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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 4, 2008 16:52:10 GMT -8
In LAA, recovery is a state in which you are able to love yourself as much as you love others. You are guided by a power greater than yourself who knows what is best for you. You are growing and changing. Love is a want not a need. Romantic love enhances your life but does not determine your self-worth. Most of the time you are serene and think clearly when it comes to relationships. Your behavior is sane and marked by emotional sobriety. You do not "love" too much. You do not "do" too much for others You do not chase after unavailable people. You do not put up with ambivalent people like narcissists or seductive withholders. You have researched healthy relationships so you know what your goals are. You stay close to people who are also in recovery in order to avoid relapse. You never take recovery for granted or become complacent. Love addiction is "cunning, baffling, and powerful." It lies in wait for us when we let our guard down. Above all else, you put your well being ahead of your romantic attachments. You understand that romantic love is not enough to sustain you. It is like a flower without roots. You need love and compatibility with someone who can reciprocate. Finally, you put an end to all triangles. Monogamy and recovery are synonymous. |
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Post by LovelyJune on Apr 8, 2008 13:14:54 GMT -8
This blows me away. And something i strive for every day.
Thank you Bgirl!
T
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chrissy
Junior Member
Newcomer Greeter
Posts: 75
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Post by chrissy on Apr 8, 2008 13:25:31 GMT -8
So true.
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Post by jonny on Apr 9, 2008 6:34:05 GMT -8
Butterflygirl .......That blows me away i love it xxxxxxxxxx
jonny xxx
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Post by brokenchinadoll on May 30, 2008 19:30:28 GMT -8
Are there people who never recover?
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 30, 2008 19:46:40 GMT -8
Are there people who never recover? As with all addictions many people suffer from this disease for a lifetime and never recover. Love addicts die from stress-related disorders, homicide (crimes of the heart) and suicide (depression). |
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Post by jamesbroadstone on May 18, 2009 14:13:45 GMT -8
Cool stuff. I'm going for a life-time of smooth recovery, and a lot of fun.
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Post by rebeca on May 26, 2009 5:45:13 GMT -8
This is really inspiring Susan..and , for sure, is there where I want to get.. Thanks..it is helping me a lot reading the threads ..it calms me ..If I could just stop the need and the thoughts ..but I will get there..  |
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Post by estrela5 on May 29, 2009 14:26:05 GMT -8
i loved it !
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Post by mountainlady on May 31, 2009 16:46:28 GMT -8
The longer that I am apart from my last relationship, as I detox and continue no contact, it seems the more time I have for me and my children. Even when I wasn't with him or was without a partner, I always had someone to obsess about. Today, I am more present and calm. It is amazing. Thank you all!
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tray
New Member
Posts: 1
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Post by tray on Jun 4, 2009 11:20:37 GMT -8
well i'm really looking forward to change. but right at this min, i'm hurtting so bad..
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Post by tcooley on Jun 4, 2009 12:41:42 GMT -8
Hi Tray,
Welcome. If you want to tell your story go to the Introductions tab and start a new thread.
We are here to support you.
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gordana
Full Member
Newcomers Greeter
Posts: 189
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Post by gordana on Jul 14, 2009 4:44:15 GMT -8
I am spending more time with my children, budgeting my money better, feeling a lot better. So, yes I am recovering
Thans to everyone here
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nlala
New Member
Posts: 35
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Post by nlala on Aug 10, 2009 14:36:09 GMT -8
I'm feeling stronger everyday, also I had a chance to practice supporting me today, yes |
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Post by Light on Sept 13, 2009 8:24:29 GMT -8
I always have to remember this definition of recovery!
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Post by newmoon on Sept 18, 2009 8:42:13 GMT -8
Hi everybody. I'm new here. I think I'm right where I should be. Thanks.
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Post by dovesend37 on Oct 27, 2009 19:20:16 GMT -8
Hello Guys & Gals, I am new and Loving it here. I believe i started in Recovery. I did Step 1. I am waiting for someone to get back to me. I believe Chrissy. I don't know if I am doing it right. Someone help me out, pls. I feel at home here and I can't wait to continue recovery and heal. Thanks everyone.
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Post by geedee on Oct 28, 2009 1:49:47 GMT -8
hi dovesend. i'm doing step 1. are you going thru the questions one by one?
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Post by geedee on Oct 29, 2009 10:48:04 GMT -8
candee I'm the same. but my real life still has all the same problems it had when I escaped into my dream world with my POA. my husband's on anti depressants and quite calm most of the time but i know his next outburst is round the corner.
working on myself in the hope that my calm and serenity somehow keeps him more stable. HP is here for me but my POA sneaks into my thoughts all the time.
luckily having broken the spell and the hold he had on me I feel safer. of course he's in another country and it was a triangle, two triangles actually and it all had to stop. your situation is very different but i'm sure your HP will guide you.
take care and blessings
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Post by judy on Oct 29, 2009 11:32:18 GMT -8
Thanks so much for sharing that story, Candee. I have been caring for my mother all summer. She has progressive dementia - which is bad enough - but it is on top of her already life-long mental illness.
I, too, have always harbored the fantasy relationship with her. It has never happened. Not only that, but caring for her this summer brought me right back to what it was like growing up in my home. OH MY GOD. I have had a few outbursts over the past few months that were surreal. I had no idea of the rage and HURT I have buried inside.
I have finally had to take a big step back. I have had to surrender to the fact that if my mother chooses to refuse help from the full time caretaker that we pay for then that is her decision and I cannot attend to her every day so that she can have her way. Like you I am being driven absolutely crazy. And that's MY fault, not hers.
My LAA issues are directly related to my mother. And I think the realization is affecting me much more than I had been aware. So I am really going to try and take it easy.
Thanks again for sharing. And kudos for taking it slow with the guy.
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Post by candee on Oct 29, 2009 22:14:39 GMT -8
Greta -- you are working real hard and I want to say WELL DONE.The thoughts of the POA are only that THOUGHTS and we need to not act apon those thoughts.
Judy-- Well,the mother issue is quite a sensitive one hey.I can so relate and I am glad that I am not the only one who is facing this struggle.
I am planning to move out of home asap.I need to regain my composure.Well as for the guy...Een though I am lonely and want kids and a relationship...What must be WILL be.So that part I leave to God
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Post by geedee on Oct 30, 2009 6:12:23 GMT -8
you know, I love my parents too much too. Especially my mother. but i can only take so much of her.
when I left home at almost 18 I did it mainly to distance myself because I knew I couldn't live without her. had to go on valium for a few weeks because my homesickness was so bad. got thru that and got off the valium as fast as i could because i knew I would get addicted.
moved back home in my year out and almost dropped out of uni because I didnt want to detach again.
moved back after uni and stayed there till I married two years later. moved upstairs into her attic flat. and stayed there for another 7 yrs. finally moved away because my husband couldnt stand all the guilt trips my mum sent me on .
it was a question of either me divorcing him or us moving away. but I've never really forgiven my husband for that.
yup she always has to say whats on her mind. tells me how disorganised I am and how much time I 'waste' reading or on the computer or watching tv. not really ever justifiable for me to sit doing nothing. used to jump out of my seat when she came round to tidy up or pretend I was doing something more useful. she is a real nag. unfortunately I can be too. usually hen I'm frustrated or stressed out.
sitting here smiling to myself as I realise I'm uncovering yet another layer....my mum drives me mad!!! and she always has.
I have all my phobias because of her....dont ride a bike, cant swim properly, only learned to drive at 26. ( my brother's car crash meant none of my remaining siblings were allowed to learn for years ) she blamed herself for buying him a car.
okay he had only had the car for about a month when he had his fatal accident but that was nobody's fault.
my daughters keep telling me that I'm doing the same with them as my mother dd with me. I'm not really cos my daughter drives and my younger daughter has an mx motorbike she can use in the land surrounding our house.
but I'm told that I'm transmitting my angst to them.
anybody know any cure for that?
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Post by candee on Oct 30, 2009 12:29:37 GMT -8
I feel gratitude that you could have a moment of realisation.Well , any cure...We are scripted,wired in a way that will repeat the patterns we have learnt as children.The thing I find is to first of all notice when Im doing something...Then I try to think very critically about what it is Im noticing.
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Post by honeygirl on Dec 27, 2009 14:57:33 GMT -8
I find this definition of recovery amazing. I re-read it a few times a week since I first read it a couple of months ago. It is easy to forget what recovery looks like - this helps me to remember. Thank you so much for this wonderful writing.
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