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Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 10, 2008 13:55:04 GMT -8
There are two types of Relationship Addicts . . .
Relationship Addicts
Type one are RAs who are no longer in love with their partners but they cannot let go. Usually, they are so unhappy that the relationship is usually affecting their health, spirit and emotional well being. Even if their partner batters them, and they are in danger, they cannot let go. They are afraid of being alone. They are afraid of change. They do not want to hurt or abandon their partners. This can be described as “I hate you don’t leave me.”
Type two are RAs who are addicted to a relationship with a friend, sibling, parent, child, relative, or anyone with whom they have never had romantic feelings.
I would like someone to start a new thread for each type of addiction. One for partners, one for children, one for friends, one for parents, and one for siblings or other relatives.
Signs to look out for.
You are too dependent on this person (financially or emotionally).
You do not know where you leave off and they begin.
You hang out with them too much.
You cannot make decisions without their input.
This person comes first. You always do what they say to do. You give in to them.
You doubt your own decisions.
Your needs are less important than the needs of this person.
When you are not in contact you go into withdrawal.
You have overwhelming compulsion to contact them even when you are living your own life.
You always want to make sure they are ok.
Everyone has told you the relationship is unhealthy but you keep hanging on.
At the later stages of the addiction to can't stand this person but you can't let them go either. You feel relief initially when they are not around but then panic and want to make contact for no explainable reason.
This is just a brief list of things to look for. In most of these relationships both people are addicted but only only one person shows it until things get bad. A narcissistic friend will go nuts if a love addict gets into recovery and wants to move on.
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Post by smbeets on Aug 14, 2008 3:16:59 GMT -8
Thank You Susan, for describing this in a plain way. This happened to me with my first sponsor in early recovery. We were both to sick to know it though. One day I just finally snapped!. She came over my house late one evening all paranoid, thinking that I had been seeing the married man that she had been seeing. I about snapped!!! I had listed to all the pining and woes over this married man for about ten years and now she thinks I want his a#% too. I ended our friendship right then and there. We were able to make amends a few years back. Now I know what was going on, or what it is called.
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gordana
Full Member
Newcomers Greeter
Posts: 189
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Post by gordana on May 15, 2010 16:51:05 GMT -8
I wonder if i am addicted to my children. they are 18 years old. brother and sister twins. i do not know how to have a relationship with them now that they are adults.. i do not like their behavior .they go to bars, drink come home late, and i do not know how to deal with this. my daughter spent the nite with 3 male friends, so she said, in a hotel last nite. after i told her that i expected her to be home by 2:30. she told me she was not going to do that and that was that. it really bothered me, and i believe it is wrong. i do not care that she is 18.
I called their father whom i have been divorced from for 11 years now. sometimes we talk about things and the kids. he believes the same as i do.
i would like some feedback from people who have gone through this .
to share our experiences and learn from each other
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darkangels3251
Junior Member
No Contact for one year-bring it on!
Posts: 78
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Post by darkangels3251 on Jun 23, 2011 16:13:49 GMT -8
I don't know where I stand in this, but I also have a friend of mine, who first was just a simple coworker, but as we got to know each other more and more, I felt at times that I needed to hang out with more often and to spend time with her even at work. When she is not scheduled on the shifts that I'am doing, then I feel that work is like a drag, and that I need her emotional input to make me feel happy....I depended on her until when my recent ex boyfriend came along and I got attached to him for a while, then we broke up, and now she's in my mind...sometimes I wonder if I'am changing myself just to be accepted by people like going through therapy, or if I'am intrinsically changing myself for my inner peace....I feel more of the former, but I need to make it into the latter....so confused :/
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Post by freetolive on Jun 23, 2011 16:20:44 GMT -8
Yep. Sounds like me.
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Post by overcomer on Jun 24, 2011 3:12:51 GMT -8
darkangels3251: I can relate! My POA was a former best friend of mine. Better to CUT IT OUT before it gets any further. It is totally sick and destructive!
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Post by Desert Flower on Jul 26, 2013 22:03:39 GMT -8
I am letting go of a very enmeshed online "friendship" with a man/sponsor. I know now it was a mistake, but he has been such a part of my recovery and now a huge source of pain. I finally stopped communicating with him, but i keep going back to facebook and the recovery site to see what he is doing and of course he is being the friendly seductive person he always has been, and it is painful to see. A friend called it pain shopping. I am just leaving a week long workshop at The Meadows. It focused on childhood trauma and the origins of this problem with relationship addiction. I feel like I have so much work to do. To focus on myself and my inner children parts. I am wondering how you all have found recovery, and how you got through the painful withdrawals, and abandonment pain? Looking for friends in recovery.
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Post by loveanimals on Jul 26, 2013 22:55:19 GMT -8
Welcome Kim!
Please feel free to share your story on the Welcome NEWCOMERS board.
I'm sure you'll find a wealth of information on this site.
This site helped me through the painful withdrawals.....!
You're right, checking up on our past POAs is pain shopping!
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lostgirl73
New Member
Get up and try try try was my motto but now my motto is STOP TRYING, JUST STOP, and heal
Posts: 44 
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Post by lostgirl73 on Jan 26, 2014 18:53:44 GMT -8
Signs to look out for. - uhoh.....keeping my mom alive was my job as a child. I didn't want to go to kindergarten as I said to my mom "mommy, I am scared you wont be okay without me all day". to this day she thinks this is cute but after helping her dress, doing her hair, making her tea, rubbing her back and feet, telling her she will be okay, she is wonderful, beautiful, whatever she needed to hear and stopping her from killing herself it is hard not to stay in contact and make sure she is okay but too many of the items on this list fit our life together. You are too dependent on this person (financially or emotionally).- I have to check in often or I get panic attacks. when my life falls apart from my love addiction she is always there wanting me, needing me back at home and now as a single mom with no child support I do rely on her financially. I often feel trapped by this relationship as I often give up myself in this relationship as I get scared something bad will happen to my mom if I don't give in, give up myself, please her. You do not know where you leave off and they begin. - yup, enmeshed all through life. You hang out with them too much.- I use to but since I have disagreed, said no and set some boundaries she has abandoned me for other people who 'love her better'. You cannot make decisions without their input. - I use to be like this, I have to rely on her as single mom now, but I fight for my own decisions, unless I get scared for her mental health and back down or give in but more and more we live separate lives, she consumes way too much space inside of me however, even if on the surface it looks like I have separated my life. This person comes first. You always do what they say to do. You give in to them.- I use to and I still give in when I get scared now. I am getting better but a long, long ways to go as I still feel if my mom killed herself I would hold myself responsible for not being there for her. I have guilt about this every day (unless I am in active addiction focusing on another love interest, this is another reason why withdrawal is sooo painful for me) You doubt your own decisions. - always, I learned growing up that my mom is like jesus, very special and has special insight and if I do not agree I am always wrong. Your needs are less important than the needs of this person. - have been. if not my mom, then less important then my lover, this transfers over. When you are not in contact you go into withdrawal.- I do, I get chest pains, panic attacks, fear that she is not ok, if she is ok without me with her friends and others, I get jealous, hurt and I feel suicidal like my life doesn't matter. You have overwhelming compulsion to contact them even when you are living your own life.- yup You always want to make sure they are ok.- yup Everyone has told you the relationship is unhealthy but you keep hanging on. -yup At the later stages of the addiction to can't stand this person but you can't let them go either. You feel relief initially when they are not around but then panic and want to make contact for no explainable reason.- yup Read more: loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/thread/5092/definition-relationship-addict#ixzz2rYyU7735 |
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fufill123
New Member
enrage and depressed
Posts: 6
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Post by fufill123 on Mar 19, 2015 19:28:36 GMT -8
Unfortunately I am definately a relationship addict has been with my father since the very beginning and later on with men
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Post by CodepNomore on Mar 20, 2015 3:16:23 GMT -8
Welcome fufill123, I was also a relationship addict; having depended on my dad and countless of boyfriends and girl friends. However for many years now, I have been very happy and fulfilled to be with myself. I love being "me" and being with me. So there is hope for you for a better life after any relationship and/or addiction. You can heal and recover. It would help to have recovery goals and action plan aside from joining a supportive community like this. Hope you find what works best for you. |
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