relationship. This guy is a cocaine addict and as soon as I was not married anymore he lost interest in me. I became co-dependent, and when he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, I knew it was for the best since the last few months were torture with the emotional ups and downs, but I was more than devastated.
I have never been as depressed as I was that day about 3 weeks ago. I just couldn't face life anymore. Fortunately I woke up in the middle of the night and threw up which seems to have saved my life. The next morning I woke up and felt o.k. so I just went to court (regarding restraining order I have in place against my husband) like nothing happenend. I finally had to tell my advocate and legal aid and they took me to the hospital as soon as the hearing was over. I had double vision and was dizzy. They rehydrated me at the hospital and sent me to the nuthouse for 5 days where I received no help really. It was a good distraction though.
I am now in follow up counseling which has not helped at all yet. I am glad to still be alive, but am starting to get scared again. The first two weeks I felt pretty optimistic. Now depression is trying to take over again. I don't ever want to get to that point again. At least now I know that I can check myself in if it gets that bad.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW WHO IS SUICIDAL: CHECK YOURSELF INTO THE HOSPITAL. YOU MIGHT NOT GET THE EXACT HELP YOU NEED AT FIRST BUT YOU WILL BE PROTECTED FROM YOURSELF AND WITH THE HELP OF THE STAFF AT THE PSYCH HOSPITAL YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT KIND OF HELP YOU DO NEED WHEN YOU GET OUT.
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Post by bushbiyu on Sept 8, 2009 6:47:10 GMT -8
Hello looking4happiness,
I wanted to reply to your post because it really struck a cord with me last night. When I came to these boards a little over a month ago I had tried to kill myself over my PoA, too. It wasn't a cry for help either. I really didn't want to live anymore. It had gotten that bad. I think what made me really scared was that this last time was not the first time. I had tried to kill myself over my ex-husband in 2006. I spent eight days in inpatient mental hospital. For three years I went on just to repeat the pattern with someone who at that time was a really good friend. I so wish that I had had these boards then.
After this last attempt, I only made it through three weeks of NC and gave up. Yesterday my PoA threatened me (again) with a restraining order and I felt the same, as I did before. I just wanted to lay down and die to end it all. I only felt that way for a short time, though. After about an hour I was able to get back up and come here and start working on recovery again.
You are so right when you say that going into a hospital is the best choice for immediate and temporary help. It can get you calm enough so that when you get out you can start a program or find some other kind of help. I love knowing that if things get that bad I know where to go and what to do.
But getting out is a different story. Out here it is not "safe" or controlled. Out here all the problems and feelings and sometimes even your PoA are waiting for you just to pick them back up again. So it has to start with you. The change has to come from within.
Be on these boards, post even if it feels silly, read everything even if you don't think it applies to you. And start the steps. It is not easy at all. Like I said before, just yesterday I felt some of what I felt that led me back into the hospital. My habit of going to my PoA and my inability to face the situation with my mother go the best of me. But each step you take to change those habits and rewire your thinking and finally allow yourself to heal does not get lost. Nothing you do here is in vain.
Your story could be mine. You are in my thoughts.
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Post by lotus on Sept 8, 2009 21:11:30 GMT -8
I glad you both are still here =) I'm looking forward to hearing about your progress.
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Post by glaciertraveler on Sept 9, 2009 7:09:00 GMT -8
Hello,
I have been suicidal over a POA in the past. I contemplated for an entire night how I would actually do it-went through the motions of which method would be best. I was in so much pain, I didn't want to live another minute. The only thing that kept me from going through it was thinking about the pain I would put my family through - my son, my sister, my parents. It was hard to come back from that brink, but I am also thankful that time because I realized it was my rock bottom.
This was the first time I understood the reality of love addiction and how it could destroy me. This was also when I realized that it wasn't about a guy...it was something that I could work on within myself with the help of my higher power, who I have depended upon ever since.
Looking back to those dark times, I am so glad that I lived to see another day and year. There have been many happy days, and I feel like I am healing - finally!
Please KNOW that there is hope. I see it every day on this board. You already have the strength to get help when these feelings surface. Tap into that strength and keep moving forward. You are not alone.
GlacierTraveler
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Post by looking4happiness on Sept 10, 2009 18:28:03 GMT -8
Thank you guys! It's so good to know I'm not alone. My mom arrived today. She flew in from Germany cause she is so worried about me. She wants me to come home, but I'm scared that I'd be just as depressed if not worse there.
Have had a bad couple days...just not strong enough to stay away from my ex-boyfriend. "Had to" contact him yesterday for something and we ended up talking on the phone and texting all evening until he finally said "Come see me". I'm proud to say that I didn't go see him, but it tore me apart. I asked him why he wanted me to come (to the restaurant where he works). I expected "I miss you" or something and didn't get anything nice or thoughtful like that of course. Told him I didn't think it would be a good idea and got "Fine." That made it even worse because I don't want to piss him of/hurt his feelings because I don't want to loose him - even though I already have...he didn't respond to any further texts. This morning I texted him that we should go back to NC and was hoping for him to "fight for me/respond that he needs me" but no response. This afternoon he finally texted "Don't be upset please" Maybe he "knows" that I tried to kill myself over him even though I told him otherwise. Guess he doesn't want that on his conscience. Who knows. Intellectually I've known for so long that I need to stay away from him. Am going to have to resist texting him. But emotionally I just don't want to be without him. I hate this addiction.
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Post by glaciertraveler on Sept 10, 2009 20:28:24 GMT -8
Hello,
The pain may seem unbearable, but it's not. You can do this. You can heal. It can make your life so much better.
I am glad that your mother is there.
Please let us know what is happening. Many of us have been where you are and we are here for you.
GT
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Post by richardv on Oct 2, 2009 21:36:52 GMT -8
Hi,
After having not asked out any women for a month I asked out three this week. A) turned out to be married (no ring), B) had told me she was divorced and when I asked her to get together for Coffee-she said she wasn't looking for a relationship and C) who I really thought was the cutest and in my fantasy (which seemed so real) I thought she was interested in me, when I asked for her phone number and suggested coffee or lunch she said "we could still be friends"...Yes you rejected me and I went home and cried intensely for two-three hours...but let's 'hang out'?...when I combine this week with 30 other women that have rejected me in the last year I can't help but feel unlovable and when I remember that I have not even had ONE DATE in 12 years ...it feels hopless and painful...Wednesday I sat in my car in my garage for 30 minutes hoping to kill the unbearable pain and loneliness once and for all...I got a really bad headache and have been depressed since but feel a tiny bit better after sharing about it at a meeting tonight...I'm feeling hateful and resentful toward all women that I find attractive and i am sick of flirting even though I used to feel it was the only thing that made me feel alive...I'm scared, I'm lonely...
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Post by Angel on Oct 3, 2009 2:33:32 GMT -8
Dear Richardv
I can feel your pain. I kept coming across the same situation over and over again with different men. For a while I thought I was cursed but then I realised that the pain that was in my heart was obvious to everyone but me. I guess it came to a crunch three months ago when I thought I had met my soulmate. He wasn't, he was just another jerk like the rest. I came crashing to the ground when I realised that I needed to get 'centred' and heal myself.
I know what it is like to be lonely and in pain and fear whether you will ever find someone. I am doing it on the female side and have given up dating for at least another three months. My sponsor suggested six months in total and I am halfway through but there is no real time limit for me.
Last night I sat with a guy friend I haven't known for long in a bar and admitted that men 'scare' me and that I am terrified of relationships. He told me what it was like to approach women and I can see how hard it is for you. I started to do a relationships course I found online and basically it told me that you have to get happy in yourself before you can enter a relationship. I really agree with this. I find I get all nervous and jittery and rush the sex before the relationship is ready for it because I am anxious and worried.
I have a friend, R and he is very similar to you. He is very depressed and says that his lack of luck with the ladies is because he is overweight. But it isn't! I saw a guy the other day who was twice the size of R and he had a little Chinese girl with him as his gf. R just doesn't see that his depression is what drives women away. I really care about him but I also am reluctant to spend too much time with him cos he is toxic to my happiness. Tonight I will see him and I will make a big effort to get him to look on the positive side. Maybe even join OE or this forum and give him some positive boost. But when it comes down to it he has to help himself get happy and it isn't about whether you are or are not with a person. It is about how attractive you are inside.
The guy I sat with last night was lots of fun and is very intelligent. He is too young for me and it is apparent that he is an alcholic but he has a great positive personality (could be the alcohol too LOL) and that is what makes him attractive. I tend towards tall and muscular guys but he is attractive to me because of his personality.
I really don't know how else to support you in this but I can really relate to your pain. Hang in there!
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Post by richardv on Oct 3, 2009 18:38:13 GMT -8
so mabybe I should go to the Gym and build more muscle mass? oh that's right I can't afford it and I hate Gyms... I run and go for walks and am in very good shape...I can't stand it every song on the radio is about 'love' and relationships and movies make relationships look so easy to get into...I wanted to die again today but instead talked with new comers at an AA meeting and that distracted me for a little while
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Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 3, 2009 22:38:42 GMT -8
I used to sleep with a full bottle of hydrocodone every night. I was that serious. Then my partner killed herself and I realized how much it hurts those left behind. Try to hang in there. You are in my prayers.
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Post by iamenough on Oct 4, 2009 15:07:46 GMT -8
so mabybe I should go to the Gym and build more muscle mass? oh that's right I can't afford it and I hate Gyms... I run and go for walks and am in very good shape...I can't stand it every song on the radio is about 'love' and relationships and movies make relationships look so easy to get into...I wanted to die again today but instead talked with new comers at an AA meeting and that distracted me for a little while I love walks & dont run & do some excersices at home. good shape is good enough. I always thought that I cant feel attracted to a fat man as a man, but as a person I could. and once I saw a fat man with his friends and for the first time I felt very attracted to him - his smile & the whole radiation was so good. anyway: I live alone in a foreign country. I have little means for anything (free lance artist, disability pension), including bars which are not my priority anyway. my priority is further education, travelling, learning to ride a motoroller & having one (o! I love to have the one with 3 or 4 wheels!! my gosh! GOD! will you, please, make me a present of this toy & money for making the license, please???!!! thank you in advance!!!!!!   ) etc. and still no money for it...  yet at least. it was enriching to read your sharing since you are a man. i had many stories in my life but they did not last. now I am not getting younger & had thought already if I will meet "my partner" at all any more. I do not participate in websites for partnership. I learn to learn to be glad in life wehter or not I find a love relationship. not always easy. I noticed that the body-part of me, O NO! NOT ONLY - I realised just writing it here now! > also the soul-part of me wishes touch and caressing and tenderness and even erotics. This makes it difiicalt. Because I dont know where to get it. I do hug people I know at times, mainly women. There are not many, by far not every day. yet I know for sure that I am VERY WILLING TO GO FURTHER on the road of learning to be happy & content with or without a love partner. because if I dont learn > no chance to be happy! 1 - what if this wont happen anymore? 2 - what if THIS DO HAPPEN? I DO MEET my love partner? well, then if I have learned to be happy without > all the reason to be happy ever after, right?! ;D because I will enjoy my life anyway, I will radiate it, the man will see & feel it, I WILL BE FREE!!!! and not dependent, not obsessive. SO Richard! YOU ARE ALREADY MUCH LUCKIER, LOOK - YOU VE GOT YOUR MEETING (AA), you have newcomers to talk to and feel how necessary you are, you live in your country where you talk your language etc. let us look for the good (dont mean to deny the un-good). it hepls me to learn to love myself FIRST (the priority of all the 12 step programms and all the recovery anyway!) and each night before sleeping to think of 10 things what I am greatfull for. just for the starter, ok? my last tragedy happened 2 years ago - stil, much betternow though, recovering... you are not alone, Richard!!! |
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Post by iamenough on Oct 4, 2009 15:15:52 GMT -8
looking4happiness & girls & Richard! I know the feeling! I many times for many years did not want to live. I was scared of real thing & wished to dissolve. that only saved me here! you will get over it!!!! write and read here for now, it helped me. learning to pray helps me too. talking sweet words to myself also helps me. if I had a mother who could come to comfort me AND who I would like to come to do that AND who were able to - O! what a blessing that were!.... but mine is in her country and I dont feel like contacting her. although I am still times amd again in pain to to tell her in person about all what she did to me ....
the pain about men was feeling like unbearable, it even was. yet I realized it comes originally from the other place/time. repeating it to myself also helped a bit. so , we are up and after THIS place/time > in order to heal!
I pray for you tonight!!!! we are not alone! what blessing. thank you to those who started this board. thank you. and to all of us participating.
WE
ARE
WORTH$$$$$$$$$$$$
IT !!!
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Post by Angel on Oct 4, 2009 19:28:40 GMT -8
Richard and girls,
I went to the mountains yesterday with my friend R and we sat and talked. I discovered that he is an LAA for sure. He is currently involved with an emotionally unavailable divorced woman. He is ambivilent like me. He has started to make some changes and I think that often when we surround ourselves with people who are working on themselves for positive reasons it rubs off. He is looking sexier and happier and although he tried to use the excuse of his weight again for saying why he is still single, I pointed out how many of our friends who had less than perfect bodies but loving relationships. He admitted that he is using it to excuse his fears. We sat and talked and I was pleased cos in being honest about where I was in my recovery he felt safe to explore his own fears.
It is funny how MANY of my other friends are in toxic relationships or are LAA or SLAA. Perhaps China attracts these people, perhaps we are more likely to run to another country to try and hide our problems. I am looking around and seeing the other half of my friends in highly dysfunctional relationships or suffering like me with ambivilence.
I just want to point out too. My POA was tall and handsome and muscular and very much like my father. I realise that that sort of man is my trigger for a LAA addiction. It is now so obvious to me. It doesn't make them better than others, it is just that we often are attracted to and attract similar types.
Richard, investing in our physical side is investing in ourselves. A skipping rope doesn't cost much and pushups just need the floor! It is about honoring oneself. I remember a black teacher here who couldn't afford the gym fees and he instead had a routine of walking everywhere, dancing when he could, doing daily pushups and sit ups and walking up stairs instead of using the elevators. He had a fabulous body and looked about 30 when he was 50+
I get such a positive high when I exercise that it helps me deal with life much better. I think that if we have a healthy body we show the world that we respect ourselves enough to treat our body kindly and properly. Other external indicators are a ; smile, clean and tidy hair and clothing etc,.
We deserve to be good to ourselves
Fortunately, I have found my way to have recovery. I am feeling much better and more accepting of my frailities
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Post by richardv on Oct 7, 2009 18:13:02 GMT -8
Thank You Susan, China Angel and iamenough for your thoughts and prayers,
I believe at age 8 (a year after my Mom died) was when my Fantasy was born that being with a Girlfriend would take away my loneliness and make me happy. I had an obsession with a cousin that lasted years. In my teens and twenties I had many relationships (some weeks, some months, and the one with my future ex-wife-10 years) and most of them ended when I was too needy and emotional.
Since my latest period of recovery (11 months) my life has been on opposite poles. After changing my eating patterns, exercising, quitting drinking and losing 30 pounds I began to feel much better about myself again and more confident looking for women. When I'm in my outgoing flirtatious mood, I feel happy, healthy, optimistic and grateful for my recovery. What usually happens is my eyes meet an attractive woman's and we talk and it feels to me that we are sharing intimacy. Then I Fantasize about this woman until I have an opportunity to talk to her again and after a few times I'll either give her a compliment, ask her out or for her phone number. 100% of the time I am rejected and I usually get depressed and suicidal.
This has happened 33 times in 11 months! Every few weeks for the last few months I set "Flirting" and Asking Out women as "Bottom Line" behaviors to Stop. But after a time of feeling very depressed and suicidal I always went back to Flirting and ultimately more Rejections. Since writing a First Step on these behaviors it is clear that I am Powerless over this behavior and that it leads to painful rejection everytime and ever deeper pain and hopelessness.
So here I am again having not Flirted in over a week and I am absolutely miserable, depressed and feel hopeless. d**ned if i do, d**ned if i don't.
I have read and heard from others that until I'm Happy and love myself I won't be able to love others and others won't love me.
Intellectually I've understood this for months. But I feel miserable BECAUSE I Am LONELY! I want nothing more than to put my arms around a woman, look into her eyes, hold her and go off and experience life with her and share everything without changing my recovery. I honestly can't imagine being happy alone...it's been 12 1/2 mostly miserable years already since my Divorce.
Suicide is in the back of my mind everyday. The "Higher Power" I've heard others say that 'loves them'-I just don't feel it! I pray every morning because I did the first 3 Steps and quit asking questions. Occasionally a prayer will allow me to accept others more easily. Once in a great while Meditation will make me feel at peace for a short time. I've been doing this for months and have started on my Amends in AA...but i honestly am not conscious of a 'Higher power' Loving me so that I can say I will be Happy being Alone for the rest of my life (my reality...to think otherwise is insanity.)
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Post by Angel on Oct 7, 2009 21:30:52 GMT -8
Dear Richard,
I know how you are feeling. Trust me when I say that myself and other LA's here on the site have experienced and are experiencing the same sort of fears and feelings. I actually see it in the guys I attract cos they are the flip side of me and their insecurities usually come out and that is when they pull away!
I really don't know what else to say except that I tried doing the steps for a long time and made no real progress cos I couldn't really accept the first one. Once I joined this site however it all made sense. Now I am having to 'take it easy' cos I am pushing for recovery faster cos I feel the same loneliness that you do.
I just wrote to a friend that; "I have been learning a lot of things in LAA and now know how unhealthy both of us are. I need time to heal. I cannot rush this. I was hurt deeply as a child and it affected me in unusual ways. I form intense bonds with unworthy people and neglect those who truely love me. I need time to sort this out. "
It is true and it is a catch 22 situation where we want to rush it but in rushing it we make it worse.
I want to focus on the things that are good in my life, my friends and family and fixing up my business. I am not interested in flirting, it isn't a priority nor is meeting new people anymore! I just want recovery!
Hope that helps
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Post by startanew on Oct 8, 2009 2:17:13 GMT -8
I believe at age 8 (a year after my Mom died) was when my Fantasy was born that being with a Girlfriend would take away my loneliness and make me happy. I realized recently that I'm chasing a fantasy and have been for my whole adult life. It's no wonder you've done it, losing your mom at such a young age. That small boy inside you is crying out to be saved, as is the small girl inside me. Another adult cannot save us. We can't have parental love now. Only we can save us, once we let God, a Higher Power, the Universe, whatever we feel is right for us, take away the fear and desperation. It will take a while, I believe. It won't happen overnight. But one day, Richard, if you work at loving yourself and knowing that you are loved simply by virtue of being alive on this planet, I think you will be okay. I am believing it for me now and I was suicidal for a long time. Everybody on this board is on your side. Don't feel alone and don't think that you need the love of a woman to make your life right. You are perfect as you are and when you realize that you won't need a woman's love. It will just be the 'extras' on top of a happy life. I'm telling myself as much as I'm telling you. I thought forever that a man was the answer. I am the answer, if I work WITH the Universe or God or however you see your higher power. |
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Post by Angel on Oct 8, 2009 2:23:21 GMT -8
I totally agree with startanew!
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Post by richardv on Oct 10, 2009 23:21:26 GMT -8
hi,
I increased my anti-depressant meds and felt a little better for a couple of days...after my meeting tonight I ignored my own parenting voice ("don't flirt, don't flirt") and talked with a woman who, like me, does a service commitment there and I really liked talking to her again...I'm having to pray to not obsess and fantasize about her but at least I feel ALIVE again instead of utterly hopeless...what's different about her is I didn't feel physically attracted to her until after I saw and heard her speak week after week...please, this has to be progress...I really have not objectified women in a while...but, will Rejection ever get easier to handle?
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Post by iamenough on Oct 11, 2009 6:43:10 GMT -8
I know the feelings from my own experience. Richard if you like you can read my step 2 q 2 reply about H.P. thing. in app. 17 years of experience with 12 steps on and off I had 2 revelations that have changed smth in me strongly: 1 - for a very short time I had a sponsor living in Germany so we could just call every second week yet! she told me IN A WAY THAT COULD REACHED MY SOUL that the MAIN THING IN RECOVERY IS... to learn to love myself... heard it x-times before. but the way she told it reached me. so i began anew. FAKE IT UNTIL I MAKE IT! Richard. the same thing with a concept of H.P. loving me - no feeling, but using the power OF POSITIVE THOUGHT AND WORD: repeating and repeating and repeating to myself. Saying to yourself in the mirror - you know this tool. keep doing no matter what!!! and whatever way you find useful. MY MOTHER damaged me - she did not die physically. so also AT 8 I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY ADULT PING-pong trainer... see... 2 - once an AA member who I asked to be my sponsor promised me to and we made a short first conversation (let me tell you that soon after she said she has no time and quit BUT the first talk!...) - she told me after I again shared HOW LONELY IA M AND FEEL (and that was and is a reality till now - I have no friends only acquaintances): make again the first step, think of what all you are powerless over and!... the revolution! > I realized I am powerless over HAVING FRIENDS TOO! I can do all I can AND EVEN be good! YET: I cant force it to HAVE friends. you cant imagine HOW BIG OF RELEASE that was for me! I realized innerly that ITS NOT ME WHO IS "GUILTY" OF not having friends (or a man in my life!!!!!) AND its NOT ME WHO IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH for this. It just is. Point. I AM POWERLESS OVER OTHER PEOPLE . great. not guilty. not "not good". just. also again and again have a feeling of being with "my man". yet it becomes less strong, more rare. I AM LEARNING TO LIVE AND FEEL GOOD whether or not... the only thing that I still do again and again is OVEREATING LATE IN THE EVENING... this still is here. on and off. I know this is also not the healthiest thing... yet till now I was YET unable to conquer it totally. BUT is getting better - more rare too. THE MORE content and good I feel about myself - the rarer the urge to overeat. till have caught me though from time to time, like 2 last days. OK, Richard, carry on. I will again mention you in my clumsy prayers whenever I pray - did not do in words in the last 2 days. I catch up now. FAKE IT UNTIL I MAKE IT |
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Post by richardv on Oct 12, 2009 20:32:40 GMT -8
Thank You startanew and iamenough...beautiful thoughts
I too don't have any close freinds but don't feel too alone because I go to 5-6 meetings a week, have two sponsors and make program calls (not enough)
Tonight two young women sat on each side of me at my class...I wish I could have hugged them...instead I was honest about my feelings around getting ReJected (it was a therapy/class)
I'm feeling really sad and lonely tonight but have no thoughts of giving up and am so grateful for everyone that shares here.
I'm praying to let go of the resentment I have toward the last young woman to turn me down. I'm avoiding her for now.
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Post by iamenough on Oct 14, 2009 4:48:44 GMT -8
Lucky you, Richard! appreciate that!
here there is NO POSSIBILITY TO:
go to as many meetings per week
find a sponsor (am soon on & off smth 17 years in the 12 steps & had 2 sponsors for a couple of weeks each BY INTERNET!... thats it
make programm calls . . . that is more then enough for them to stay very distant only AAs here do call, it seems somewhat, yet I am another programm so they refuse
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Post by richardv on Oct 17, 2009 21:32:51 GMT -8
After flirting with a woman I like at an AA meeting a week ago it felt like I finally came out of my depression...after a couple days back in my flirting it was again clear that my thinking that many woman were actually interested in me was pure Fantasy...I saw a woman I had asked out for coffee two months ago (and ofcourse who turned me down)who had carefully avoided me at work-she came in at 6:30 knowing I usually don't start until 7;00...I made little eye contact and just said "thank you and have a nice weekend." Back in my depression I got stressed out at work and had a rage attack...
tonight I was determined to ask out the woman at the AA meeting and OFCOURSE GOD had other plans as I had absolutely no opportunity to do so (kids that are never present were in the entrance room as I followed her out and then a group from the meeting outside who she immediately talked to...)
I made a twenty minute suicide attempt in my garage with my engine running and stayed there another half hour...too depressed to move...
I've increased the dosage of my Anti-Depressants to no avail...I feel hopeless...
I desperately want a Girlfriend to take me out of my intense loneliness and my thoughts of being a LOSER...
but of course NO WOMAN will go out with me because I'm not happy because I'm Lonely...
and I'm Lonely because I have not had ONE DATE in 12 1/2 Years and Feel like a LOSER
Now, even my 14 year old daughter has a BOYFRIEND!!!
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Post by lotus on Oct 17, 2009 22:09:27 GMT -8
You're not a loser. I think you recognize that it is your issues that drive women away, not because there is anything inherently wrong with you. Find a way to work on the those issues and be healthy for YOURSELF. I'm a big proponent of self-help. I've learned so much just reading self-help books, going to therapy, working the steps. I'm very happy with the person I am becoming.
Please, if you are really struggling and suicidal, reach out to those people in your life...I can really see a seed of growth in you and think you can learn a lot and find happiness if you stay alive.
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Post by Angel on Oct 18, 2009 10:23:32 GMT -8
Hang in there richard you are worth it!
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yet at least.